Sleepy Jackal: bhmf

KFTC: OBD

Hey, OBD, why couldn't your vaunted, all-knowing Bush administration pull this one off? Seems funny to me how the 15-year low was achieved in 2009, after BHO got to work. Skrimp. Actually, you really have to give credit to Ol' Skull & Bones. After all, the economy being in the toilet was likely the number one contributor. If we could convince India and China to eat each other and take piggy-back rides to work, we might be in good shape.

I Live This Shit

State of the Den Address

When the opportunity was given to me to address the Den and express my feelings on where we have come after 20 months of Jackalism I wasn't real sure what I would say. How can one sum up all that is Jackal in a single post? What would one even discuss? And then I read the most recent post on the Den. The answer was obvious... The Jackals Den has been cloned. Fuck me in the goat ass shit.

There have been 47 posts in 2011 and they break down as follows:

Topic	Posts	% of Posts
Politics	14	30%
Random Jackal Shit	10	21%
Friday Hotties	5	11%
Terps	5	11%
Unclassifiable Bullshit	5	11%
Caps	3	6%
Music	3	6%
Getting Awesome	2	4%

Do you see the fucking problem here? Was the Jackals Den not founded upon getting awesome? Was it not a place where UNF was hurled on a regular basis? It sure as fuck was, look at Day 1 of the Den. Day 2 and Day 3? Awesome and awesome. Look at that shit. Jesus Titty Fucking Christ it's awesome. What happened to Jackal Comics? What happened to Another Youtube From Ball Deep? What happened to Give a Mother Fucking Jackal His Props? We gotta get back to being Jackals. 4% getting awesome won't cut it. I'm sick and tired of watching Ann Coulter and John Stewart, oh sorry BHMF and BMR have limp dick political pillow fights. The State of the Den is clone, and only you can make it Jackal again.

Alright, I'll begin by calling this format into question. I accidentally read Shoulders' post before I wrote my own and to make matters worse, he was the only jackal that sacked up and gave a damn about his Den. Tico? Please. Head? Nowhere to be found. Voicemail? You're making me laugh. BabyFace apparently is the busiest college kid ever. He can flick you off, but he still can't legally drink, so it's tough to loop that jackal in on some jackalness. SS keeps telling me how much cool shit is on in his Droid in the form of digital photos, but the part I'm fuzzy on is why he don't get postal. UNF, son.

Don't tell me what the Den isn't. bhmf and I have been LDPFing, but we sure as hell aren't rattling off halfass comments while on the train. bhmf is like the Den's, Barack Obama. That jackal was a breath of fresh fucking air. If you ask this jackal, bhmf and I have a healthy exchange of ideas. Such is the foundation of the great 'Merica, a free exchange of ideas and when you disagree, look the fuck out. It's gonna stink. It's going to be a fecally, uriney mess. That's how we roll.

It

The Den has not changed. It's still sports, jackalness, yes politics rears it's ugly grill on the regular, but that shit is on a jackal's mind. A damn near guarantee is that your ol' pal Boogers will continue to bring you the hottest women he can find. What the fuck am I supposed to do? If y'all ain't posting, I'm taking this motherfucker over. I might drop a comment tax on your ass. Gimme that welf, cracka!

Really quick, I don't want to belabor this point. Please never tell me about clones, I know what clones are.

The State of the Den is good. It's poorly attended and maintained, but at it's core, there is a resounding, "Fuck you, clones. Fuck you, internet. Fuck you, you fucking fuck."

Jackal Call To Action: State of the Den Address

Jackals, bhmf had a great idea amidst his otherwise unintelligible banter. We need to assess the state of our Jackalness and address a series of priorities and jackalisms we intend to uphold. These truths are evident as fuck and we'll hold them shits accordingly. Don't sleep. Email your two cents to your ol' pal Boogers and we'll post it proper like the 100th post. You know the drill. UNF. In general, put clones on the lookout.

Jackal to Jackal Callout: Year End Edition

BD2, where you at? I know you're busy trying to go completely insane(married a Jersey girl, living in Jersey, soon to be father of two Jersey girls of your own) and what not, but you ain't been up in the Den in quite some time. You're suspect. Fortunately, you don't post on 'Straight Outta Plompton' anymore, so I know that's not the case, and how grateful we are for all of that.

Epstein, I hate yo' sorry ass. For real.

Head, I got you and billhicksmostfunny going pretty good, huh? You know your son is named Linus, right?

SS, you government pawn, get your ass on the Droid and drop some jackalisms.

Tico, it's really great that the Friday Hotties always bring you back. It really is. It's just, your grammar is so horrible and your comments so appallingly hilarious, I was wondering if you could find a way to get in the Den a little more frequently.

Steven, take your shirt off. Relax.

BabyFace, you're still in college! You probably(might be giving you too much credit here) experience events worty of posting on the Den daily. Weekly? More so than a bunch of married dudes taking Rogaine, chasing their kids around. What's your excuse? Oh right, the Moinkoffs...

billhicksmostfunny, I can't imagine how badly I would want to kill a bus load of children after wheeling them around all day. How do you not need to vent? I know you're stuck in perpetual darkness for the time being, but what the fuck? Get in the Den!

Happy Birthday Shote Sleeves!

Your present is an embarrassing alumnus:



Oh, and some more bad news about Mr. Newton.* Have a great day!

*For the record, (1) I think he's amazing and really hope he can keep playing this season and (2) I sort of think college players should be paid in some way for the revenue they generate for their schools and (3) I'm not sure why we care about his academics at his previous school except as part of a slander campaign to convince the public that athletes are dirty so that ADs can avoid what I said in (2).

JsOTD: SS & Myself

Self nomination time. No, we didn't take out a 5-year CD, but I dare say that we were at our ball-busting best yesterday.* It was like old times:

...It's 1998 and Head is at his house on a random weekday night. The phone rings...

[Shote Sleeves] Hey Head, can you teach me physics tonight?
[Head] Sure...

[ScarShoulders] Hey Head, what are you up to tonight?
[Head] I dunno...I think Shote Sleeves is coming over and wants me to teach him physics or something. You wanna come over?
[ScarShoulders] Sweet, sure!

...ScarShoulders is already there when ShoteSleeves arrives at Head's house...

[Shote Sleeves] Wait...what is ScarShoulders doing here? I thought you were going to teach me physics?

...30 minutes of hilarity ensues...

[Shote Sleeves] Fuck you guys, I hate you. I'm going home!

[Head/ScarShoulders] Wow, that was awesome. Want to watch some football or something?

Good Times.

*BMR, you still my Jackal - you be holding this place up almost all by your lonesome...

SS Don't Know Shit About Totalitarian Regimes

SS, what the fuck is this?

Have You Seen?

It's midterm election season and dude ain't said peep about it. Virginia Tech played a high profile football game in prime tizzy. Nothin'. Where you at, Head?

The Jackals Den 1000th Post Extravaganza!!!

T-Large, get bent.
Shote sleeves, get fucking bent.
The Wiz and Head, get Greek bent.
Droppa Deuce, Boppa Bent.
Babyface, get a fake ID, buy a beer, then get bent.
Aldente Schwanz, get bent Philly style (in New Jersey).
King of the Jungle, King of the bent.
Tico285 and cqq99, obtener dobladas.
kaptainpat, captain bent.
VoiceMail and Pontius, bentmail and bentius.
Rusty T. Bone, Rusty G Bent.
Ball DEEP, bent to sleep.

McRib Booginator? My Jackal, I'll see YOU later.

KFTC: Shoulders' Childhood Role Model

Oh, L.T. How fitting that Ray Lewis eclipses your greatness on the field as you spiral into a punchline. What ever will become of thee? When will you stop wearing dangling cross earrings? You plead not guilty to four charges and let BMR extend his wishes for you to keep fucking that chicken and stop fucking minors. Seriously, KFTC, SFM.

Jackals Be Sleepin': 2010 Edition

BMR is holding shit down. Just like last year calling jackals out from left to right. Just blogging by himself. It kind of sucks. Montreal is kind of close. You guys got nothing?

Don't go spending my money BD2...

Don't try and forget about this bet. I'm holding you to it and you're screwed.



plus



You're done son!

The Os/Nats Debate: Where the Jackals Den turns into Lake Tardicaca

Look Jackals and Jackalettes! It's Ball Deep, Boogers McRib, Babyface, and the Lynx!!! And they're expressing their opinion on the Os and Nats!!!


How dare you question my Orioles fandom? How fucking dare you? Do I not own a polaroid picture of Cal Ripken with 5 year old SS after he signed a baseball card for me? Did I not own a Sesame Street weebles sort of thing and take the Yellow Bert and name him Cal and the Orange Ernie and name him Eddie? How fucking dare you? I was at 2131 mother fucker. I wear #26 in all athletic endeavors and have done so since middle school in a tri pronged tribute to the #21 my father wore, the #56 LT wore, and the 2 + 6 = 8 for Cal Ripken. You mother fuckers have some fucking nerve... Is this not me in an Os hat less than 2 years ago? It sure as fuck is.
So lets get geographical here. Here

you will see a map of MD and point A represents the home I grew up in and point B represents were I went to College which is basically where I live now. You will also see red lines depicting my current proximity to DC which I have had starting 12 years ago and blue lines depicting my childhood proximity to Baltimore.

So here is the deal. I root for both teams. I root for them both equally. Taking the proximity chart above I don't see an y reason why this is a problem. The teams play in separate leagues and the odds of them meeting in the World Series are about 1000 to 1 considering how much they both currently suck as well as the fact that their divisions contain 4 of the 5 top payrolls in baseball every single year. In fact I can't think of the last time that a team from the AL East not named Red Sox or Yankees AND a team of the NL East not named Mets or Phillies was even IN THE PLAYOFFS in the same year. Baseball is gay as fuck and this is a reason why. So I will never have to choose between the two.

But the retards mentioned above seem to think that part of being an Os fan is hating the Nats. Why? Because they are mindless fucking sheep. Peter Angelos, a cocksucker who made his money defending crooked contractors who gave poor people cancer, embarked on a 10 year crusade to keep baseball out of Washington. Why did Angelos do this? So he could keep selling out his stadium while putting a shitty team on the field. You see that in the five years before the Nats the Os averaged an awesome 70.6 wins a year for a winning percentage of 44%. The five years the Nats have been in DC they average 69 wins a year for 43%. That said attendance has dropped from and average of 35,422 the five pre Nats years to 26,918 the five years with actual competition for the shitty product Angelos rolls out. What does all of this mean? Peter Angelos is a cocksucker who should have spent his free time in the off season from 2000-2004 MAKING THE FUCKING TEAM BETTER instead of trying to cock block DC from having a team. If you want to be a mindless fucking sheep who hates what that cocksucker tells you to hate knock yourself. I'm not into that. I'll root for the Os and root for the Nats and hope that the Nats being in DC and having a very bright future will FORCE Angelos to make the team better to stop losing money.

On to the homework portion of this post...

BMR and BD2 grew up in the same fucking house. This fact cannot be disputed. BMR is a Ravens fan and BD2 reps the Skins (at least this decade anyways...). The Ravens moved to BMore from Cleveland in the mid nineties much like Nats came to DC from Montreal in the oughts. When BD2 said "The Nationals are the Expos....expelled from Montreal for sucking too bad" was he not also talking about the Ravens oops my bad, the Browns? When BMR nodded in agreement was he not talking shit about the football team he roots for? And what the fuck is BD2 doing rooting for a DC team if he reps the Os so hard? Why hasn't he adopted the Browns? Shit he wasn't even a Skins fan until after the Browns already existed in Baltimore. This is all very confusing to me so why don't you two retards fight it out and figure out what your position is and get back to me.

ps I have watched two baseball games this year (well parts of 2 games) and both were Os games. Go the fuck asleep.

Keep Fuckin that Chicken: Nationals

umm yeah...that was just about the weakest fuckin thing I have ever seen. Oh yeah, that old team you were talking about in your little song was the Senators. They sucked in their later years, didnt exist when we were born and anything prior is too old to matter. The Nationals are the Expos....expelled from Montreal for sucking too bad, a french speaking colony in America's gay cousin. Not hating on another local team, but just because I moved to another city I am not gonna jump on another shitty team because it is more convenient. If I rolled like that I would be a Giants fan. (aka GAF). So I will continue to wear my burgundy/gold and orange/black with pride. Pleaassee baaallleeeevve me!

This is the only team that matters in baseball even if the past 22 years have been....well nothing more than shitty as hell. Boogers put me up on this video last night and it made me remember what made the O's so awesome.


They were blue collar and country as fuck, and most importantly they beat up on the big bad Yanks and Sox relentlessly. Let's go O's!

JOTD: Paul Krugman

Paul Krugman has balls of big steel and he ain't taking shit from nobody. Especially not Andrew Ross Sorkin, so what did ol' Krugsy do? He called him out. Look, I know Head turned me on to this dude's column and the Den has linked a great deal of his opinions and research and I don't want to turn our blog into the blog equivalent of those tiny fish that swim with sharks, but along with Boogerdamus, this ninja speak da' troof. America is scaring the fuck out of a jackal these days. Love me some political/economic common ground. Do ya' thang, Krugs!

WTF: Do Ya' Thang, NJ

Ahh, aspirations. Bro-jangles, get out of that frickin' state.

Jackal Showdown: BD2 vs. BMR Comic Off

What do you say, BD2? Care to make it interesting?

Six Nations Rugby: Calling All Irish

It's fuckin' on.