We can't all be winners BMR......

.

....................just take this guy for example. I mean he has a Scottie dog on his freakin' hat!!!! And what the fuck is stitched on his socks? Oh lord, the free world collectively sighs. If only I could reincarnate TJ and let him go Jackal on his pathetic ass, boy would I feel better!

GCOD: The Jackals Den

Thats right i said it. Upon its creation the jackals den was a place for jackals to howl about gay clones and in general unf the world. What is it reduced to now? People talking about how they left early from work? Where are the jackals hiding? In June there were 200 amazing posts and in july we've had a pretty poor showing as far as posts go with a little over 30. The only people contributing to this blog that i can tell are SS, Head, and Ball Deep. Boogers i recognise you posting but half of what you post i dont understand until you post a month later with a translation. CALLING ALL JACKALS! Step yo game up so the world knows we still exist.

HOOOWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL

Gay Clone of the week: ESPNs My Wish - REACTION

SS a few comments on your post. I'm not putting comments just adding a new post because why the fuck not. No one reads this shit anymore anyway.

The Tour de France is badass. I an going to receive quite a bit of shit for this, but it really is amazing. If you can get past the outfits which are quite gay, and the fact that it is in France also gay, you will see after watching it for a bit that these guys are freaks of nature. Not sure if you have ridden a bike recently but that shit is hard especially up steep hills. I am tired after 20-30 miles and these guys go flat out for hundreds eventually thousands of miles. Wrecking and pushing each other the whole time.

Also, there is nothing funny about kids with cancer. That is some seriously fucked up shit. But quite Jackal to use such a sensitive topic to get your point across...which was the fact that ESPN does lick serious balls. Unless it is week 8 of the NFL season, you won't catch me wasting more than 10-12 minutes a year on that bullshit station. It is the CNN of sports. 24 hour coverage news is absurd, but 24 hour coverage of sports is just a waste.  The worst part is as much money as they have they still use the same bullshit formula with that annoying ass techno music during sportscenter and the shitty ass sets with shitty ass announcers (Erin Andrews and Wilbon excluded.)



 I mean seriously fuck Berman.  

ESPN licks banus and I like the Tour de France.  Yeah I said it.  Respect dat shit.

PS "try and not die falling asleep driving to work " such a good call I do that everyday. It's a miracle I'm alive.

GCOTD: NJ State Police and DMV

min 2:16....priceless

The den has been infiltrated!! I think these Jersey gay clones must have heard me bashing their state the other week because I got pulled over this morning. Got me for 69 in a 55 mph zone. Good news for me is that he pulled me over as I was decelerating because he could have gotten me for triple digits a few miles up the road (snicker), but I digress.

To make matters worse, my license expired yesterday, so I have to go and get that renewed. Due to the fact that the state deficit is bigger than some countries annual budget, the DMV is only open during the week, which means I have to go on my lunch break. I tried to go today, walked in to the local cesspool of society a.k.a. DMV and then directly back out again because I like money and I need my job to get it and I could have spent the entire afternoon there.

These Jersey muthafuckas are holdin' a jackal down. I may do some texting while driving on the way home as a little retaliation.

GCOTD

So I'm going to Wales for a wedding this weekend? I don't understand this place. Are they a country, are they a state. I'll tell you what their not, Jackals. Who heard about that revolution they had to become their own country? Uhhh, yeah. Scotland, yeah they got that shit down. Been fightin for a thousand years. Ireland, been there, done that. Freedom....check. Wales, what the fuck is wrong with you? You like being England's bitch or something?

I am accepting all suggestions to UNF this bitch ass country in any way possible.

No offer will be turned down!

GCOTD: Me

I realize I am placing myself in bad company here, but let's be honest for a moment. For at least the next 3 weeks going to be a Gay Clone because the Tour de France is starting which means that I will be watching Vs. (known for lame as programming such as MMA, and well that's it MMA) for a minimum of a few hours a day to watch dudes in France sweating it out in Spandex. I'm just sayin'.

GCOTD: Michael Bay

What?!? The new Transformers movie licks Dirty Man Banus? You have to be kidding me? I can't imagine someone as talented as Michael Bay with such an amazing resume of great movies from Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II (Bad Boys I was awesome actually) to Transformers could produce a giant over produced piece of shit that the retarded masses would flock to see. 90% of these morons are going to see Megan Fox in various stages of undress, good luck with that the movie is PG-13. The rest like CGI and big explosions...think people who watch Spike TV and believe that the War in Iraq is 'Merica's justified response to 9/11. "Fuckin-A Shock 'n' Awe take dat Sadaam Hooosane! WMDs, not on our watch, maulfockers! U.S. Maulfockin Navy, damnit! BALLEEVVEE IT"

Congrats Michael you are today's Gay Clone.

Bitch.

GCOTD: Tom Cruise

Seriously, what the fuck is this guy talking about?  Do yourself a favor and force yourself to watch each of these if you haven't already.  Dude has completely lost it.

minute 4:22 is gold.  delusions of grandeur much?

Criminon?  He's the only one that can really help at an accident?  What the hell?

Looks like he could use some of the drugs he is dissing to Matt Lauer.  Relax Tom.  What would Steven do??

He definitely had the Dawson's Creek chick locked in a closet.  "I told her...you never know what I am going to do Katie.

King of the Jungle Relinquishes His Throne Due To Death By Suffocation!!

How long does this fool think he can hold his breath for? Is this ninja David Blaine (future GCOTD by the way)? How can one man with such a great haircut and away message fail so epically?

The KOTJ is dead my friends, and much like The Lion King a new more devious leader has emerged named Scar...Scar Shoulders... baleeve it!

GCOTD: Some Gay Clone on Dancing show

"aren't you the ya-mull-ka frizzbay goiy"  

Skip to 32 seconds....enjoy

Nomination: Gay Clone of the Century, 20th Century: Harry S Truman

Nice glasses and combover gay clone.

Born in the epically gay 1880s Missouri Harry Truman is best known as the 33rd president of the United States. Like many not ready for prime time players Truman lucked into the job when FDR dropped dead only 82 days after the inauguration. Shortly thereafter Truman began piling up the Epic Fails that will change the world forever, like BallDeep racks up Jackals Den Posts.

Epic Fail #1 - Dropping the Atomic Bombs on Hiroshima and Nagosaki. The war was already fucking over. Berlin had already fallen and Japan was on the verge of surrendering. But like any little dick asshole with a chance to humiliate his opponent Truman went for the off the backboard pass to himself windmill jam on the breakaway up 10 with 20 seconds left on the clock. Unfortunately the retaliation isn't a hard foul the next time the two teams meet but every crazy ass world leader from that moment onward saying "I just HAVE to get me one of those nuclear weapons...". End result for everyone in the world, we know exactly what will lead to the end of human life on this planet, a Nuclear Holocaust. Thanks Harry! Way to go! You showed out and we all get fucked!

Epic Fail #2 - Establishing Israel in Palestine as opposed to Argentina. Truman was a key figure in the establishment of the Jewish state in the Palestine Mandate. Fuck man this shit was retarded for a number of extremely simple reasons. #1 the Palestinians and Jews were already killing the shit out of each other in what is now Israel for 30 years before the stupid decision was made to ship another 1.5 million Jews into the area. #2 It's a small fucking area you just shipped 1.5 million extra people to. #3 It's the beginning of civilization for both of those religions so all the fucking lunatics who believe in fairy tales are gonna be extra fucking excited about dying for the cause. #4 Jackals in their animal form are native to the territory, never fuck with Jackals. This decision isn't made and the relationship our country has with the Middle East would be drastically different, plain and simple.

For fun let's go through the list of wars American has been involved in for the last 40 years and see how many of them are a result of Truman's Epic Fails.

1. Korean War (1950–1953) Communist North Korea, supported by China, invaded non-communist South Korea. UN forces, principally made up of U.S. troops, fought successfully to protect South Korea. The Korean War was the first armed conflict in the global struggle between democracy and communism, called the cold war. I'll give Truman 1/3 credit for this one as with all the other cold wars which are only necessary because we were afraid the communists would get Nuclear Weapons. Bonus points to North Korea now having them and hating us for supporting the south in this war.


2. Bay of Pigs (1961) The U.S. orchestrated the invasion, an unsuccessful attempt by Cuban exiles to overthrow Fidel Castro's communist regime in Cuba. 1/3 credit, props to Castro for being a bad ass and standing 80 miles off the coast of Florida with one middle finger in the air at the US for 50 years and the other middle finger in the air at his people. What a bad ass.


3. Vietnam War (1961–1973) In 1955, communist North Vietnam invaded non-communist South Vietnam in an attempt to unify the country and impose communist rule. The United States joined the war on the side of South Vietnam in 1961, but withdrew combat troops in 1973. In 1975 North Vietnam succeeded in taking control of South Vietnam.
   Dominican Republic (1965) President Lyndon Johnson sent marines and troops to quash a leftist uprising in the Dominican Republic, fearing the island nation would follow in the footsteps of Cuba and turn communist. 1/3 credit.


4. Lebanon (1982–1984) U.S. troops formed part of a multinational peacekeeping force to help the fragile Lebanese government maintain power.


5. Grenada (1983) President Reagan invaded the Caribbean nation of Grenada to overthrow its socialist government, which had close ties with Cuba. 1/3 credit. We only go to Greneda cause we suck at going to Cuba.


6. Panama (1989) President George H.W. Bush invaded Panama and overthrew Panamanian dictator and drug-smuggler Manuel Noriega. No credit but this is a HILARIOUS description of overthrowing the leader we supported and helped get into power a mere 6-8 years earlier. Ever hear of the Iran-Contra affair? yeah....


7. Gulf War (1991) Iraq invaded Kuwait, and a U.S.-led multinational force came to Kuwait's aid and expelled Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein's forces. Full credit. Direct result of relationship with Israel.


8. Somalia (1993) A U.S.-led multinational force attempted to restore order to war-torn Somalia so that food could be delivered and distributed within the famine-stricken country.


9. Bosnia (1994–1995) During the Bosnian civil war, which began shortly after the country declared independence in 1992, the U.S. launched air strikes on Bosnia to prevent “ethnic cleansing,” primarily by Serbs against Bosnians. The U.S. became a part of NATO's peacekeeping force in the region.


10. Kosovo (1999) Yugoslavia's province of Kosovo erupted into violence in the spring of 1999. A U.S.-led NATO force intervened with air strikes after Slobodan Milosevic's Serbian forces uprooted the population and embarked on the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo's ethnic Albanian population.


11. Afghanistan (2001– ) The Taliban government harbored Osama bin Laden and the al-Qaeda terrorist group, responsible for the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States. After Afghanistan refused to turn over Bin Laden, the U.S. and UN coalition forces invaded. The Taliban government was ousted and many terrorist camps in Afghanistan were destroyed. U.S. and NATO troops remain in Afghanistan to support its fragile new government. Full credit. Direct result of relationship with Israel leading to first gulf war leading to 9/11.
12. Iraq War (2003– ) The U.S. and Great Britain invaded and toppled the government of dictator Saddam Hussein. Troops remain in Iraq to combat the insurgency that formed after Hussein's defeat. Full credit. Direct result of relationship with Israel leading to first gulf war leading to 9/11.
    

So what's that add up to, 4 1/3 out of 12 including just about all the big ones? Way to fucking go numb nuts. I hope I meet one of your grandchildren so I can punch them in the fucking throat. If any Jackal can do me a favor and locate a Truman statue I would love to UNF the fuck out of it with actual urine and feces as well as print outs of this post.

I recognize that the perpetual state of war we are in employs multiple members of The Jackals Den, myself included. Jackals are allowed to work for the man and hate the man all at the same time. Jackals are complex and mischievous like that. Read up on your Jackal Tales if you don't know that.

Gay Clone of the year...early nomination

Auto Tune vs. Metropolitan Orlando





They both have the "face of the franchise", auto tune, a science experiment gone awry, has T-Pain, and the Orlando Magic, none other than the citizens of Downtown Metropolitan Orlando, and Stan van Gundy.

Former GCOTD, Kanye West, went so far as to record an entire "album" with this whack shit. The formula for any popular hit song on hip-hop radio...intro with beat, high pitch robot, hook with word and modifier, i.e. "Stanky Leg", "Blame It", low pitch robot, repeat hook 34 times, sell records, drive Voicemail bat-shit crazy.

Claiming to be a "major city", Orlando hails from the panhandle-shaped cradle of sex offenders, Florida. Coincidentally, home to T-Fucking Pain, Florida rarely gives America reason to be proud.

I dare you to listen to this entire song.

Thank God for Wendy's.


So, Jackals, what say you?

Gay Clone of the Day: Mike Golic

Look how excited he is to take in that poorly drawn throbbing dick. It's like a shitty ass meal from Nutrasystem, delicious!

I know this gay clone has already been touched upon by BallD but he really pissed me off this morning and if there is one thing a gay clone shouldn't do is piss off a tired Jackal. Mike GoLickMyBalls was ranting on and on about the Washington Nationals being the worst franchise in sports. Greeny (don't even get me started on this gay clone.) pointed out that they were an expansion team and Gay Juice was all "NO THEY AREN'T THEY WERE THE EXPOS!", which is even worse because MLB sold every last one of the decent players in their farm system which basically put them in a worse position 5 years ago than an actual expansion team because they had a ton of shitty players on the books. You know nothing ignorant fat blow hard. To boot this d-bag of the highest order is a fucking Cleavland Indians fan! Those losing fucks have been losing for 50 years and even had a movie made about how much they suck. Talk about the pot and the fucking kettle. To top it all off gay juice went to Notre Dame has sons that go to Notre Dame sells bitch food with Dan Marino and in general is a Mickey Mouse dick sucking bitch of epic proportions. And he played for the Eagles, fag. So Mike GoLickCliffLeesGrundle, notice is served, I have you in my fucking sights and if given the chance I will off you and deposit urine and feces in the gaping wound in your fat fucking chest. In the words of Ice Cube and Immortal Technique in that order: I spit hot lava and you're about to get burned by my pyroclastic flow. Die slow mother fucker!!

It should be noted that normally I avoid this gay clone and ESPN radio in general but my Sirius is on the fritz and I can only listen to CDs so many times. Man I gotta get my shit fixed.

Gay Clone of the Day: Akmadeeenajaaad

No detail needed. Fuck this guy...i'm just sayin'.

Congrats, Ackmadinajaddd. You're today's winner of the whole lot of suck award.

Gay Clone of the Day

Arlington muthafuckin Virginia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T1RMuoQnKo

And maybe I dont know how to embed video.  You wanna beef about it?

Gay Clone of the Day: Eddie Murphy

It is with heavy heart that I submit today's GCOTD. (that's right... breeves Babyface. Deal with it.) Many of us have watched RAW at least 50 times not to mention Delirious and a whole host of awesome 80's movies, such as Trading Spaces, with the great Eddie Murphy. So my question to you my jackals, is when did Eddie become such a bitch? He has not been funny in at least 10 years. I understand when you have a family you start to get a little lame. I mean myself included, I have no delusions about that. But how does the rawest jackal from the 80s inspired by Richard Pryor, carried on by Chris Rock, how does he suck this bad? By the way, I don't recommend watching this clip, but if you do try to find something that resembles funny. If you find it please let me know.



Congrats, Eddie Murphy "The Fuck You" man. You're today's winner of the whole lot of suck award.