What time is it? Game time. Are the dogs in the house? Hoohoohoo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuck you, Hines Ward!

I can't tell you how awesome it is to see a photo where you're not smiling. Did you have a nice time at your 'Dancing with the Stars' parade? Nice earrings. Faggot.

Boogers' Wide World of Sports

The Baltimore Ravens are back in the playoffs. With a gutsy divisional win on the road, the Ravens put all pressure to win the division and host a home playoff game back on the Steelers' shoulders, to beat the same team and maybe without their star safety, Troy Rides-A-Polamalu(at least that's what SS calls a ninja). The win was not easy, the Baltimore long snapper shredded his knee early in the game and played through significant pain. Apparently, the linebacker Tavares Gooden played through a dislocated shoulder, but such is the character of the players in the locker room. There were a few times where Cleveland got a few things going until the Ravens' star safety Ed Reed put a mother fucker to sleep. I was excited about the win so I threw on Ravens talk radio, but all the callers were bitching about the "quality" of the win and how the offense "sucks". I love Baltimore. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cam Cameron and his "conservative" play calls, some fans would like the Ravens to show all our offensive tricks two weeks before the playoffs with a 10 point lead. I do want a lot more Boldin, but his day draws quite near. Oh yes. Quite near.

Despite all the good news, it appears Ravens' top draft pick, 2nd rounder Sergio Kindle really is a total fucking idiot. After some rough news last week and a teammate telling him to be positive, he let everyone know that this, this and this were no fluke combination of luck or planetary alignment or anything.

Eli Manning is a clone. Shoulders, my mom called you out for being a fan of an out-of-state team today. I'm just sayin'.

In ice hockey news, main mother fucking jackal, Alex fucking Ovechkin's goal-less drought comes to an end on the same night Sadney Crysby's point streak ends. Senators are up 3-0 on the Penisguins as I post this.

JOTD: Cory Redding

Last week, this former Seahawk, and Terp, holler at your boy, SS(BMR might start to give a shit about college football) sealed a Raven's victory. Today it was this former Seahawk(watch Josh Wilson celebrate with him immediately), and former Detroit Lion(JTFC, right?), who keep in mind has never played on a playoff team before. Seattle must be pissed, Ozzie gave up very little on the trades and then they also signed Houshmandzadeh for the league minimum. Seattle, what the fuck is your front office doing? This is a team of destiny. I feel like I'm already watching the NFL Films hour long special.

KFTC: Ohio

Look, bringing down towers, in the right direction, is a fucking hard thing to do. Ohio, you head back to that list of condemned structures and industrial-grade dynamite and you try again. You don't completely suck at everything, do you?

KFTC: Ohio Sports

This is great television. The Bengals front office should collect some type of reward. This is going to be a total shit show.

I know I'm talking shit to a team that beat my birds, but fuck two road games on a short week.

Boogerdamus: Steelers "Marshmallow" Schedule Is Over

It would be nice to go for broke and say Baltimore prevails by two scores, but history dictates that will not be the case. Rather, Pittsburgh, perched miles above the rest of the league in "power rankings" will slide a little bit. I think the Ravens are better prepared, they started this season in one of the most hostile environments the NFL has to offer. They faced their former defensive coordinator in a brand new stadium, a game ESPN specifically requested. On a short week, it was probably hard as shit to go into Cincinnati and get anything going. I am not making excuses. Show me a team that has performed well in the same scenario. Cleveland should have been an easier game, but no one drew up a game plan for Peyton Hillis. Even still, a close divisional game(which you also happen to win) is another great form of preparation for this weekend in Shittsburgh. I am pissed I'll be on a flight on Sunday, because this game will be badass. Does any jackal want to DVR it fo' a ninja? I really think almost losing at home, to Atlanta, on opening day, squeaking out a win over the Titans with a special teams touchdown and beating Tampa Bay(on the road or anywhere else for that matter) does not merit the accolades NFL pundits are showering over Western PA. Am I a homer, or do any of you jackals gobble up what the Boog Man be servin'? As of tomorrow, I'm on PST, bitch. Don't sleep. Ravens 16, Steelers 9

GCOTD: T-Large

***CHAT TRANSCRIPT***

me: go ahead and change that away message (T-Large's Away Message: J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!)

T Large: ugly game

me: whatever

it was beautiful

T Large: i think they will meet in the playoffs though

me: you got some work to do

T Large: i dont see too many teams beating either of them

10:39 AM me: sanchez is a douche

T Large: i also dont see how ravens fans think they were that much better than the jets

they both looked like shit

me: obviously you don't watch much football

T Large: ok

me: it's not ravens fans doing all the talking

T Large: so the ravens looked good?

10:40 AM me: it's sports writers

yeah

T Large: right

me: turnovers 3-1 Jets

and you lost

Ravens are nasty

10:41 AM T Large: didnt you get beat up by one of your own fans?

me: that's hilarious 

T Large: haha

10:42 AM me: go back and watch the game

look at our field position

T Large: i watched the game

me: and look at yours

then tell me why you lost

T Large: i know the jets sucked

me: or how the ravens looked "bad"

T Large: they sucked ass too

im not doing this anymore

me: aren't you from Jersey?

T Large: whatever

me: why don't you move back?

T Large: the ravens were spectacular

they were flawless

grade a

all the way

10:43 AM they need not improve

they are the best ever!

me: what's it like getting fired up for sports when you have no idea what you're watching

?

T Large: ha

me: talking a bunch of crap when you have no idea what you're talking about?

10:44 AM T Large: ok

you are a football mastermind

good for you

10:45 AM me: at least you have the yankees

in baseball you CAN go buy championships

not in the NFL though

T Large: and i am a good winner

i dont talks hit nonstop after my teams beat people

10:46 AM me: no you talk shit when you lose

that's worse

T Large: it was a good game

i said they would meet in the playoffs

because that means they are good

they both need to improve a lot though

10:47 AM they both played pretty poorly on offense

i dont see whay you are taking what i said way out of context

unless you just like fucking with me while im extremelyh hung over

Working Monday Is For Sucks When Your Boys Play On Monday Night Football

Goddamnit. I can't get anything done today. I just want to get awesome and listen to clone-ass ESPN reporters hype tonight's game some more. I really should have called out sick today.

Welcome Back: NFL

I feel like a bear waking from a deep hibernation. I am sad to see the lazy summer in the rear view, but I'm starting to think summer is for clones. I know there's nothing jackal about going to the beach. Lemonade tastes good, but you have to spike it to make it jackal. Women scantily clad is probably the best part of summer, but BMR will continue to bring you the Friday Hottie, so you got that going for you.

As far as what BMR has going for himself, well it's a Monday Night opener and it's a doozy. His Ravens are heading into hostile ass territory. Rex Ryan, undisputed jackal, will be fired up for this game and he has a way of firing up his players. Two of which don't need to be any more excited for revenge. Keep in mind Adalius Thomas, an undrafted free agent whom the Ravens, Ryan himself, molded into a fierce defender, left the Ravens to go get paid and pretty much fell off the face of the NFL earth. Bart Scott, basically the same exact situation three years later. Two guys that want to be Ravens more than they care to admit. Their secondary may be able to shut down the "big play", but there will be much more to keep an eye on in this one. 

  

Let a jackal state for the record, growing up in Maryland developed a healthy respect for this game.  

J(s)OTD: Josh Wilson/John Cusack

"I couldn't be happier." Neither could we, Josh.

That's what's up. Some depth at corner and from an Upper Marlboro, MD native, College Park graduate. Jealous, Shoulders? I'll bet you are. I'll bet the Ravens fan inside of you is boiling right now. Pissed at how you grew up in Howard County, deprived of hometown football. It's here, my friend. Eli Manning is a pussy. You know this to be true.

In other news, it appears John Cusack is the motherfuckin' man. What you absolutely will love is the tone of that Fox article and how seriously it weighs the threats of mentally unstable people mindlessly killing off FoxNews and GOP candidates like zombies in a trance.

GCOTD: Troy Polamalu (again, I think)

Guess who's insuring his hair for $1 million.

And here he is visiting a Cancer patient. Who does that? Fag.

Karma is a Bitch: Hot Chick Who Makes Me Do Her Work

Dare you go, hot chick who makes me do her work! Do you have any idera how fruckin' busy I ram?!!? So (one of) the girl(s) that makes me do all her work was just getting railed by her boss about how she isn't doing her job, which is very similar to what I was saying last week. It felt awesome to hear him bitch her out for like twelve minutes within ear shot of 15 co-workers.

P.S. The man who ended Baltimore's consecutive games without a 100-yard rusher streak has been arrested. No karma to thank for that one, just good ol' fashioned Bengals' character issues. And the Steelers' offensive line that was already patchwork, has lost a big piece. Apparently, the ex-Cowboy and walking penalty flag Flozell(with a really fucking stupid name) Adams is being looked at. Ravens faithful could try to script a better offseason, but they would need Michael Bay's help.

Boogerdamus: Travis Fisher + Matt Stover = Charmcity Lombardi

That's Travis Fisher + Matt Stover, yes that Matt Stover = Ravens 2nd Lombardi trophy. Do not sleep. I'm like 10% on B'damus predictions anyway so fuck it.

Boogerdamus

I don't want to sound like too much of a homer here, but this season could be a breakout of a breakout season for Ed Reed, even though every fucking quarterback knows not to throw to this guy. The reason I think so is the team's sudden depth at the cornerback position. One interception through eleven games last year and then eight interceptions in the remaining six games. He's got Dawan Landry coming back, I'M JUST SAYING, if the interceptions start before the tenth game of the season, you're going to see a lot of highlight film. Carson Palmer has already started shitting his gold fleece undies. Oh no, you lost Bart Scott! That's gonna be harder to overcome than losing Adalius Thomas.