Gay Clone of the Day

Fucking VM?  What the fuck?  Skipped playing bball with your boys over the weekend to go to a fucking baseball game.  Gay strike 1.  Wrote a blog about it in the jackal den.  This isn't your fucking twitter account, strike 2.  Posted a picture with your girl standing next to a fucking costumed mascot.  Please tell me you just accidentally forgot to post the picture of you beating up the mascot while girls in the background get naked and make out.  Cause as this stands, I can't think of anything less jackal than this.  Gay strike 3.  And then you write this in an email...."I was distracted by the beef I'm currently corning...".  What?  That is the gayest thing I've ever heard??  Seriously, go get wasted and post something funny.  You need to redeem my son.

Gay ass motherfuckers can go hang themselves

Who in the FUCKING hell sat around and said hmmm...let's invent "easy listening music", aka Elevator Music (EASY? it's easy to set kill myself af)

Elevators, gas stations, cafeterias, while you hold...REALLY? Why don't you just drug people and steal their livers? Why not gauge my eyes and feed them to the dolphins?

WHO? Whoever did this, go hang yourself... and hang some dolphins too!

Official Writing Sample of a Recruit

Shit thats annoying
Im tired of fuckin acronyms. I understand yall gay clones have to keep your job so you dont wanna actually type out the words gay as fuck cuz your scurred the man will come down on you like a jackal on wounded animal. but i for one am tired of people using acronyms that are entirely too long. they are for scrimps and its just a bunch of bullshit. This is propelled by the every growing trend of not saying "bad words". If i wanna say fuck my life im not gonna say FML cuz thats fucking stupid. GTG ROFL BRB BFF BFFL? TTYL GAF PAF OMG fucking LOL. Its all a bunch of stupid fucking gay clones scrimtastic unjackal retarted laguage. or SFGCSURL

This post was created after Head and I had a conversation on E FUCKING MAIL at 9:19pm EDT. What Ball Deep said and did had no effect whatsoever on me deciding to post this. Ball Deep can try to run shit as much as he wants but things go down after 8pm on Mancations and nobody wants to follow a dude sleeping in a bedroom with his woobie when there are Shenanigans to be had.

this is why i'm hot

vote on the fucking writing example and then do whatever the fuck you want including but not limited to busting a nut in your wifes face who just got home from dubai.

On Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 8:45 PM, HEAD> wrote:

unless you have a better argument than that, my thoughts will be on the blog momentarily.

On Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 8:43 PM, SCAR SHOULDERS> wrote:

you gotta keep some shit secret.  werent any of you mother fuckers in the boy scouts or the crips or a football huddle or anythning before?

On Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 8:40 PM, HEAD> wrote:

wait. why isn't this on the blog?

Lessons learned from ScarShoulders:

Cursing is a fucking plus.

Scotch is fucking good.

Jackals are a superior form of life.

Gay clones are out there and we must stay alert.

White people music sucks.

Black's are geniuses at music.

MLB is the gay clone of the NFL.

He plays by his own rules and since we don't play by his rules, we are all gay clones.

NO MORE EMAILS

FOR FUCK'S SAKE NO MORE EMAILS

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY IT IN THE DEN.  WASN'T THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF CREATING THIS THING SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DELETE 87 FUCKING EMAILS EVERY 10 MINS??  UNLESS IT IS SOMETHING YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION THAT WHY NOT TYPE THE EXACT SAME WORDS IN A NEW POST ON THE BLOG, HIT PUBLISH AND THEN ALLOW US TO COMMENT.

GET BENT.

PS who the fuck is babyface??

PPS THIS SHIT WAS JUST POSTED TO THE BLOG AT THE SAME TIME.

GO ASLEEP!!!

Highlights From the Mets vs. Nationals Series

Yeah, it was just that awesome.

Wop Waaahhhhhhh

Man, The Jackals Den hasn't seen anything that anti-climactic since a drunken Tico tried to convince his babymamma to shag after playing Wizards Solitaire. Cameron, put down the scotch and cigar and uncross your legs. You're not an old man, but if a Hollywood effects studio were to make you over like one, no one would know.

Guest Joke Writer of the Day: Camer0n C011ins

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. Ascarefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over therailing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrappedits trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Fat Lady + Dirt Bike + 14 year old kid's sound effects = Hilarious!

A little something to help you relax.....take your shirt off and relax.

Head's enormous head weight crushed my toe.

I have the most hardcore toenail out of all of us and I must thank Head for giving it to me. While balling in the broconos, Head managed to land on my toenail with the heal of his shoe not once, but count 'em, three times!

It's pretty sweet, I scare girls away with my bare feet and make guys envy my awesome discolored and disgusting nail.

It also smells really weird which is always pretty cool. I can't wait until it falls off so I can save it and flip it in the air like a coin.

Gay Clone of the Day: Kayne

Just like Nas said years ago, Hip Hop is dead. Show me good top 40 Rap and I will give you my left nut. "No one on the corna got swagga like us..." Shut the fuck up Kanye. We are going to look back this time in music and discuss what a sad state of affairs it is. I mean what is with this voice effect thing? Was that ever cool? Why do they keep using it? Shit is GAF. And Jay-Z better watch himself too. Didn't he retire like 5 years ago? Or was he Brett Farve'n? He used to be cool but if he keeps doing songs with the likes of Kayne and Lil' Wayne he's gonna get slapped with the GCOTD award quick fast.

Jackals bark at this fool!

In yo fucking FACE T Large!!!

Every once in a while being a corporate clone reporting to a crappy cubicle in a crappier office doesn't totally suck. Today from 2pm to 4pm is one of those times. 3 words my friends. Ice Cream Social. My building is passing out all you can eat ice cream in the lobby to soothe the souls of us button down shirted slaves and I plan to take full advantage of the situation. First I'll get a Sundae. Then I'll put my sports coat on and get another. Then I'll take my sports coat off and roll up my sleeves and get another. Then I'll repeat until I puke in my trash can. Would write more but I have gluttony to get on.

Can we please keep this going for NFL??

I just had a thought about how much fun this will be when real sports come back in the fall.

I can see TICO is on a mission to take this to the next level and get it banned from all of our work PCs, but please, oh please can we keep this going until football season ends. I can personally guarantee my usership to increase at least double what it is now, and I think I am not alone. Even Gay Clone Eagles and Giants fans can express themselves.

Motherfucking TIPS on how to stay undercover

As most of you know Jackals must live an undercover life, our alter egos as good natured neighbors/workers/parents/tax paying civilians must be kept at all costs.


A lot of Gay talk has gone around the den regarding amount of skin to be displayed in posts.



I am not proposing to get us firewalled, so bikinis and good curves allowed, no naked stuff (even skittles wasn't naked it!). To avoid prying work eyes follow these guidelines:


1. Alt + Space + C: Mothefuckas not knowing this, is like mothefuckas not having a fake id in middle school...WTF? This one hand ninja move quickly closes the application and can be done while you turn around.

2. Alt + Tab: Quickly switching between applications won't only enhance your slacking productivity but give you a Superman aura that soon you'll be watching full 2hr porn movies at work.


GO TO SLEEP.

F, Marry, Kill - A Jackal's Perspective

I am sure many of you are familiar with the F. Marry, Kill game played on Howard Stern, or at least heard of it from many others who enjoy a good opinion question. Basically you are provided 3 names. And you must F one, marry one and kill one.

So I thought I would kick it off by grabbing the first 3 women in today's headlines and throwing it out there for discussion. I picked these particular women because all 3 would look pretty good after a few Bone Crushers, but to have to speak to any one of them for more than 10 seconds without the aide of a narcotic would be next to impossible. Anxiously awaiting responses.

Kendra "Girl Next Door" Wilkinson Britney Spears

Sarah Palin

Yum yum

Just in case below is a man's behind I posted this...

Kyle Checks Back In

Clearly not deterred by the cautionary tale of Mark Musarella James "Kyle" Bond reports back in from the front line of Battlefield Intern: Sweatable or Desperate?

And I quote "That's pretty positive. Post it! I can't get pictures off my phone"

Godspeed Kyle, Godspeed...

Did Ball Deep Get Fired?

It's 11:05am and he hasn't posted yet. He's normally 5 deep by now. If he did we'll certainly have to pour one out...

When Keeping It Jackal Goes Wrong: Mark Musarella

Today we will introduce another new feature here at the Den, when keeping it Jackal goes wrong. The premise is quite simple: you attempt to be Jackal and things backfire or get totally out of control and you end up in some sort of sticky situation*. Maybe you put a middle finger on a bouncers head, maybe you pass out on the front lawn, maybe you hear of the Jackals and try to imitate their behavior and end up in jail...

Enter Mark Musarella of Staten Island, who clearly heard of the Jackals through the NYC connect. Keeping it Jackal could certainly include using your day job to take pictures of a female at work. It could include sharing those pictures with your friends. However if your work is that of an EMT and the lady you are taking pictures of is half naked murder victim** and then you place said pictures on facebook you have entered the realm of things going wrong and will certainly lose your job, most likely end up in jail, and probably end up getting ass raped ( you are afterall a former cop, jail is NOT for you).

Yeah this kind of thing is funny in an Eminem song, and is probably funny as a joke in an email to trusted friends and might even be funny as a joke on The Jackals Den blog. But to actually do it (and get caught), well that earns you the dubious honor of being the first member of the When Keeping It Jackal Goes Wrong Hall of Shame.

*Keeping it Jackal going wrong could certainly land you in a bitch juice situation. While this is not acceptable behavior it is certainly more Jackal than landing in bitch juice without attempting to keep it Jackal. If you find yourself in bitch juice territory without attempting to keep it Jackal you need to take a long look in the mirror, pull out a handgun, and shove it up your ass and pull the trigger until it goes click.

**Whys everyone a chubby chaser all of a sudden? Check the link. No disrespect, I'm just saying...

Fcking Mermaids motherfuckers

HOw the fuck you fuck a fucking mermaid?


Well a fuck at Two plus Two said B:

Now that's some Gay ass shit if you ask me!

(Although B doesn't talk much...big fucking plus)

Anyway...I take A and make that mermaid gag (oral insimination should fucking work after a while...)

A or B you guys choose

I'm gonna go it alone, boys

Please, gentleman, get a hold of yourselves. Yeah that's a sure fire way to get the goods. Unfortunately, we can't trust a matter of this magnitude to kin of ye Scarred One. In this age of technology and immediate satisfaction, it's easy to take the cyber horizontal walkway like they have at Chicago-O'Hare and Philadelphia airports, while others walk down the middle(no one's quite sure why, different blog) or stand idle on the moving walkway, when walking would damn near triple their TTT(total travel time). 

Let's face it. My mission, since I came up with it, I'd be a significantly large douche if I didn't follow through and accept, is to bring back another photo. Rather quickly, it will be come common knowledge that I do not own, nor consult a blackberry, but a standard cell phone. The subject of my photographs will conclude that I am A)extremely organized thanks to my cell phone calendar B)poorly organized in the 'Contacts' area of my phone directory or C)taking attempted discrete photographs in an attempt to show my buddies how hot she is

Let's do away with Facebooking and MySpaceing hot chicks, especially if you're married, because your wife might find out. And if you're scared of her, Scar Tissue/Jungle King(although obviously not king of your house) I'm looking in your direction, she might find out and spend all of your money on shoes or silly handbags. It's not a precaution, I'm just saying. NBA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!