If Rusty T Bone WERE Mayor........

Motherfucking Scrimps be getting scalped and shit. And if I were mayor I'd run over your car if you even looked at me the wrong way. Fuck your car dude!

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Harold Camping

"We've always said May 21 was the day, but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning," he said. "The fact is there is only one kind of people who will ascend into heaven ... if God has saved them they're going to be caught up." Camping then acknowledged he was, in fact, the inspiration for Jeff Dunham's ventriloquist alter-ego, Walter.

How fucking self-centerd can we be as a species? It's bad enough thinking that God spun all of this into motion for the good of man. So he could walk around in 'god's own image' and fuck up everything God gave him. Yeah, "It took me seven days to make you all this shit, so be sure and fuck it up real good, okay? Alright, I'll be back when you're done."

You stupid fucking honkey. It won't end in October either. And if you say one goddamn thing about another miscalculation, I'm gonna dip into my 401(k), buy a plane ticket and come kick you in your 89 year-old balls. Die, fucker!

No Shit: Afghan Prison Break Was "Inside Job"

Didn't see that one coming.

"Monday's break was the second escape at the prison in three years. In 2008, as many as 1,000 prisoners -- nearly half of them Taliban members -- escaped after militants detonated a truck bomb against the side of the prison compound."

Well, we're just gonna have to rebuild the prison, but better.

If You Gotta Go...

"A California man attending a cockfight has died after being stabbed in the leg by a bird that had a knife attached to its own limb."

No Shit: Alcohol Will Fuck You Up(...And Your Family Too!)

She is a temptress, but it turns out all this awesome we've been getting, might have been getting us.

No Shit: Facebook is for D-bags

Welcome to a new Jackals' Den series called, 'No Shit', where we highlight some obvious shit, everyone already knows and only clones deny.