SUCK A COCK: RAVENS

Hey after all this years is going to suck ass to lose to a 6 time Super Bowl Champion. Life aint fair, go cry somewhere else.

Keeping It Jackal: Baltimore Ravens

If you like sports stories, Sunday night's game against Queen Brady's(28-41, 335 yds 1 TD) Patriots had a ton of them. Joe Flacco was 28 of 39 for 382 yds and 3 TDs. Torrey Smith, who lost his little brother Saturday, caught 6 balls for 127 yds and 2 TDs. Down two scores with four minutes to go and come out on top. This is my football team. Here's hoping these jackals get some hardware, because they already play like champions. It's time.

Hahahahahahahahah!: Dallas Cowgirls

After all of it. Ever since he fumbled the snap out of an extra point-length field goal to fuck Dallas out of a playoff berth, the fact that this can still be a headline is fucking priceless. Jerry Jones, Keep Fuckin' That Chicken!

JOTD: Cory Redding

Last week, this former Seahawk, and Terp, holler at your boy, SS(BMR might start to give a shit about college football) sealed a Raven's victory. Today it was this former Seahawk(watch Josh Wilson celebrate with him immediately), and former Detroit Lion(JTFC, right?), who keep in mind has never played on a playoff team before. Seattle must be pissed, Ozzie gave up very little on the trades and then they also signed Houshmandzadeh for the league minimum. Seattle, what the fuck is your front office doing? This is a team of destiny. I feel like I'm already watching the NFL Films hour long special.

WTF?: Ravens "Statement" Games

A few weeks back, Ravens head coach and one jackal motherfucker, John Harbaugh, wondered aloud "why the Ravens don't get a non-Sunday, home game in primetime", as if he and his team were slighted in some regard to going on the road for marquee matchups. When you consistently fail to make a statement in those games, however, you can see why someone might not put you first in line. Denver(MNF 2 seasons ago), Green Bay(MNF last year), Atlanta(NFL Network), Tom Brady/Ben Roethlisberger/Payton Manning, get up for these games, yo! Next Monday, my boys get another chance, MNF, primetime, nationally-televised, but it's against Houston. That's not a statement. Well, it is if they don't win.

KFTC II: NFL Network

You're providing a forecast for a football game. In a dome. KFTC.

No Way!: BaltimoreRavens.com Be Jockin' BMR's Styles

GCOTD: Tom Brady

Brady telling Moss that his hair looks bad is like Creed telling Nickleback that they're lame.

See you next weekend, bitch.

Boogerdamus: Steelers "Marshmallow" Schedule Is Over

It would be nice to go for broke and say Baltimore prevails by two scores, but history dictates that will not be the case. Rather, Pittsburgh, perched miles above the rest of the league in "power rankings" will slide a little bit. I think the Ravens are better prepared, they started this season in one of the most hostile environments the NFL has to offer. They faced their former defensive coordinator in a brand new stadium, a game ESPN specifically requested. On a short week, it was probably hard as shit to go into Cincinnati and get anything going. I am not making excuses. Show me a team that has performed well in the same scenario. Cleveland should have been an easier game, but no one drew up a game plan for Peyton Hillis. Even still, a close divisional game(which you also happen to win) is another great form of preparation for this weekend in Shittsburgh. I am pissed I'll be on a flight on Sunday, because this game will be badass. Does any jackal want to DVR it fo' a ninja? I really think almost losing at home, to Atlanta, on opening day, squeaking out a win over the Titans with a special teams touchdown and beating Tampa Bay(on the road or anywhere else for that matter) does not merit the accolades NFL pundits are showering over Western PA. Am I a homer, or do any of you jackals gobble up what the Boog Man be servin'? As of tomorrow, I'm on PST, bitch. Don't sleep. Ravens 16, Steelers 9

Gut Punch: BMR

Yeah, I feel sheepish. But I also feel like Mark Sanchez cut up New England after not doing shit against Dmore. I'm also feeling like that short week in one of the toughest stretches in our schedule pretty much behind us. I thought McNabb needed some more time(having missed a lot of preseason), but apparently Baby Joey is the one that needs to work on communication with his receivers. I will chalk this up as a tough loss, but we have yet to play a game at home. Pittsburgh needed a special teams touchdown and 7 turnovers to pull out their 2nd win. Every asshole questioning our secondary can shut the fuck up now that Carson Palmer was kept out of the endzone. T-Large is still cloning it up. He texted me for no reason yesterday. No transcript available. Essentially, I came out on top when Revis got burned like a school child by Randy Moss. At that point I told T-Large that he, Rex Ryan and Revis all three need to stop talking. Sanchez proceeded to burn the Pats, but that validates my team. T-Large, do you follow me?

JOTD: Ray Lewis III

I feel bad for the school they dropped this mess on, but that's a hell of a day. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose. For those of you too lazy for hyperlinks,


"He registered 206 yards and two TDs on punt returns, 101 on kickoff returns, 104 rushing, 27 receiving and 66 on passing, where he completed 6 of 6 attempts. The son of Baltimore Ravens LB Ray Lewis also had six tackles and a pass deflection."

GCOTD: T-Large

***CHAT TRANSCRIPT***

me: go ahead and change that away message (T-Large's Away Message: J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!)

T Large: ugly game

me: whatever

it was beautiful

T Large: i think they will meet in the playoffs though

me: you got some work to do

T Large: i dont see too many teams beating either of them

10:39 AM me: sanchez is a douche

T Large: i also dont see how ravens fans think they were that much better than the jets

they both looked like shit

me: obviously you don't watch much football

T Large: ok

me: it's not ravens fans doing all the talking

T Large: so the ravens looked good?

10:40 AM me: it's sports writers

yeah

T Large: right

me: turnovers 3-1 Jets

and you lost

Ravens are nasty

10:41 AM T Large: didnt you get beat up by one of your own fans?

me: that's hilarious 

T Large: haha

10:42 AM me: go back and watch the game

look at our field position

T Large: i watched the game

me: and look at yours

then tell me why you lost

T Large: i know the jets sucked

me: or how the ravens looked "bad"

T Large: they sucked ass too

im not doing this anymore

me: aren't you from Jersey?

T Large: whatever

me: why don't you move back?

T Large: the ravens were spectacular

they were flawless

grade a

all the way

10:43 AM they need not improve

they are the best ever!

me: what's it like getting fired up for sports when you have no idea what you're watching

?

T Large: ha

me: talking a bunch of crap when you have no idea what you're talking about?

10:44 AM T Large: ok

you are a football mastermind

good for you

10:45 AM me: at least you have the yankees

in baseball you CAN go buy championships

not in the NFL though

T Large: and i am a good winner

i dont talks hit nonstop after my teams beat people

10:46 AM me: no you talk shit when you lose

that's worse

T Large: it was a good game

i said they would meet in the playoffs

because that means they are good

they both need to improve a lot though

10:47 AM they both played pretty poorly on offense

i dont see whay you are taking what i said way out of context

unless you just like fucking with me while im extremelyh hung over

Working Monday Is For Sucks When Your Boys Play On Monday Night Football

Goddamnit. I can't get anything done today. I just want to get awesome and listen to clone-ass ESPN reporters hype tonight's game some more. I really should have called out sick today.

J(s)OTD: Josh Wilson/John Cusack

"I couldn't be happier." Neither could we, Josh.

That's what's up. Some depth at corner and from an Upper Marlboro, MD native, College Park graduate. Jealous, Shoulders? I'll bet you are. I'll bet the Ravens fan inside of you is boiling right now. Pissed at how you grew up in Howard County, deprived of hometown football. It's here, my friend. Eli Manning is a pussy. You know this to be true.

In other news, it appears John Cusack is the motherfuckin' man. What you absolutely will love is the tone of that Fox article and how seriously it weighs the threats of mentally unstable people mindlessly killing off FoxNews and GOP candidates like zombies in a trance.

GCOTD: Sergio Kindle

Well this was certainly a bad start and if you were getting awesome when this happened, your teammates are about to be fuckin' pissed. Oh yeah, there's a pattern of sorts, also not good.

Clone Myth# 319: Ravens W/out Ed Reed Aren't Super Bowl-Caliber

Yeah, this guy Tommy Zbikowski was a total slouch last year. He filled in for Ed Reed for four games and only came away with two interceptions(and had one called back on a bullshit defensive penalty)


To all you cracka ass ninjas that hate the Fighting Irish, suck one. Granted my boy is probably Polish with a name like Zbikowski, but still, watch him box...



White boy wit da 1st round KO. Ba-leeve it. Dirty Birds will be just fine. I know, it's almost training camp and these broke ass NFL writers need some shit to talk about. Don't sleep. I would much prefer a healthy Ed Reed in the 2nd half of the season.

Tell It Like It Is: Bleacher Report

Do your thing,Bleacher Report. The Ravens' rookies make up more than 20% of their Most Influential AFC Rookies list and two of them PLAY THE SAME POSITION!

Do not sleep.

Boogerdamus: Travis Fisher + Matt Stover = Charmcity Lombardi

That's Travis Fisher + Matt Stover, yes that Matt Stover = Ravens 2nd Lombardi trophy. Do not sleep. I'm like 10% on B'damus predictions anyway so fuck it.

JOTD: Ozzie Fuckin' Newsome

"But for those who study the draft, the Ravens are considered almost unmatched because of their acumen in the middle rounds, where the remaining players have greater shortcomings. Football Outsiders analyzed the Ravens’ draft picks from 2001 through 2007 to determine the value of each pick, based on games started, compared with players at the same position chosen within 10 spots by other teams. During that time, the Ravens’ picks had the best average value."

Ba-leeve it.

Jackanalysis: Redskin Transplants

Well well well, Ol' Zorny and now a promotion for the Saund-meister!

JC, do you want to be a backup?