JOTD: Patrick the Pit Bull

"There are very few animals, or any life form, that could have gone through and survived what he has, and really never looked back."


When Patrick was brought to the hospital after being rescued by officials at the Associated Humane Societies, he was so starved, emaciated and dehydrated he was curled into a ball, unable to walk or stand. His ribcage protruded, he weighed about 20 pounds — roughly 30 pounds less than average — and was covered in sores with parts of skin hanging off him.


Kisha Curtis of Newark was charged with two fourth-degree offenses for "tormenting and torturing" an animal by failing to provide food and water, prosecutor said. The charges could carry a maximum jail sentence of 18 months and a fine of up to $10,000. She also faces two abandonment charges punishable by up to six months in jail with a $1,000 fine.


I'd like to see Kisha Curtis get mauled by a gang of blood-thirsty pit bulls. Maybe have Michael Vick electrocute the shit out of her. 

JOTD: Rush Holt

Yeah, suck one, Watson! You lil' bitch. Rush Holt is the pimp and you be da ho'. Run and tell that, homeboy. Maybe you need to update your spyware or some shit. NyQuil drinkin' ass skrimp.

Go Fuck Yourself: Derek Fenton

This is far beyond Gay Clone of the Day. This guy is a fuckin' idiot, had a shitty job and now he's really fucked. Hey, Derek, I like my McDonald's 1/4 pounder without pickles alright? Just kidding, I don't eat at McDonald's. That midsection leads me to believe you do. Go Fuck Yourself!

GCOTD: T-Large

***CHAT TRANSCRIPT***

me: go ahead and change that away message (T-Large's Away Message: J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!)

T Large: ugly game

me: whatever

it was beautiful

T Large: i think they will meet in the playoffs though

me: you got some work to do

T Large: i dont see too many teams beating either of them

10:39 AM me: sanchez is a douche

T Large: i also dont see how ravens fans think they were that much better than the jets

they both looked like shit

me: obviously you don't watch much football

T Large: ok

me: it's not ravens fans doing all the talking

T Large: so the ravens looked good?

10:40 AM me: it's sports writers

yeah

T Large: right

me: turnovers 3-1 Jets

and you lost

Ravens are nasty

10:41 AM T Large: didnt you get beat up by one of your own fans?

me: that's hilarious 

T Large: haha

10:42 AM me: go back and watch the game

look at our field position

T Large: i watched the game

me: and look at yours

then tell me why you lost

T Large: i know the jets sucked

me: or how the ravens looked "bad"

T Large: they sucked ass too

im not doing this anymore

me: aren't you from Jersey?

T Large: whatever

me: why don't you move back?

T Large: the ravens were spectacular

they were flawless

grade a

all the way

10:43 AM they need not improve

they are the best ever!

me: what's it like getting fired up for sports when you have no idea what you're watching

?

T Large: ha

me: talking a bunch of crap when you have no idea what you're talking about?

10:44 AM T Large: ok

you are a football mastermind

good for you

10:45 AM me: at least you have the yankees

in baseball you CAN go buy championships

not in the NFL though

T Large: and i am a good winner

i dont talks hit nonstop after my teams beat people

10:46 AM me: no you talk shit when you lose

that's worse

T Large: it was a good game

i said they would meet in the playoffs

because that means they are good

they both need to improve a lot though

10:47 AM they both played pretty poorly on offense

i dont see whay you are taking what i said way out of context

unless you just like fucking with me while im extremelyh hung over

JOTD: Ball Deep

Ball Deep, for his countless contributions to jackalhood and his philanthropic pursuit of getting awesome. Today we salute BD2x for taking his first steps to bustin' out of NJ. Wish a ninja luck!

Do Ya' Thing, NJ: Sorry, BD2, This One Was Wayyyy Too Good. Where's Clonelle?

And where is the animated Jessica Alba we were promised? Sorry, BD2, I'm really close to being done with ripping on New Jersey headlines, but this might be the best one yet.

GCOTD: Texiera

This is what happens Larry...when you fuck...a stranger...in the ass Larry......this is what happens.....this is what happens...this is what happens....when you fuck...a stranger...in the ass Larry.

The only version I could find on shitty ass you tube plagued by assholes


this is sort of funny actually even if it is viral marketing

Jackal of the Day: Me

NJ, I own you. Give me traffic, flooding, rain, stupid people, shitheads with bad haircuts, soccer moms on cell phones,  Jersey Shore TV shows, pollution, toxic air, toxic water, and the list goes on but you will not take my jackalness! Respect thy gangsta at all times and at all costs! Feel my fury!!!!

BLABAHHRRARRRAHAHHRHARHRHARRRAHH!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY JACKALNESS! PLEASE BAALLEEEVE ME!

GO THE FUCK TO ASLEEEEEEPPPPPP!!!!

HHHHHHOOOOOWWWWWWWWLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS fuck you Google Blogger piece of crap website thingy for wasting a half hour of my life not letting me load my hilarious video, which makes this post make no sense.. Great work....fags

Thank you Head and SS for pointing this out to me...fags

Rain sucks almost as much as snow....Almost

It finally stopped raining today.  In fact it was fucking beautiful.  Got out for a ride on my bike as any jackal with their own sister site would and it was fanfuckingtastic.  But the weekend, holy geez did it suck eggs.  This is not a river but a road.This is normally where I mountain bike comfortably dry. not so much on this day
This is normally a small creek, that house on the left was eventually added to the toxic soup
I found one good way to get around the rainy day blues Sunday and it involved a mountain bike and 5-6 inches of solid mud (toxic NJ mud) to ride around in and then a proper cleaning of said bike by driving through the a bunch of roads that were underwater (toxic NJ water) in my (toxic NJ) town.  There is a Bruce Springsteen song in there somewhere... 

What was not cool was the 4 hours worth of commuting yesterday because every major road was closed due to flooding...not jackal in the least.

PS - I just farted.

PPS - That last label is just to see if Duke is still lurking around. Something tells me we haven't heard the last from that guy. I think he is pretty damn funny does that make me a clone by association?

PPPS - where the fuck is Scar Shoulders??!!?!

WTF: Do Ya' Thang, NJ

Ahh, aspirations. Bro-jangles, get out of that frickin' state.

Turns out this guy has more to do tonight than me.  I had tickets to the Big East Tournament Championship Game at Madison Square Garden, but Droppa Deuce is fighting to stop the flood in his basement from all of this godforsaken rain we are having so we had to let them go.  So now I get to watch it on my TV by myself...awesome.  Oh well I am sure it won't be a fun game to watch anyway.  At least the Duke show is over and the dudes can pull their pants back up.

Check Yo Inbox

Vegas vs. Atlantic City

In the meantime we can go to AC? What is Clonelle or whoever that was talking about? That is like comparing Megan Fox to Rosanne Barr. Yeah, they are both humans but that is about the only thing they have in common. BMR is right AC sucks. I'd rather go to Black Bear Chalet or some other shit hole in the woods than stay within the confines of this god awful state.

Don't believe me? Look to Hollywood for proof then:

Atlantic City obviously GAF



Las Vegas so jackal you get awesome upon arrival

Fuck NY

I found a good reason to have a kid.  Among all of the many other things that make it awesome to be the dad of a future jackalette, being a father allows for an early exit from a holiday party where the majority of participants reside in either in "Bro"boken, NJ or Strong Island, NY.  No football, no quality beverages no hot women, no decent food, etc., etc.

Being a father gets you out of parties with a bunch of Long Island guidos talking about "da giants" and "mootzarell" and " da Bronx Bombas worll champs".  Seriously fuck NY all "7" boroughs.  Fuck the wannabe rich fucks of Long Island, Fuck the yuppie hipster Brooklynites, fuck the my shit don't stink and I wear Brooks Brothers Manhattanites, fuck the suburban sprawl Queens, fuck da home of da Yankees Bronx, fuck Staten Island NYs landfill, and most of all fuck the entire state of NJ,  Parasite on a giant fucking douchebag's ass.  Please someone throw Ball DEEP a life jacket because a jackal be drowning in GAFness up in dis bitch.

BD2 out.

Seriously....fuck the Yankees

Man I hope the Angels get out of this game.  The thought of having to hear about the Yankees for one more day on top of hearing about the fucking Giants every freaking ten minutes makes a jackal want to break fools dome pieces.  Go fuck yourself NY.  I know Voicemail was touching on this the other night but what are these guys in a douchebag contest or something.  AJ Burnett = Guy that blows dudes


Oh great as I am writing this the Yankees just tied it up...

Droppa Deuce: Droppin' Knowledge on the Depths of Evil of NJ

This is the lamest thing I have ever seen.  I can't figure out if it is claymation or real people.  If you can make it past 23 seconds of this you are the gayest fucking person that ever lived.

email from DD:

At what point does something like this go from shockingly bad- to unintentional art?

Discuss.

Droppa Deuce

PS- see if you can catch this little nugget: "I'm gonna make you come tonight (over to my house)."  Get it?  I know, it's subtle.

Wack ass food: Ball Deep performs his best Alky Jay Impression towards the point of puking

As a native Marylander, I take pride in eating giant insect looking things from the sea that other people would rather die than consume. I have tried just about every nasty ass bottom feeder there is from raw oysters, to Crabs, to worms, to goldfish, to eel, also pork brains, and of course giant (cell phone-sized) moths on the glass door at Royal Farms...you name it. But I have found my nemesis in the shit eating world and his name is Mussels.

These little bastards caused me an epic diarrhea and vomit display back on my anniversary dinner in June that lasted a solid (actually not solid at all) 24 hours. Down at Long Beach Island in NJ this past weekend. I decided to tempt fate yet again and reunite with this horrendous creature at the local seafood restaurant. Now granted I was driving so there were no adult libations to quell any uneasy seas so I had to rely on good grace of the Lord to see me through. Turns out this was the wrong move because I proceded to unleash a brutal display of rejection into the toilet, not seen since Jenna Bithrow rejected the "It's just me, Boogers McRib" approach Boogers used while climbing into bed with the unsuspecting minx back in the Glenelg days.

So my advice to you, my jackals, is that if something spends it's life eating other creatures shit, it is probably best to avoid it (unless it is a Maryland Blue from a reputable restaurant, then go nuts.) No matter how jackal it may seem at the time. It is important to reemphasize that no awesomeness was performed in the beverage department which most likely could have prevented the entire episode. In addition, I ate seafood from probably the most polluted waters in the world...i'm just sayin' Fuck NJ.

GCOTD: NJ State Police and DMV

min 2:16....priceless

The den has been infiltrated!! I think these Jersey gay clones must have heard me bashing their state the other week because I got pulled over this morning. Got me for 69 in a 55 mph zone. Good news for me is that he pulled me over as I was decelerating because he could have gotten me for triple digits a few miles up the road (snicker), but I digress.

To make matters worse, my license expired yesterday, so I have to go and get that renewed. Due to the fact that the state deficit is bigger than some countries annual budget, the DMV is only open during the week, which means I have to go on my lunch break. I tried to go today, walked in to the local cesspool of society a.k.a. DMV and then directly back out again because I like money and I need my job to get it and I could have spent the entire afternoon there.

These Jersey muthafuckas are holdin' a jackal down. I may do some texting while driving on the way home as a little retaliation.

Fuck the rain

It has been raining in the Armpit for literally an entire month. I think we have had possibly one 1/2 day of no rain since April. What the fuck is going on?

Have we finally polluted enough that the world is finally saying fuck you pricks, you have puffed your final CO2 emission; now, enjoy the next 300 days of straight rain followed by an absurdly long winter and then a draught?

I thought the only places that were supposed to get rain like this were in Asia. What the fuck? Really this shit is fucking my head up.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I have done my penance and I can leave this God forsaken place.

Fuck New Jersey.