Jackals Dream Garage

Many people say vehicles are for transportation and nothing more.  Others say guys that are into cars are compensating for something, or that you are not being a good citizen if you don't get good gas mileage.  To all of these kinds of people I say...fuck you.  Here are some rides that any Jackal would be happy to rock on the regular or in most of these cases super.  Prius's are for gay clones.

Steve McQueen's 250 GT...sold for a cool $2.3m

 Ducati Sport Classic
Morgan Aeromax
 Jesse James '54 Mercury
 Nissan GT-R R34

 Rat Rod...no idea what it is, but who wouldn't want this??

If you don't know what this is cut your dick off right now.
Triumph Street Triple SE
Why yes that is Steve McQueen doing a burnout...OG Badass

Jackal Childhood Memories: Pink Elephants

So I couldn't find the original of this because Disney is now the giant gay clone corporation churning out mindless CGI entertainment for the masses, but there was a when Disney was churning out some seriously Jackal material.  I can remember this scaring the living UNF out of me as a kid.  Baby Jackaline will be watching this as soon as she is old enough, in my case that was three years old.  With assistance from outside substances you can still capture its awesomeness today.  I mean really they got so drunk they saw this?? Where can I sign up?

 
Disney was on some good shit back in the day

The Den is color Friendly!

FUCK YOU IF A FAT CHICK IS GOING TO BE ON THIS FUCKING BLOG...

SKITTLES

Hey no worries if you black, white, red we have much love for everyone! (except if you are obese of course)

Hot and heavy

Scott Hamilton isn't subtle. When he's bromancing you, you know it. It would be a lot easier for a black lady to shout into her phone without holding it sideways, but you know that isn't going to happen. All I'm saying is, you gotta be careful when your trying to maintain jackalism/wizardry/general awesomeness across the board, you can't be parading through the Jackals Den with "tasting notes". Further, a blog to blog hypertext relationship might be a bit much too soon. Before you know it, you're making vodka pairing inquiries and "hey, Evanessence, you know what would be an awesome flavor of vodka?" We don't want to see our jackal get hurt. I'm just saying...

I'm here

And yes, I was hammered when you sent the original request, so I didn't remember when I got it.

This is much better than an inbox flooded with one word answers.  Now because we are published to the "Internets", Jackals feel obligated to really spout some original hilarious shit.  It's good for posterity.  Now everybody can see how awesome we are/get.

What's the over/under on the first work firewall block of "jackalsunf"?  I'm going to start the bidding at 14 days.

Who wants what?  I'll play bookie?

Hope you all have a backup plan

Ya Fiyad!

Check out # 4 on this list...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Fired

Talking too much and conducting personal business at work.
Don't be guilty of misusing company resources, including the Internet, office supplies, and especially telephones; too much idle (personal talking) with coworkers. Non-business talking wastes more company dollars than any other activity. It should be saved for lunch and break times. This includes talking on the phone/email with stockbrokers, travel agents, hairdressers, bankers, etc.
In the 1960s and into the early 1970s, many offices and factories did not allow any conversation - employees were to work, not talk. This policy loosened somewhat in the 1980s and 1990s and then as employers discovered how much talking costs them, they began laying off the talkers. HOWEVER, some employers allow a certain amount of this type of activity and it is important to understand YOUR company policies and follow them.

Clearing the record on Lee's lame post

Alright. Time to clear the record. Lee, no one is giving you a hard time for drinking awesome vodka. Clearly we all approve of that jackal like behavior. Its the post that's the problem here. It was seriously lacking in any sort of jackalness. If I didnt know any better, I thought it was written by principal Belding. It made me want to play with kittens and help old people cross the street. Seriously, I'd think if you wrote 6 paragraphs about drinking too much and getting awesome, there would be atleast one instance to growl.

Second: I wholy disaprove of your efforts towards mass marketing. Didnt you read the disclaimer on this page. "Material is suited for jackals only". Last thing we need is for a group of Baltimore bitches to go into cardiac arrest after looking at our awesomeness. I don't need that kinda blood on my hands.

Back at you ShoulderOuchy.

Gay Clone of the Day: Roger Federer

I am not sure how this sport beacame popular. Well at least men's tennis that is, women's tennis makes complete sense especially when talking about talent. But come on...who watches this shit?? NBA is rigged and has no emotion and Hockey is GAF, but at least they are manly talents. Jumping around like a fag after winning your "match" only proves further that tennis is the be all end all of lame sports, save UFC which is a another discussion for another time. Congrats Roger, you are the winner of the whole lot of suck of the day award.

CAUTION: Drinking vodka may cause skrimpture

So you've bypassed your usual Saturday yard work, car washing and luckily your wife decided she didn't need to go shopping with all of your money. You think, "Why don't I go all out for a vodka tasting?" Flat fee, flavored vodka, food to soak your booze. Good stuff, right? Wrong! Unless you're Russian, or an unflappable high school junior, splitting a handle with your lacrosse buddies, you can't handle vodka. Not in the midddle of the fucking afternoon. Of course, if your libations are intended to salute hardcore, toothless motherfuckers, passing out, angry expressions and eyebrows/hitler mustaches of chicken skins are to be expected.

Under the guise of tantalizing flavors, the odorless spirit stalks you. Aside, why is bacon so fucking hip right now? If you ask me, the only worthy advancement should be in the direction of making bacon healthy and still tasty. So bacon lovers can continue to adorn their meats and cheeses with 'ye olde fat of back', without catching shit from which ever harbinger of estrogenic buzz killery happens to be sqwaking nearby. Furthermore, nothing truly jackal was ever referred to with the word "essence". The one exception is UNEssence, the aroma of Jackals, soon to be released at cosmetic counters/department stores worldwide. This shit smells like malt liquor, cigar smoke, baby hatred, butt sweat, and the old Head and Shoulders/Selsun Blue. Bitches and cougars alike will be jocking your nuts like Wilford Brimley on a box of Swedish Fish.

So once you see daylight again, the vodka realizes you're attempting to thwart its influence and possibly operate a motor vehicle. Not only is this behavior skrimpish and unjackular, it is a severe health hazard. Let's portend the departure is further complicated by an hour's transit to the nearby, or not so nearby capital of this great nation. Well, friend at that point, you may find yourself verbally meandering for excuses to dodge your evening's plans hurling fecal matter and marking territory with streams of pee. Like a janitor fumbling for a single key in his enormous collection, they spew out, "I think I'll watch the hockey game, I'm in need of a motivational speech, Stomp the Yard in HD, my wife had to go to the emergency room..." Then my friend, once bitch juice runneth over thy cup, resistance is futile. At this point, one may find oneself hanging up on a fellow jackal. Mistake not, this is the "essence" of skrimpture.

Boogers McRib's opinions are consistent with those of JackalsUNF.blogspot.com. Any behavior such as that described above is strictly prohibited by self-proclaimed jackals.

Spelling is for bitches

I'm Just Saying

Jackaling Responsibly

Leave it to Head (the first one of us to get married, the first one of us to intentionally pop out a baby, the one with the highest IQ, etc.) to point out that this blog is searchable by employers, wives, the FBI, etc. So if we use real names it can be found via google. And then when they read how awesome we get they will have to be killed and made into pulled pork. I suggest Ball Deep goes back and edits his last post to G1ink4 throughout. Get creative with it. And yes this post is GAF but we all gotta keep our sweet desk gigs so we can continue to get awesome via Jackals Den. They ain't got no Internet on the fence building line, ball deep knows what I'm talking about.

ps fuck shit ass bitch cunt shoobity doo wop, whew i feel better.

Jackal vs. Kitty Cat

BlackOut II makes me want to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRJEDGSdFJw
That shit is mad jackal.

Lee, I aint saying your Alex Grant or nothin. You've certainly proved your jackal on many occasions, but that vodka post makes me want to :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_OiHqd-4vM

Baleeve it.