If You Gotta Go...

So the story behind that really cheesey, kind of jackal photo is I googled this poor bastard's name and got a jackal-related(albeit Stargate-esque) image like six hits down the list.

Just to think though, all that bullshit over a woman. I know a lot of them seem like they're worth it, but crocodiles?

WTF?: 2 Years in a Chair Guy

One officer said it was the worst thing he ever responded to. And most said the worst part of all was the smell. Ironically the landlord says the man in the chair rented from her before and used to be a vital active person.


Police said the man's skin had become attached to the fabric of the chair after he sat in it for two years. Authorities said he was sitting in his own feces and urine and maggots were visible.


Shockingly, two other able-bodied people lived there---another man, who had a separate bedroom, and the girlfriend of the man who was stuck in the chair. Officials say the girlfriend served food to him, since he never got up.

In other news, this Colombian football fan's friends are fucking nuts. If y'all jackals get a hold of my corpse, march that beast into M&T Bank vs. the Steelers on Monday night. The runner up would be getting cremated and having my ashes scattered all over the Pittsburgh bench.

If You Gotta Go...

"A western Michigan high school basketball player collapsed on the court and later died after making the game-winning shot to cap his team’s perfect season."

Not jackal enough? How about knowingly/willingly eating yourself to death? bhmf, this one is ripe for puns...

KFTC: Facebookers

You won't be happy until you Facebook someone to death, will you? "Driving to work and this dumb guy is in the middle of my lane exchanging insurance information." Glad to know! Wow, some poor bastard gets into an accident and subsequently plowed by your dumbass because of your Facebook status. This does make me feel better about being a Donte Stallworth fan, however. At least he was abusing substances in the wee hours of the morning.

If You Gotta Go...

"A California man attending a cockfight has died after being stabbed in the leg by a bird that had a knife attached to its own limb."

If You Gotta Go...

...you might as well go out in style.

Frank: A good cop - needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums.
Ed: That's no way for a man to die.
Frank: No... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!
Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh... Frank. This is terrible!
Ed: Don't you worry, Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I'm trying to say is that, Wilma, as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: ...Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense.
[Wilma cries again]