RIP Fetus Face

Dude, my beezy. When I holler, I'll holler Babyface. I rarely put a coherent thought together. It's got nothing to do with blogging, it's like Tissue said, "for best results, medicate."

Goooooo!

GAF, times like this make me hate life in general.

SUCK A BAG OF DICKS

A lot of people talk about seeing Jesus in a scrambled egg or the Virgin Mary in a pancake. Can you imagine if you opened this tupper of butter? What if you hadn't been laid in a super long time? Fetus Face, you feelin' me now? English, mother fucker? Do you speak it?

Jackals: The Next Dinosaurs?

Are we, as jackals, doomed to the fate of awesomeness gone by? No one of us would be able to hold one of the four expressions on display here for more than five seconds without cracking the fuck up. These chaps were probably swimming in vaj. I'm pretty sure they had ass flying in through the kitchen window. You could weave four sweaters for Mike Greenberg out of their hair, but only one for Mike Golic. It's not like I'm here to take a dump on our glorious blog. It's so much the opposite. Throw feces and urine all up in this bitch. Open up your window and howl as opposed to saying, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" or "Rosebud!" or "You can't handle the truth!" or "Hey, Gilmore, you suck! Jackasss!!!!!!" Just don't take your fecal tossin' for granted. After all,

Pretty soon, Droppa Deuce is gonna be bouncin' short sleeves right out of town. Joe Buck is sweating his jock off. He doesn't fuck a give about how much baseball sucks. Ninja be like, "I'm gittin' paaaaiiid!" My friend Bob opens beer bottles with his teeth. Can you imagine trying to become a wizard as T-Large and Big Droppa have? Yo, fetus face, weigh in on this comic strip! Droppa, when you do swing through, leave us an audio byte of you sayin', "Back, back like a Buttamilk Biscuit Before Ballin' up that Bitches Big Bouncin' Breasts!" HOOWWWWLL!

Jackal Childhood Memories: Butthole Surfers

Fucking awesome song from back in the day.  

Music is doomed

if this a real song i have no hope left for humanity
Jackals howl at this bitch

Cornbeefin' G

Well, I must admit it was surprising to hear from someone who just last week explained that his experience going to see Rent wasn't quite as enjoyable as a lovely evening spent soaking in the Lion King (is that guy fucking a cheetah?). These hardly seem like jackal-worthy exploits. Furthermore, I gather that "corning beef" has been dubbed to be an un-jackal activity by someone that gloats about "smoking pork" on a fairly regular basis. I ask you, jackals, what sounds more questionable through the lens of a jackal?

So, after a work induced-respiteit appears I was the target of some slander.
That shit aside, this week's been jam-packed with awesomeness; namely, seeing the fruits of my medival approach to brisket.

This tale of curing began last Tuesday (June 2nd to be exact) with a brisket, some shit, internet access and dreams. After a week of soaking in some sweet-ass juices and spice I was ready to get my corned beef on.

Just having a soak.


Into the fire...


Add the filler


Get some


Two women told me they "dug my beef" today, and they would "love some more", who else can say that? Oh yeah, and his dog is "afraid of water" too, how jackal could he be?

'Nuff said, and remember, ScarShoulders, I brought you into this blogging world, and I can damn sure take you out.

Office Politics: UNF

It is in a jackal's nature to mark its territory with UNF. Many of us, excluding T-Large and a few others are forced to be out of our natural element in a giant concrete structure with rules and courtesies that make us Jackals feel uncomfortable. Sometimes uncomfortable enough to want to take our shirt off and relax. One of the few places, besides the Den, that a Jackal can escape within the confines of this corporate prison is the shitter. That is why it makes me so damn mad when some fool comes and fucks up my "me" time.


Here are a few bonehead maneuvers that I am sure many of you experience on the regular:

* Talking of any sort to another man with his junk out, with only the trust that he is not GAF and a metal separator between the urinals.

* Sink conversations involving local sports teams, commutes to work, weather and lunch room offerings.

* THIS IS A BIG ONE - Acting as if this is a continuation of my cubicle and discussing anything that remotely resembles work or work related issues.

* Continuing a conversation with another user after all functions shitting, pissing, washing of hands are completed. Take that shit somewhere else.

* Eye contact...catch a jackal hungover or tired and your face will become a toilet.

Here are some jackal retaliations to help aide you survive this hellish experience

* Fart audibly either while pissing, shitting or washing hands while maintaining zero facial expression. In extreme cases, you may need to make eye contact while performing this to ensure they get the point.

* Talk out loud on your cell phone to your bitch about what is going down in the bedroom tonight whilst shitting in the stall.

* Make moaning noises as if you were giving birth to Babyface while shitting.

* Rap the vocals to GO TO SLEEP out loud while bobbing head to a non-existent beat at the urinal.

* If all else fails, on your last day of work, or when you lose your shit and are ready for a new job...UNF them muthafuckas.

Find The Gay as Fuck Shit Quiz

There are 8 things that are Gay as Fuck in this Evite. Find all 8 and you get a special prize.

A handful of you are related to the person who has the time to send out this gay shit but doesn't have the time to look at or post on the blog. Your entire family is disgraced by these actions.

Coming soon.... 100th post!

Let's face it. We are legit. I'm just sayin'

Jackals would probably howl and/or set off a bear trap to prove their elusivity. They sure as hell wouldn't lower their guard by eating funny pills and burrowing in a tunnel of air. One of those individuals, however, was on display, attempting to "serve" other individuals, some more jackal than the next. It's not the hippie's fault some stuffed shirt snuck into the show and can't deal with someone else's manner of self expression. I'm going out on a limb to say that the operator of that camera phone was a big fat cunt. Missing Jackal Joe Brinker would probably place his standard issue combat footwear squarely in her taint and bus' up some ovaries. I can't imagine a performance that culminates in a human howling(in real life), but I hope to see it before they dust of my sunday best and lay this Jackal to rest. Here's hoping The Brink catches wind of his absence and rights that vessel. Holler at Savage one time!

What's More Jackal?

The first installment in a new feature in the Den What's More Jackal? I won't even explain the premise.

As we continue my never ending debate with T-Cramps and Fusilli Dick I would like to enter into evidence two exhibits. These exhibits demonstrate what people are known to do when they here certain music.

Exhibit A

Feats of athletic prowess, on beat dancing, stunts involving giant bear traps, howling.

Exhibit B

Off beat dancing, people standing around looking bored, some gay arm flapping.

So the question posed to the jury is simple: What's More Jackal?

I'm a fucking genius!

Peep the sidebar!

Happy Birthday Jackie!

What up short stack? Gotta give ya a shout out on your first birthday. I see you're as shocked as we are that your uncle tends to ask waitresses if they are wearing a Calvin Klein Bra, this is a good sign. In honor of your big day I'm gonna hit you off with a list of things you can overcome cause Jackal knows they ain't ya fault.

1. You didn't pick to live in the armpit. That ain't ya fault.


2. You didn't pick the name Lucy. That ain't ya fault. You wanted to be Jackie and your uncle SS will always respect that.


3. You didn't pick to be so damn attracted to Linus. Dude's 1 year old and has a bad ass scar, you can't resist that. That ain't ya fault.


4. You didn't pick to be a Creel, genetically destined to be as athletically gifted as Kerry Collins and as fond of the bottle as Kerry Collins. That ain't ya fault.


5. You didn't pick to have a father that huffs saltwater out of a freaking tea kettle. That ain't ya fault.

Finally you didn't pick to be a mutha fuckin Jackal from the cradle to the grave. That shit sure as fuck ain't ya fault but it is a mutha fuckin honor. Raise a leg a piss on Ruby to celebrate, it's your big day. Happy #1.

ps "You're such a good girl, yes you are. you're such a good little Lucy Wucy. Yes you are, yes you are" - Uncle D who used to be Jackal as fuck and now is apparently invisible...

pps never EVER go in a room alone with Uncle Short Sleeves.

Ghost of Jackal's Past: Where is he now?

Anyone seen or talked to this Jackal in awhile?