Move Over Bacon Explosion

http://www.culinarycafe.com/Holiday_Favorites/Turducken.html

Can we have this for Mancation "The Deuce"?

It has to be unbelievable. Before you discount the fact that it's all birds, look at the dressings between each layer. Oysters and sausage?

Yes, have some. I insist.

Gay Clone of the Day: Akmadeeenajaaad

No detail needed. Fuck this guy...i'm just sayin'.

Congrats, Ackmadinajaddd. You're today's winner of the whole lot of suck award.

WTF?????

"You know how I know you're gay? Because you like the Yankees..."

Step 1 Complete!

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/draft2009/news/story?id=4260925

He's coming back. On to step 2, getting Born Ready...

THE JACKAL, THE DOVE, AND THE PANTHER

There was once a dove who built a nice soft nest as a home for her three little ones. She was very proud of their beauty, and perhaps talked about them to her neighbours more than she need have done, till at last everybody for miles round knew where the three prettiest baby doves in the whole country-side were to be found.

One day a jackal who was prowling about in search of a dinner came by chance to the foot of the rock where the dove's nest was hidden away, and he suddenly bethought himself that if he could get nothing better he might manage to make a mouthful of one of the young doves. So he shouted as loud as he could, 'Ohe, ohe, mother dove.'

And the dove replied, trembling with fear, 'What do you want, sir?'

'One of your children,' said he; 'and if you don't throw it to me I will eat up you and the others as well.'

Now, the dove was nearly driven distracted at the jackal's words; but, in order to save the lives of the other two, she did at last throw the little one out of the nest. The jackal ate it up, and went home to sleep.

Meanwhile the mother dove sat on the edge of her nest, crying bitterly, when a heron, who was flying slowly past the rock, was filled with pity for her, and stopped to ask, 'What is the matter, you poor dove?'

And the dove answered, 'A jackal came by, and asked me to give him one of my little ones, and said that if I refused he would jump on my nest and eat us all up.'
But the heron replied, 'You should not have believed him. He could never have jumped so high. He only deceived you because he wanted something for supper.' And with these words the heron flew off.

He had hardly got out of sight when again the jackal came creeping slowly round the foot of the rock. And when he saw the dove he cried out a second time, 'Ohe, ohe, mother dove! give me one of your little ones, or I will jump on your nest and eat you all up.'
This time the dove knew better, and she answered boldly, 'Indeed, I shall do nothing of the sort,' though her heart beat wildly with fear when she saw the jackal preparing for a spring.
However, he only cut himself against the rock, and thought he had better stick to threats, so he started again with his old cry, 'Mother dove, mother dove! be quick and give me one of your little ones, or I will eat you all up.'

But the mother dove only answered as before, 'Indeed, I shall do nothing of the sort, for I know we are safely out of your reach.'

The jackal felt it was quite hopeless to get what he wanted, and asked, 'Tell me, mother dove, how have you suddenly become so wise ?'

'It was the heron who told me,' replied she.

'And which way did he go?' said the jackal.

'Down there among the reeds. You can see him if you look,' said the dove.

Then the jackal nodded good-bye, and went quickly after the heron. He soon came up to the great bird, who was standing on a stone on the edge of the river watching for a nice fat fish. 'Tell me, heron,' said he, 'when the wind blows from that quarter, to which side do you turn?'

'And which side do you turn to?' asked the heron.

The jackal answered, 'I always turn to this side.'

'Then that is the side I turn to,' remarked the heron.

'And when the rain comes from that quarter, which side do you turn to?'

And the heron replied, 'And which side do you turn to?'

'Oh, I always turn to this side,' said the jackal.

'Then that is the side I turn to,' said the heron.

'And when the rain comes straight down, what do you do?'

'What do you do yourself?' asked the heron.

'I do this,' answered the jackal. 'I cover my head with my paws.'

'Then that is what I do,' said the heron. 'I cover my head with my wings,' and as he spoke he lifted his large wings and spread them completely over his head.

With one bound the jackal had seized him by the neck, and began to shake him.

'Oh, have pity, have pity!' cried the heron. 'I never did you any harm.'

'You told the dove how to get the better of me, and I am going to eat you for it.'

'But if you will let me go,' entreated the heron, 'I will show you the place where the panther has her lair.'

'Then you had better be quick about it,' said the jackal, holding tight on to the heron until he had pointed out the panther's den. 'Now you may go, my friend, for there is plenty of food here for me.'

So the jackal came up to the panther, and asked politely, 'Panther, would you like me to look after your children while you are out hunting?'

'I should be very much obliged,' said the panther; 'but be sure you take care of them. They always cry all the time that I am away.'

So saying she trotted off, and the jackal marched into the cave, where he found ten little panthers, and instantly ate one up. By-and-bye the panther returned from hunting, and said to him, 'Jackal, bring out my little ones for their supper.'

The jackal fetched them out one by one till he had brought out nine, and he took the last one and brought it out again, so the whole ten seemed to be there, and the panther was quite satisfied.
Next day she went again to the chase, and the jackal ate up another little panther, so now there were only eight. In the evening, when she came back, the panther said, 'Jackal, bring out my little ones!'

And the jackal brought out first one and then another, and the last one he brought out three times, so that the whole ten seemed to be there.

The following day the same thing happened, and the next and the next and the next, till at length there was not even one left, and the rest of the day the jackal busied himself with digging a large hole at the back of the den.

That night, when the panther returned from hunting, she said to him as usual, 'Jackal, bring out my little ones.'

But the jackal replied: 'Bring out your little ones, indeed! Why, you know as well as I do that you have eaten them all up.'

Of course the panther had not the least idea what the jackal meant by this, and only repeated, 'Jackal, bring out my children.' As she got no answer she entered the cave, but found no jackal, for he had crawled through the hole he had made and escaped. And, what was worse, she did not find the little ones either.

Now the panther was not going to let the jackal get off like that, and set off at a trot to catch him. The jackal, however, had got a good start, and he reached a place where a swarm of bees deposited their honey in the cleft of a rock. Then he stood still and waited till the panther came up to him: 'Jackal, where are my little ones?' she asked.

And the jackal answered: 'They are up there. It is where I keep school.'

The panther looked about, and then inquired, 'But where? I see nothing of them.'

'Come a little this way,' said the jackal, 'and you will hear how beautifully they sing.'

So the panther drew near the cleft of the rock.

'Don't you hear them?' said the jackal; 'they are in there,' and slipped away while the panther was listening to the song of the children.

She was still standing in the same place when a baboon went by. 'What are you doing there, panther?'

'I am listening to my children singing. It is here that the jackal keeps his school.'
Then the baboon seized a stick, and poked it in the cleft of the rock, exclaiming, 'Well, then, I should like to see your children!'

The bees flew out in a huge swarm, and made furiously for the panther, whom they attacked on all sides, while the baboon soon climbed up out of the way, crying, as he perched himself on the branch of a tree, 'I wish you joy of your children!' while from afar the jackal's voice was heard exclaiming: 'Sting, her well! don't let her go!'

The panther galloped away as if she was mad, and flung herself into the nearest lake, but every time she raised her head, the bees stung her afresh so at last the poor beast was drowned altogether.

Guest Joke Writer Of The Day: C4mer0n C011ins

This time it's not a joke but a really funny blog. Peep it.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/index.php

Requesting an update

Ball Deep, how did the golf outing go? Still have your job?

Give a muthafuckin' Jackal his props: Scar Shoulders

It's Monday, which means it is time for yet another installment of give a muthafuckin' Jackal his props.

How many of you can say that you have made another human being lick the bottom of your shoe? How many of you can say that said individual happens to be twice your size, sober, and, oh yeah, you also have a torn ACL with a gigantic cast, sandal and sock combination on at the time?

Not many right? I can think of only one person who carries with him such a statement. In addition to a plethora of badassery and hilariousness that has followed him through the foothills of Riverhill back to Glenelg, through College Park and DC. SS was one of the fortunate few who was there from the Genesis of the Jackal lifestyle (.....porkchop, extra gravvvvay!). Although he has been rockin' that shit C2G (cradle to grave: dumbed down for Babyface) from day one.

Here are a few things that SS excels at:

*Getting awesome skills

*Freaking out the Squares skills

*Hip Hop Knowledge skills

*Wrong team liking (Giants) skills

*Good team liking (Terps) skills

*BBall Skills

*Mixtape Skills

*Operation of utterly horrible, and probably unsafe (Until recently) vehicles skills (Corolla, Datsun pickup, etc.)

*Arguement skills

*Making fun of skills

*Funny remark skills

*Blogging skills

*REPLY TO ALL MASTERY

*Cat liking skills

*Meat cooking/eating skills

*Cholestorol evasion skills

*Sunburn skills

*Party having skills

*Work evasion skills

*Parents house sharing skills

*Giants Starter and Triumph leather visor rocking skills

*Getting into and out of legal trouble skills

*Chinee Foo sounding name even though he hates asians skills

*Jackal Mastery skills...to the fullest

The list goes on but you get the point.

So here is to you Scar Shoulders, you not only wear the scar on your shoulders to prove your jackalness, you live it and breathe it everyday.

HHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

Todays the Day...

...Greivis Vasquez declares if he's staying in the draft or coming back to MD to fuck around and grab another couple triple doubles. As a Terps fan I would love him to come back, he will make the team immensely better, but as a Vasquez supporter (and I know there are ignorant haters lying in the grass on this very blog) I just hope he makes the right choice. If he stays in I hope he gets drafted and sticks with a team. I honestly think the kid has a bright NBA future ahead of him and just hasn't had much to work with at MD. That game vs UNC last year was one of the most dominant all around games by a single player I have ever seen in college basketball. Fingers crossed things work out for the best.
HOWL!
ps Danny Green is a Lawrence Moten/Hakim Warrick gay clone, he'll suck in the NBA
pps I was at that UNC game, it was sick
ppps I'll have season tickets next year, 2nd row, I fuckin rule

Jackals Den 100th Post UNF The World Extravaganza!

What better place to represent the Jackals' Den 100th post than from the privacy of the porcelain throne. Five to ten years ago I would have had to go sit in front of a computer screen to hammer out a post as important as this one, but thanks to modern technology, here I am and...





wait... wait for it...




*PLOP*



Ooh. Splashed my ass a little. I hate it when that happens. Now I have twice the cleanup.


Where was I?


Anyway -- since all the posters on this blog will probably be far more verbose than I, I'll cut this short by saying, niggaz wanna pop shit, I'll pop clips. Bitch, I'll put my dick on ya lips.


Over and out,

AS

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four score and seven days ago our jackals brought forth on this den, a new blog, conceived in Jackalism, and dedicated to the proposition that all jackals are created equal and the rest of us are all gay clones.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war among us, testing whether that blog, or any blog so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great 100th post of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that blog, as a final resting place for those who here gave their nuts over to the clones that that den might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this blog. The brave jackals, cradle to the grave, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the blogging, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored jackals we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these jackals shall not have blogged in vain -- that this blog, with all my jackals, shall have a new birth of jackalism -- and that blog of the jackals, by the jackals, for the jackals, shall not perish from the earth.

HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!


------------------------------------------------------------------------------








"QUACK WEAk ass shit" was the first thing clones thought this blog was going to produce ..."web trash", "non sense web noise" was expected...



Well guess what BITCHES? Jackals are busting caviar semen on your monitors! We got Flash, we got comic strips, we got movie/album reviews!



We shitting skittles, and skull fucking clones and GAF shit!


Maddox go hang yourself, we got this!


HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL

Tico (obviously)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





God, I hope you stumbled upon this page by accident. Hopefully, you're a religious freak who is convinced that every contributor is an agent of Beezilbub himself. On your way out, do me a solid and take the sandy rake out of your Virginia Baked Ham wallet. 100 mutha fuckin' jackalisms. That calls for celebration. Ol' Dirty Chinese Restaurant wouldn't believe it if you told him. A lot of things have happened in this first week. We had jackal-on-jackal fecal toss, we saw Mancation relived in comic shorts, we pointed out a couple gay clones among us, that would have otherwise gone undetected. Gay clones are like roaches in Northeast DC. The weather is nice, so you throw on some flip-flops and walk the dog. Little do you know, on a hot summer night, they're scurrying across the sidewalk and you look like Fred Astaire shuffling and dancing around them. It's like, dude, all I want to do is walk my dog(be a jackal) and I keep having to watch my step and walk around roaches(look out for gay clones). Jackals are evolving. The Jackals Den is perpetuating their influence, thanks to the internets and wide world of webs. As we commemorate this milestone, let's reflect upon the jackals that paved the way. For there will always be a yard to stomp. Skrimpture won't stop so long as the world is revolving. This aggression will not stand. This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. Happy Hunny, Jackals Den. Here's to you sproutin' a couple little black curlies.


BMR







-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone sing along with me...

GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep, GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep IF YOU'RE TIRED BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep

[scarshoulders]

Maaan, I tell the web to go to sleep (go to sleep)

jackals blog is rype and hype, gotta make 'em six feet deep'

Cause we knock 'em unconscious with that non-sense

Read in between that fine print, think about jackal con-tent

Then about where your time spent surfin other websites; a ten HUUUT!

I send babyface and voicemail sheeyit, ninja WHAAAT?

If ya tired ya tired, if ya snooze ya lose

But'chu you won't wrap up ya bandages, or heal you wound

[boogers mcrib]

Ninja I got interns and brodie - I love hydro and Henne' !

All white and skinny, but I've fucked up so many

I got h street on lock - if we beefin' I blast

You sleepin' I laugh, ask tico, I'm off the ripo

I had this anon who talked too much; I had to off the bitch

cartoons, Mr. Crayola; ninjas know what I mean'

Cause I slang brown, white, yellow, purple and green

And all you faggot-muthafuckas gotta know the routine

GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep, GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep IF YOU'RE TIRED BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep

[Ball deep]

Bitch it's me again, kickin' in your fuckin' internet

I look for videos - I ain't lookin' for you blog

You bitch can't com-prehend; let me put one in ya bro

Let me put one in ya bro, so you ninjas can go to sleep

So, lay down bitch; gimme all that you dreamed for

Gimme fancy cars, gimme bling-bling-bling, boi

It don't mean a thing, boi, for me that ain't gon' swing, boi

Them god damn toys; do you know what I mean, boi?

[tico]

Now if you warrin' and runnin' from them jackal ninjas

This loco ese gon' give a reason to sleep, ninja

Or bustin' massive nut in yo face

My last trip to dc fucked yo myspace

I'm strippin' bitches and I'm a ballin fucker with a limp

They call me infer-stripper, sexy, red web's pimp

And quick to sick her on the ninja 'cause this what it's 'bout

We rob that trick and stick his dick off in his fuckin' mouth

We costa rican

GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep, GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep IF YOU'RE TIRED BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep

[head]

North, north, south, south, chapel hill, blacksburgh

Ninja we make wizard staffs; never drinking bottled beers

manor woods in this bitch; 8 foots, ya know we ball

Hooked up with my ninja scar, then we head to college park

Playas wild, throwin' bows, tellin' bloggers, "Fuck you clone!"

Kyle blogging bout some hoe, needs to put the ice cream down

Mayne this town is like my town, so we stayed and hung around

head be smart as fuck; catch me in the mensa club

[aledente schwanz]

Better use common sense checkin' me out for a philly jackal

And up, get yaself put in shackles

Without brian dawkins, behind me gettin' handcuffed by a slut

Look, I'm from jersey what?

Southjerse ninjas throw it up when it's time to get buck

Ninjas in the back of the club postin' up

Waitin' for a ninja that's raw to jackal it up

As in, ain't no askin'; it's no tolerance as long bitch check in

She wit' me, comments will only get'chu basically eternally resting

So abide by the code of the streets

If ya got a bitch better keep her on a leash

Cuz a schwanz gonna creep in ya home while you gone

Have you comin' back findin' unf on yo' sheets

GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep, GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep IF YOU'RE TIRED BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP, web to sleep