GCOTD: Sal Alosi

Are you fucking kidding me? You fucking stick your knee out and jack up a rookie, a former Terp who missed all of his senior year with a broken leg. Fuck you very much Sal Alosi. Buy and sell steroids and HGH, spot dudes while they're lifting, massage their groins, do whatever the fuck it is you do but don't go touching real football players on the field. Know your fucking role clone.

WTF: College Coaching Hires

So Miami hires Al Golden, most recently of Temple? And Vanderbilt gets* Gus Malzahn?!

If he skips out on calling the Championship Game in favor of his newfound responsibilities with the Commodores, you have my sympathies, Mr. Shote Sleeves.

Oh, congratulations, though.

* Okay, perhaps not. But probably.

JOTD: Crazy Pat

Friday night I was out and about doing my thing... Drink a beer here, holler shorty there, say what's up to the DJ, get a bunch of random people to all come out to the same place, cut some rug with BMR, you know, the usual... And then I started to attempt to make a mistake that would drastically alter the landscape of the Universe as I know it. Details cannot be discussed on the interweb but I must publicly thank Crazy Pat for protecting me from myself EVEN THOUGH he would have had about 10,000,000 laughs at my expense if I continued down the path I was considering. Thank you sir for holding a Jackal down. Seriously.

And double seriously we WILL NOT DISCUSS DETAILS OF THIS ON THE DEN. I will go Scar Saddam on your asses. Offline we can laugh about it a ton though.

Friday Hottie: Melina Pitra

Paging Dr. Kevorkian...

Ok, that's a bit harsh, but look at that woman's leg and foot. She's about to burst 'Seven' style. Get her weight down so what? So she can fit in an MRI and find out why she has headaches(Oh, I don't know, maybe because she's 78% body fat?), so what? She can learn she popped a blood vessel and it's going to kill her if her gigantic ass doesn't beat it to the punch? Look at the freaking medicine cabinet she's accumulated! Come on out back, Yeller. JTFC.

Go To Sleep: Wal-Mart

Oh, I hope they take these fuckers down. I hope they win big and the 'Wal-Mart Collapse' signals an end to wasteful America funneling their cash into Chinese and other foreign-made goods. I know that won't happen, but a jackal can dream. It goes to show, if you make it big enough in America, someone will fucking sue your ass.

WTF?: Ravens "Statement" Games

A few weeks back, Ravens head coach and one jackal motherfucker, John Harbaugh, wondered aloud "why the Ravens don't get a non-Sunday, home game in primetime", as if he and his team were slighted in some regard to going on the road for marquee matchups. When you consistently fail to make a statement in those games, however, you can see why someone might not put you first in line. Denver(MNF 2 seasons ago), Green Bay(MNF last year), Atlanta(NFL Network), Tom Brady/Ben Roethlisberger/Payton Manning, get up for these games, yo! Next Monday, my boys get another chance, MNF, primetime, nationally-televised, but it's against Houston. That's not a statement. Well, it is if they don't win.

JOTD: Bob Menendez/Democrats w/ Balls

It kind of makes you wonder why we even fucking bother.

JOTD: K-OS

How fucking bumping is this shit?

Friday Hottie: Leah Dizon