Fee Fi Fo Fuck Yo' Shit!

Jackals Den is fixin' for a Renaissance, bitch. The Den's been sleepier than BabyFace's hippie drummer buddies after partying every night and getting awesome and some degree, it's not certain which, of wet dick getting. In more recent JackalNews, Rusty T. has been showing up some veterans around the Den. Pontius' Senior was pretty awesome on H Street last weekend. It's quite possible BMR & SS got a glimpse of the elusive non-profit vixen that's making a volunteer out of Pontius. SS scored a double introduction, which is almost unheard of. Ball Deep is gettin' Jersey Shore on a bitch. Not much from him, but I'm willing to bet Madolo and Donnie Darko are holdin' down the Windjammer. Let's turn our short attention span toward the one we call Voicemail. This past weekend saw the first chink in his armor. Dude denied awesome getters, namely one of the poorest attended housewarming parties in millenia for a Natinals game with his future mother-in-law. The following night, VM shot down a backyard BBQ, then proceeded to textvite ninjas to roll through HIS dojo and asked THEM to bring the sake. Now the BBQ was quite marriage-laden and wrapped up madd early, but still. Miller and I proceeded to Hooters(you would think this place is jackal, but it comes across as artificial jackaldom in practice) and watched the UFC. Head, The Wiz, sorry to hear about your gay genes.

What Voicemall and I Did When We Got 130 cans of Rooster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZ9wAhEuf4


Is going around the College Park campus, scouring through trash for free coupons for Rooster (snuff tobacco, for the uninitiated) , and then returning to our dorms with 4 logs (10 cans per log) each awesome, or just plain ninja ninja ninja ninja ninja wutanging joints ninja? Or is the fact that we got them in the fall, and by spring break, they were all gone the awesome part? Maybe it was making Scar Shouldaz ride the Rooster every time he got wasted, and every time that ninja ninja bo-binja fe fi foe ninja yakked!

Either way, thank you whoever the fuck that ninja ninja ninja salami ninja was that decided giving free cans of snuff to college students was a good idea, because it sure as shit was.

LIFE Gay clones: Referees

Can you imagine the ladders it is to climb to go up to refeere any sport?

The time, the shit, 20 or 30 years of refeering...for what? For some autographs and shit? NAH DUDE, motherfuckers are there to make sure you don't cover that shit.

We need to *take care* of these guys, a couple of refs go missing and they'll be scared straight.

p.s. And NO I am not fucking putting up pictures of any fat fuck refeeres...alive anyway

VoiceMails MLB Clone

The resemblance is uncanny when VM lets his Stachehower flow... I'm just saying...

Get Ready Bitches!

Can you smell it in the air? The winds of change are coming. You see the ads for Madden 10 already. You can sense the temperature about to drop. Training camps get coverage on the local news. Fantasy drafts are being planned.

Yes, football season is nigh, once again. Finally, the barren spring and summer of GAFsports.com is over. As we gear up for todays HOF game I thought 2 things. 1- I can't wait to have my Sundays back, when I can get drunk and spend my day alone, in my den, ignoring family and friends and watching this great game.

2- Bruce Smith is/was a weak ass going wide every time d-end, I can see why you thanked the Redskins last night, just like every other end of their career, used to be good, but now you just be paid, mofo we sign, we gave you a chance to grind it out purely for you own stats and personal wealth. Good team player, asshole. I hope T.O. jumps into the stands and paralyzes the both of you somehow tonite.

Also, as a side note to BMR, - ninja ninja ninja ninja ninja jackal ninja ninja ninja jackal ninja ninja ninja Steelers ninja ninja ninja clones ninja ninja ravens ninja shitsburg ninja

Questionable Lineage: Head and The Wiz

Just got back from Greece. Many posts will be made. This one could not wait however.

Head and The Wiz are the descendants of some serious O G Cs, Original Gay Clones.

This shit was all over the place in Greece. Every museum I went to had a sculpture or mosaic or painting or carving of a dude fucking a dude. Every crappy gift shop had a magnet of three dudes having a threesome (couldn't find it on the web unfortunately).

Ancient Greeks were apparently the most GAF people in the history of the world. I find it shocking they found the time to screw any women and even create Head and The Wiz with all the gay sex they were having and then the time they were spending documenting it and then preserving and archiving said documentation.

Apples normally don't fall far from trees, I'm just saying . . .

Jackal Observation: Eye Contact Fishing

Now it's not always exhibited by a crazy old guy that doesn't shave, but eye contact fishing plagues many facets of our great society. Jackal Example: Jackals, by nature, avoid eye contact. During job interviews, during intercourse, the usual, but eye contact fishing occurs when someone doesn't compute the origin of your ocular absence. They either don't realize a jackal could give two fucks about their weekend escapades or they think what ever dumb shit they have to say is worth pulling a jackal away from his UNF-ing. I believe you know the type I'm referring to; often loud-talking individuals, convinced of their own righteousness or a stranger on the street not up to speed on stranger etiquette. You may be asking, "BMR, I know the eye contact fishermen and women of which you speak, how do I avoid them?" The jury is still out on this one, my jackals, conventional wisdom suggests looking at the ground, although these social pariahs are quite often more patient than you or I. In the interest of learning them a thing or two, I say relish the eye contact. Match their contact and then triple it. With glaring wide eyes, nod as if you know precisely why they stopped you to bore the shit out of you. Move your mouth as if you were about to say the same thing. Then without any break in the conversation, tell them this, "My third grade teacher once told me the same thing before I skinned her cat and wore its flesh as a fanny pack." My guess is you will be able to break the eye contact at that point.

Pontius: Pontius's Dad sighted with hot blond country singer

I'm just sayin'... that is clearly Uncle Pontius...i'm just sayin'.

On a completely separate topic Pearl Jam is performing at the Wachovia Center in Philly on Oct 28 and 30th. I really, really want to go. If any jackals have in's on some tickets, I will sell my left nut for one. Please balleevvee me!

Jackal Lullaby: Shittsburgh, Go the Fuck Asleep

That's all there is to it. 16 games, two must-wins. The NFL loves their golden boys. I'm surprised no one has coined our quarterback Joe Fluke-o. Look at Ed Reed's eyes here. He's still thinking pick-6. Can someone track down a Mr. Fusion a.k.a. "flux capacitor" or generate me 1.21 jigawatts?

NFL Preview

We're getting there, 2 weeks until the preseason. The Redskins are in need of some major offensive fire power loyal fans such as myself are left cautiously optimistic. Certainties for the NFC East include Donovan McNabb being a fat fuck, Tony Romo blowing it, and the New York Giants in need of a serious set of balls, see definition 3. We know Boogers is psyched about this, what excites you about the upcoming season? PS, the super bowl is being played at fucking Landshark Stadium, Josh Goldsmith can eat a tank of shark dicks.