JOTD: Adrian Moten

This is the most ridiculous football play I have ever seen. Well done Mr Moten, well done indeed. (slow clap)

Friday Hottie: Emily Scott

Deja Vu: America's Crack-Style Addiction To Oil

Shoot me in the fucking face. This reminds me of Jared Leto spiking his rotting arm (1:40 if you're so inclined) in 'Requiem for a Dream.'

J(s)OTD: Josh Wilson/John Cusack

"I couldn't be happier." Neither could we, Josh.

That's what's up. Some depth at corner and from an Upper Marlboro, MD native, College Park graduate. Jealous, Shoulders? I'll bet you are. I'll bet the Ravens fan inside of you is boiling right now. Pissed at how you grew up in Howard County, deprived of hometown football. It's here, my friend. Eli Manning is a pussy. You know this to be true.

In other news, it appears John Cusack is the motherfuckin' man. What you absolutely will love is the tone of that Fox article and how seriously it weighs the threats of mentally unstable people mindlessly killing off FoxNews and GOP candidates like zombies in a trance.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Drunks

Whew, that's a relief. It's only Tuesday and I want to drink ridiculous. KFTC, Jackals! If there's any of you out there besides me and SS.

Random Acts of Awesome: Girl at Lincoln Park

BMR be on his dog walk like 60% of the time he's not working. It's cool, keeps a dude busy, keeps some exercise in a ninja's routine. Some days it's kind of tough to make the trek to the park, especially if he was up late the night before making comics or dope ass hip hop as a ninja has been known to do. However, when this jackal rolls out of bed and walks 10 blocks to the park, it's pretty refreshing to come across you, girl who runs in the morning wearing only a sports bra and pair of shorts. You take this jackal for a little stroll through your breasts that glisten in morning sunlight and a stomach fit for frying eggs like Valeria Golino in 'Hot Shots'. So keep running, girl who runs in the morning wearing only a sports bra and a pair of shorts. Here's hoping your tolerance for cold buys me a few more weeks/months of creeping you out while you run past me and my dog.

GCOTD: Troy Polamalu (again, I think)

Guess who's insuring his hair for $1 million.

And here he is visiting a Cancer patient. Who does that? Fag.

Brother Ali and DJ Snuggles

Yours truly was about ten feet from this same performance at Rock the Bells yesterday. I keep telling Jackals Rock the Bells is the fucking truth and Jackals keep acting like clones and not going. My real blood Jackals The Lynx and Babyface hold a brother down though. Awesome fucking time. Love y'all.

KFTC: Paris Hilton

Is it me, or is making a sex tape the best thing this dumb bitch ever did?

When the officer asked Hilton whose cocaine it was “she said she had not seen it but now thought it was gum.”

J(s)OTD: South African Baboons

Yeah, baboons. Freak those squares!