Stat of the Day: A New Low for the Redskins

Joe Posnanski points out that the Washington Redskins this week will be playing a winless team for the sixth consecutive week. That is utterly unbelievable. And even more unbelievable is that they have managed a losing record against those five unfeated teams. In fact, the Giants, whom Washington played in Week1, are the only one of those five opponents with a non-Washington win - the other four opponents are 2-2 agains the Redskins but a Detroit Lions-esque 0-15 against everyone else. (Last year's Lions, that is, since of course this year's version beat the 'Skins.)

I know there are a lot of Redskins fans on here who probably don't want to talk about this, but like an college athletic director who just discovered a violation in his own program, it probably would have been best for everyone if you had just brought this to our attention yourselves.

Your team is lame, amazingly, historically lame. And really crappy at football. Perhaps it's some consolation that a lot of the players on it will be retarded or insane in the not-too-distant future...

P.S. The Economist also finds your mascot offensive, but disregard that, the important thing is that they come up with a reasonably funny alternative: The Washington Real Americans. Can we just call them the 'Mericans for short?

JOTD: SS on Assignment

Some jackals are tried and true. Some jackals get awesome in the face of GAFness. From time to time, you'll encounter a jackal so jackal, your own jackaldom is called into question. What follows is an actual transcript of the events of the pre-mission dossier:

me: called and confirmed

they didn't say "She's not in today"

you should be pretty golden

she's fucked

10:51 AM SS: ok, *$%@# street is it

me: yeah dude

SS: dont worry, i'm taking backup

me: oh my god

10:52 AM SS: ?

me: is it a step troop?

SS: oh, i wish

me: like in stomp the yard?

SS: nah, just people that wanna laugh

and grab lunch after

me: you could serve her literally and figuratively

SS: i will

ok, dope, i'll let you know what happens

10:53 AM me: fuck yeah

godspeed!

SS: JACKALS 4 EVA!
Jackals 4eva, indeed, SS, jackals 4eva indeed.

Friday Hottie, 4 Days Early: January Jones / Christina Hendricks

It has been awhile since the Den has seen some "talent" so I am jumping the gun on the Friday Hottie.  

What do you get when you combine womanizing, arrogant, drunk, smoking fiended, assholes with historically accurate (if a little Hollywoodized) NYC backdrop,  good story lines, and obscenely hot women*?

*Minus Don Draper's secretary...bitch is busted as all hell.

You get an awesome TV show called Mad Men.  But more importantly...January Jones.  This is clearly the hottest woman alive* *(aside from Mrs. BD2)

What's that? Not really into the blond, girl next door look?  How about insanely hot redheads with absurdly huge boobs?  Yep, Mad Men's got you covered there too.

Your welcome.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

More Broadcaster freak outs

Being a douche on the news must be a tough gig because these fools lose their shit on the regular...

This has nothing to do with news broadcasts, but Jim Mora is one Jackal mother fucker.  I wish he would coach the Skins.  Not so they could win, but for the phenomenal after game speeches:

Oh wait, I think I know why they lose it now:

GCOTD: Jackals? Or Gay Clones

Aldente Sschawannz or whatever the fuck your name is. It has been so long I forget. I smoked your Cubans, enjoyed your ball busting, drank your keg, enjoyed your Den contributions, but now nothing. Its almost as if you were a gay clone all this time and hid your true colors. Where the hell is our kick ass banner for the Den? Where the hell is our Vegas update? Is this how you treat your fellow jackals? 

Droppa? I know you work like a African pirate and shit but damn post a comment or something.  We miss your jackalness.  You have yet to write word one in this bitch.

Big Al?  well your family...

Steven, The Wiz, Crazy Pat, Drinka, all my real live jackals.  Ya'll have been pretty decent about throwing a random comment here and there but shit...where you at??

Next Mancation roster may need to be reviewed.  I think we may have been infiltrated by gay clones last year.

Friday YouTube Post: Moron racking his nuts on a decorative pond

Me and Shoulders have been volleying NFL shit

talk like Nadal and Federer on clay(me being Nadal),

so I thought I'd lighten the mood with this douchebag

racking his nuts on a decorative pond. Can you share

with the Den what this poor bastard says after realizing

he can't jump as far as he originally thought? I can't, but

his murmured speech is so fucking hilarious.

While we're at odds with regard to who the true players are in the NFL,

be they Gmen or Dirty Birds, toe stepping sissies or unibrow-clad

harbingers of the deep ball, one thing is certain; bitch gotta go to court.

Enter Agent Double O Shoulders.

He's cunning. He craps $100 bills.

I tried to get his special lady friend in on the action, but she'll probably

go shopping or something. Anyone want to tag along? A little servage,

some NFL footy and then off to celebrate a birthday with Pontius,

because the flyer he made for himself told us to do so. I'm going to

spend the rest of the day trying to come up with a gayer band name

than Titus Andronicus, but don't count on me having success.

Let Ball Deep Eat Cake

A few weeks ago, during Obama's big speech on health care before a joint session of Congress, Ball Deep went a little nuts and started freaking out about the effect of health care reform on the deficit, at which point I had to smack him down with a little economic knowledge.

But today there's some good news for Mr. Deep, not to mention basically everyone else out there - the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office has scored the Senate Financial Services bill and found the following:

• The plan will cover 29 million people who would otherwise have been uninsured.
• Only 3 million people will be removed from private health insurance.
• 5 million fewer people will use the individual insurance market, the source of a lot of the current horror stories.
• 29 million legal residents will have have insurance who would otherwise not have.
  
• 245 million people will be basically unaffected.
  
• It will not add to the federal deficit.

In other words, Mr. Deep, you can have your cake and eat it too. This is far from the perfect bill in my mind - it doesn't include a public option, there are still a lot of fucked up incentives that will need to be corrected, and I would much rather just go to a single payer system like every other developed nation. But it's a hell of an improvement. And to everyone out there who called this pretty ideologically centrist effort socialism or a government takeover or wasteful spending, here are some words of advice: go find a new hobby. Because your attempts to fuck up the country in your spare time because of paranoid fear and ill-thought-out ideology is pretty fucking annoying to the rest of us.

In other political news, it looks like Schubert and I have the right idea. Now the rest of you, move to the dirty south - you'll be able to buy a house without bankrupting yourself AND we'll be able to live in a Democratic paradise!

Statistics Be Scar Shoulders' Lullaby

SS, you're a consummate shit talker. No one attempts to tear that from your Scottish/Chinese grip, but I like to let numbers talk. BD, I love the way we lost that game. Mark Clayton is straight, he'll get many more throws his way and you better believe he has already forgotten about the ONE drop on their two-minute drill to end the game in an extremely hostile environment. Psst, it was the first loss and it came on the road against the NFL's pride and joy.
Joe Flacco through a season and 4 games:

		G	CMP	ATT	PCT	YDS	AVG	TD	LNG	INT	RAT
2008	BAL	16	257	428	60.0	2971	6.9	14	70	12	80.3
2009	BAL	4	95	151	62.9	1103	7.3	8	72	3	94.3

Eli Manning through two seasons:

YEAR	G	ATT	COM	PCT	YARDS	YPA	TD	INT	RATE
2004	9	197	95	48.2	1043	5.3	6	9	55.4
2005	16	557	294	52.8	3762	6.8	24	17	75.9

Jackal Book Club

Any more additions? I am keeping a Jackal Reading list.

Rusty's website gave me an idea. Let me know if some Jackals want to start swapping some books via USPS. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper than Amazon route. And it would motivate peeps to get through more books if peeps were waiting to have it sent back.

(I know the first post label makes no sense, but it came up as a default and brought back memories.)