A Jackal's Perspective: Why America Sucks

So, it's been a pretty popular opinion in the past, I don't know forever, that the rest of the world hates America. As a matter of fact, if you travel to Central, South America or Canada and say your American, they will probably punch you in the face or the stomach. Or if you say that to a Canadian, they will be really offended and do fuck all about it.

This is one reason why the world hates us. We think we run everything. We are not American. We are from Europe or Africa or South America, or some other place and we came here and took everything away from the real Americans. Then we go around the world swinging our big American dicks in other people's faces trying to get all up in their business and then wonder why our others opinion globally is unfavorable.

Many Americans say it is because people from other countries they are jealous. Jealous because we have such great schools and public works and contribute so much to the world through industry and technology and we have the brightest and most dedicated people out there. If you are comparing us to Cuba or Malawi you may have a point, but if you look at the majority of other countries you realize that is complete bullshit.

It is also easy to say that certain areas of America are to blame for our suckiness, and I would argue that is just plain false. You can't blame all of our lameness on the Midwest or the Dirty south although the bar does get lowered slightly for those regions. I challenge any one of my jackals (aside from those already in the Northeast) to spend any amount of time up here in the Tri-state and not want to become a homocidal maniac. NJ just breeds some dumb mother fuckers...straight up.

The amount of stupid people in this country is staggering. People are just plain into themselves. You rarely see someone do the standard nice things like hold a door, help an old lady cross the road, tell a big breasted woman that you want to touch her, etc, etc. I challenge you, call a customer service center, drive on a road, stand in a line, order a coffee, get gas, watch TV, listen to the radio, do you see a common element to all of these things? It is nearly impossible to do any of these activities without wanting to gouge your eyes out with a salty, rusty spoon because you will without a doubt encounter a person so offensively dumb/GAF that it makes you question the purpose of it all.

Don't even get me started on the travesty that is our government, and "too big to fail" corportations and the corporate greed that has sucked the individualism that made this country so awesome dwindle to a glimmer of hope. Federal Bailouts, recessions, credit crunch, housing woes, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq War, the W years, big banks, WTO, pollution, F150s, suburban sprawl, Starbucks, Walmart, welfare, no child left behind, crime, drug war... it just goes on and on.

But all is not lost my Jackals. For we have each other to help us through the struggle. That is why we serve a purpose greater than ourselves. To get awesome at all costs. To put a muthafucka in his place when he is acting like a bitch. To make jokes, watch sports, take our shirts off and relax, and to attain wizard status whenever possible. It is time to make America great again. It is time for the Jackals to rise up and fuck shit up! HHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!