Tuesday, June 30, 2009

UNF this motherfucker!

Only this, intergalactic epicenter of douchebaggery would have the sac to shit on a franchise as glorious as the Transformers. To mar and maul it's illustrious heritage with a robot that speaks ebonics, or a main character as gay clonable as Shya Labeouf or however you spell is whack ass french name. Yes, france, I stopped capitalizing the eff in your stupid fuckin' country's name, you can go back to your shitty mustache, clone beret and 'haw haw haw's. I'm pretty fuckin' pissed this DB is making a second pass at the jackal motherfuckers known as Transformers and more pissed it's not tanking at the box office. Fuck you, Michael Bay, go read scripts about your future assignment to desecrate, of all things, board games! Although, whoever brought Megan Fox into the mix, that fuckin' jackal needs his due!


P.S. cqq99, who the fuck are you? Are you so spineless as to meander through the Jackals Den, without saying a word? Not contributing is one thing, but your name suggests nothing funny, nor anything jackal. Instead it consists of three letters and two numbers. Obviously, I have some issues with aggravation, but there are so many things about your appearance in the contributors column that incite my inner Tico. You're Steven, aren't you? SS, I thought we were going to do away with "contributors" that suck ass. From this day forward, I will refer to their kind as CTSA's. Yes, Babyface, that's another acronym, in case you're counting.

WTF?????

What the hell is wrong with this country? This is a real product. Note the different options available, happy or determined Obama. I saw this on MY9 during the Jail program. If you haven't seen it...you are really missing "OOUUTTT"

GCOTD

So I'm going to Wales for a wedding this weekend? I don't understand this place. Are they a country, are they a state. I'll tell you what their not, Jackals. Who heard about that revolution they had to become their own country? Uhhh, yeah. Scotland, yeah they got that shit down. Been fightin for a thousand years. Ireland, been there, done that. Freedom....check. Wales, what the fuck is wrong with you? You like being England's bitch or something?

I am accepting all suggestions to UNF this bitch ass country in any way possible.
No offer will be turned down!

GCOTD: Me

I realize I am placing myself in bad company here, but let's be honest for a moment. For at least the next 3 weeks going to be a Gay Clone because the Tour de France is starting which means that I will be watching Vs. (known for lame as programming such as MMA, and well that's it MMA) for a minimum of a few hours a day to watch dudes in France sweating it out in Spandex. I'm just sayin'.

America, FUCK YEAH!!




Suck on that France. Bitches. Guess our soccer team doesn't look that shitty after all compared to the rest of the worlds football teams.

America. Fuck Yeah. Baleeve it.

I'm Back

It's been 4 days. Too long. Work holding me down. Kansas hold me down. Everyone's falling off. No Gay Clones of the day. No signs of life from Voicemail. But leave it to SS to get back on his grind and fill you in on the realness bright and early on Tuesday morning, midwest recap style.

Annoyance #1. Lightning at the airport. They make an announcement that we will be delayed. We haven't boarded yet. Then they board us 2 minutes later.. Get on the plane and they make an announcement that the plane needs to be fueled up and none of our luggage is on it and there is still lightning and we'll be delayed a bit. 90 minutes later we take off. Note to all airlines. If you ever put me on a plane that has no fuel or luggage again I will kill you.

Annoyance #2. Get our rental car and go to drive out of the lot and the receipt doesn't match the car. We got it out of spot 300 like we were supposed to. Had to go back and get it squared away. Annoying as fuck.

Annoyance #3. We are now driving around fucking Kansas.

And then things took a turn for the awesome. Get to the hotel a bit after midnight Kansas time. Greeted with scotch. Drink scotch. Convince Heather it's an awesome idea for me to go to Atlantic City the night before the family trip to Greece. Kick ass in some Wii bowling. Get awesome until 4am.

Day 2. Wake up and hit the breakfast and then the pool. You can add Heathers grandmother, cousins, aunts and uncles to the list of people who respect my gangsta in the form of the ScarShoulders. Off to lunch. Jack Stack BBQ. Hot damn that shit was good. I got some sort of sampler and the beef rib was the size of my fist and unbelievably tender and delicious. The baby backs were good too as were the burnt ends to a lesser degree and the beans which has chicken AND beef in them were out of this world. Then the wedding, and getting awesome until 4am again.

This story serves as a lesson to all of you. I had a great time in Kansas, got awesome both nights, won 5 games of Wii bowling (which I had never played before, I'm a fuckin bowling natural) green lighted an AC trip, had some awesome BBQ, bonded with Heathers family, and basically Jackaled it up 24 7. When you're given Lemons (Kansas) make Lemonade (UNF everywhere).

Balee dat.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Billy Mays: RIP + Shipping and Handling

The Shamwow guy is lucky Billy Mays is dead, because these mugshots taken after getting his ass beat by a woman are child's play compared the beat down BM would have laid down. (even if though this happened months ago)

If he were still alive he would beat that ass with shoe....for only 19.95 Baallleevvvee it.




Got something that surprised you and you're not sure if you want to tell co-workers or patrons at your third choice of bars(Pontius' Gay Clone Emporium)?

Don't fret, my mellow, my jackal. You're good pal Boogers McRib is here. Big promotion, let ol' Boog take the bang out of your new buck. Propose to a special lady? Good thing he has your parents' number. It's all good. It's kind of a socially awkward gag reflex, instead of ignore the homeless guy that approached the table, why not invite him to hear the news? My bad, homey. If you don't feel better after this jackapology, the only thing that will save you would be Baltimora

Friday, June 26, 2009

It's Fuckin Friday!

its fucking friday!! i hope every jackal has a good time getting awesome, freakin out the squares, and UNF'n the GCs this weekend. pour one out for those we've lost and live it up.

Serious Post

Sorry to post something serious here, but this has really been bothering me. Why do I have a horrible feeling that we could go to war over this issue?

If you have not seen the video of the Iranian woman shot in the streets by police for protesting the bullshit election they had over there, consider yourself lucky. I am not posting it because I am not sure if I should have watched it. (Am I being voyeuristic or gathering news?) Thinking about it has really been messing with me. The image is the most gut-wrenching thing I have seen in a long time. I don't think I have ever seen something more upsetting as a matter of fact. I am not sure if it is because she is a young woman, because she is innocent, or because there is such chaos around her, but it really is one of the most terrible things I have ever seen.

While we are busy worrying about the "King of Pop", mundane day-to-day shit and a housing market in turmoil (big issue but not in comparison), these people are living in hell. No joke...hell.
Then we have North Korea acting the fool over there and a bunch of crazies in South America too. This could very well be a recipe for WWIII, or at the very least Obama's Iraq, in my humble opinion.

I am not going to go on a whole rant here, but just to say take care of you and families because the next few years could be really rough.

WTF?????


Who the fuck are these guys?

This is who they gave up their 1st round for? I am not going to pretend I understand or care about the NBA Draft, but if you were one of the worst teams in the league, wouldn' t you want to get some players that, I don't know, didn't get traded around the league for the past 9 years averaging 9 pts a game??

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Fuck you, Head. Titles are dumb.

Just wanted to shout out to my main man, Scar Shizzy. He's gonna be reppin' jackalism all up in the state where the actual motto is "To the Stars, Through Difficulties". Google that shit, I'm not funny enough to make it up. I just wanted to give a jackal update on two fronts. Kyle's intern is still fuckin' hot. And I'm ramping up efforts to reclaim the security I gave that filthy, lying El Salvadoran or some-kind of Spanish. I went and got a six pack and I've been calling her cell phone since I got on the Metro to come home from work and hopefully not die too. I've gotten to a point where I can dial and switch on speaker phone each time without looking. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any more storage for voice mails. I'm just feeling a bit jackal about the whole thing and wanted to share. Yo, Shoulders, I hope you have a good time at the wedding... through difficulties!

More Facts about Kansas:

Capital City: Topeka
State Nickname: The Sunflower State
State Song: Home on the Range
State Motto: Ad Astra per Aspera (To the stars through difficulties)
Statehood Date: January 29, 1861
State Order: 34th





Baleebeit

On cro-magnon's shortcomings: The Evolutionary Dissection of Means to Get A Title To Appease Head's Gargantuine Grey Matter

I gotta throw some sorrys in Agent Head's sack. I got a little trigger happy and threw a subpar Jackalism up on the board. Just makes you wonder why Tico was so enraged. Did he get violated by a MJ impersonator as a lad? Or, damn, Tico sure resembles that whistle blower from the first MJ accusation. What I was trying to say was, I felt pretty bad when I found out we lost Crazy Mike. I'm not sure what his childhood was like, but damn, that dude was dead long before today. Beat It was stuck in my head for an hour and a half after I found out. Why couldn't he have died like Kurt Cobain or Marvin Gaye, wouldn't that have been sweet? If he never made those terrible 10 minute long music videos with Macauley Caulkin and shit? Do you think he'll have an open casket? How much would it suck to have to walk by his face all dead and shit? Dude was weird, but I didn't want him dead. Just in jail for messin' with little boys' booty holes. Head, I'm still waiting for a legitimate criticism/support of my carbon theories. Totally rediculous? Serious question. Can the carbon be collected from the atmosphere? I'm thinking something like the way a cigarette filter collects tar. Completely impossible?


Oh, I don't know, somthing like this?

G-DEAD-COD


About time you did it fucker


Leave me the fuck alone

You know what I fuckin hate. Retarded small talk. I go into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee so I don't fall asleep doing my boring ass job and guess what? There is a boring ass mother fucker in the kitchen who insisted on having this conversation:
Holly: How are you KOTJ?
KOTJ: Fine, how are you Holly?
Holly: Ohhh...I could be worse, could be better.

What??? Really??? Well your not on fire so I guess your right, you could be worse. And clearly if your here right now, you didn't win the fuckin lottery in the last 5 minutes, so I guess you could be better. I am so glad that we had this extremely enlightening fucking conversation! I really don't know what I would have done without that totally useless interaction. Well actually, I think I would have stood here in peace without having you fucking pestering me and then having to pretend laugh at your decidely unwitty observation. So please, leave me the fuck alone.

Remember the Good Old Days?

Yeah? Me neither. That is because we haven't seen a local championship in our adult lives. The Caps came close in 1998 and this year, but hockey is Canadian, GAF, and a lame consolation prize.
What the hell, man? Local sports are so bad that the local media is now resorting to rooting for Nationals to lose more games (120 losses) than the '62 Mets so that we can suck LESS. I mean talk about accepting your mediocrity.

Let's take a look back to when the good old days were for our region.

1978 Bullets (I was in utero.)

1992 Redskins (I was 13 and didn't know shit about sports, but at least I sort of remember it.)
1983 Orioles (I was 4 years old.)

Seems to me like Skins are ripe for a turnaround since none of these other scrimps are ready to man the fuck up. (Boog this is why I can make playoff claims in June...Blind faith.)

For Jackals Only

Jackal line of the Day:

"General surgeons are not intimidated by professional athletes. Like I told him, if I can cut somebody from the neck all the way down to the pubis with a scalpel, then I cannot be intimidated."

FUCKIN EH. I used to not like doctors. This guy I like.

Female Jackal


From VoiceMail's #1 Lady:

On Jun 25, 2009 11:09am, xxxxx@gmail.com> wrote:


Hello,

You may or may not consider this awesome image as a post, or part of a
post, on your Jackals "blog." I put blog in quotes b/c thus far the content
pertains to nobody but yourselves. Not that i'm criticizing ...

Color me Disappointed...

WTF Jackals. I thought we were Jackals. Is the Honeymoon over? I know we are busy getting awesome in our respective lives and states and jobs and mortgages and what not, but Fuckin-A can a Jackal post a comment or two? Not that I am not enjoying what we got going already. SS, Head, and Boog are definitely carrying their weight, but there is so much more hilarity to be had. I mean, this is an amazing thing we have here. The Den is a place where you can say whatever you want, keep in touch with your boys regardless of geography and plan.....next year's Mancation. Baleeve it!


Shaq and Lebron

So the Cavaliers have apparently acquired Shaq. Normally I don't care at all about the NBA, but I can't help but hope that this works out, mostly out of spite for Kobe. I suspect that Kobe is really pretty smug right now knowing that he's now won a title without Shaq and has the same number of rings as his former running mate, and it would make me pretty giddy if last month's title was basically wiped off the map from his perspective and he felt pressure anew to win another one. And also, I think it's kind of cool that Cleveland has gotten to have their hometown star playing for them, and it would be lame if he left for New York. Fuck New York - who needs to be in a big city to get exposure in this day and age?

On the other hand, I'm fairly skeptical that this is actually going to improve the team - it seems more like a fantasy basketball acquisition than a real one - and if it doesn't, another postseason failure could provide all the more incentive for Lebron to move on. (Though Shaq's deal does expire after this coming season, which could allow the Cavs to sign another player - Chris Bosh? - to keep Lebron around.) But seriously, fuck Kobe.

This should satisfy my quota of ESPN-style player personality! conflict! drama! sports commentary for the next year or two.

GCOTD: Michael Bay

What?!? The new Transformers movie licks Dirty Man Banus? You have to be kidding me? I can't imagine someone as talented as Michael Bay with such an amazing resume of great movies from Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II (Bad Boys I was awesome actually) to Transformers could produce a giant over produced piece of shit that the retarded masses would flock to see. 90% of these morons are going to see Megan Fox in various stages of undress, good luck with that the movie is PG-13. The rest like CGI and big explosions...think people who watch Spike TV and believe that the War in Iraq is 'Merica's justified response to 9/11. "Fuckin-A Shock 'n' Awe take dat Sadaam Hooosane! WMDs, not on our watch, maulfockers! U.S. Maulfockin Navy, damnit! BALLEEVVEE IT"
Congrats Michael you are today's Gay Clone.
Bitch.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

RIP Sean





Today woulda been my boy Sean's 24th (or 23rd, fuck I'm old and dumb)birthday. Dude was dealt a really fuckin tough draw in life and turned to drugs to deal with it. That Heroin is a real mother fucker and he ODed while we were all Jackalin it up in the Broconos.



Not many of you really knew of him or knew him at all but his dad (RIP Pops) and my dad were really good friends while I was growing up. Kid was always fun to be around and had a big old heart which probably led to him having such a tough time dealing with shit later on in life. There isn't much to say except for the fact that our society is fucked, our penal system is fucked, and sometimes life just plain isn't fair. Shit you know how Jackals take to the bottle so who knows what would happen to any of us if we ever stuck that needle in our arm or put that yayo up our nose. Bad shit happens to good people. Wish I would've done more to help you out bro. I'm really sorry I couldn't get you outta that shit.



So all of you that own a copy of the original Jackals LP Go To Sleep throw on the last track, listen to my boy Supreme spit the first verse(dude is pretty sick on the mic), and pour one out.



Much love brother,


SS


ps let me quote one of his lyrics to segue from kind words into angry as fuck which were extremely well played "familiar with the flavor of tears, now come see a gangsta I spit inside the face of my fears" Any mother fucker that doesn't think some form of universal health care is a good idea is basically saying fuck you SS, your boy deserved to die. He had zero options after 45 days in lock up for drug treatment. A treatment facility wouldn't take him for free because he had already detoxed in jail. A halfway house wouldn't take him because he hadn't been through a formal treatment program. There was no treatment program in the facility he was in because it didn't house people for more than a few months. The health insurance industry basically has drug treatment on lock which means only people with insurance or money can get help. That's great for a dumb bitch like Lindsey Lohan or a rich gay clone like DI or even someone who is able to hold down a job while being some sort of drug addict. But for real fucking people that just doesn't work. So if that's your retarded fucking position, that people with an addiction or a disease that are below a certain income threshold deserve to die, come talk to me and I will gut you like a fucking fish and feed your entrails to my dog. Baleeve that.

Fuck the rain

It has been raining in the Armpit for literally an entire month. I think we have had possibly one 1/2 day of no rain since April. What the fuck is going on?

Have we finally polluted enough that the world is finally saying fuck you pricks, you have puffed your final CO2 emission; now, enjoy the next 300 days of straight rain followed by an absurdly long winter and then a draught?

I thought the only places that were supposed to get rain like this were in Asia. What the fuck? Really this shit is fucking my head up.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I have done my penance and I can leave this God forsaken place.

Fuck New Jersey.

Roast a Jackal: KOTJ




Ok... first off I'm not even sure who KOTJ is but I'll take a wild guess. It'll be good either way. I'll word it in the form of a roast, and I'll be sure to use actual facts unlike KOTJ, who has to make shit up in order to get his digs in. So... everybody please raise your glasses for the worst Jackal of them all.

Here's to King of the Jungle, the only vegetarian "Jackal" lucky enough to frequently call out members of the most carnivorous group of maniacs I know and never get any kickback for it (at least as far as I've seen). Vegetarianism has got to be on the top of the charts for gay clone lifestyle choices, barely edging out tattoos of electrical tape around the arm.

"Hey guys, look at all this bacon and sausage and barbeque sauce. Let's put that shit a roll!"

"No thanks, I've got a tofu and lettuce sandwich on pita bread, with what looks like tzatziki sauce, but it could be mistaken for a present that my gay clone left me in my duffel bag. It was in a balloon and knotted off. Isn't he so thoughtful?"

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going home and opening a bottle of scotch and cook a steak on the grill so I can live the awesome lifestyle that I'M accustomed to. Being a fucking Jackal.

Cheers!

AS

Washington Post? Not you too!


I know I'm a fuckin' beast with Microsoft Paint, but I'm not this good. Notice 'relaxes' also makes a showing at 40-Across. I'm a novice crossword solver, so we'll have to wait for the official solution in tomorrow's paper to confirm. The fact that I do crossword puzzles for fun might make me a gay clone to begin with. Jackals! You decide...

Jackal to Jackal Callout: AS(S)

Hey Aldente, where the hell is this amazing banner you were talking about?

I am getting so sick of looking at that shitty one we have now even though everything excluding its quality is perfect.

NFC BEast: Portis Beef Bullshit

This whole Portis beef with Zorn news is getting old, not to mention total bullshit.

This is the Media's lame attempt to get some news going with nothing going on in the off season. Isn't there some Eagles player somewhere drunk driving or Falcons player dog fighting or Giants player shooting himself somewhere to provide news so they can leave my man alone? I mean damn Riggo wouldn't have to deal with this shit.
Phillies ex-ball player bankrupt.

Former Phillies great Lenny Dykstra, and Jim Kramer touted financial prodigy, Lenny Dykstra's rise to the top comes crashing down in a blaze of un-glory. I recommend tracking down this video...pretty fucking hilarious
Goldberg found a defiant Dykstra at his unfurnished mansion, where the door
had been left unlocked. When no one answered, Goldberg walked inside and began
calling out for Dykstra: "Lenny? Anybody home? Hello? Mr.
Dykstra?"

Close to a half-hour later, Dykstra came downstairs for
their scheduled appointment, which resulted in what Goldberg called "something
vaguely resembling a conversation." Dykstra denied owing anyone money, including
the $280,000 allegedly owed to the printer of The Players Club, the glossy
lifestyle magazine for pro athletes that Dykstra launched last
spring.

DYKSTRA: Who? Tell me who I owe?
GOLDBERG: Let's go
through a few people. The printers . . .
DYKSTRA: Fuck the printers. The
printers are criminals.
GOLDBERG: The flight attendant?
DYKSTRA: Fuck the
flight attendant . . . They all think they can come here and steal my
money.

Dykstra says the legal cases against him are "all
bullshit."

Goldberg asked Dykstra what he would say to people "who
think once upon a time you were flying high and now you're
broke?"
Dykstra laughed and withdrew a wad of bills, which he began
counting. Goldberg said, "OK, so you've got $75 in your pocket, that doesn't
make you rich." To which Dykstra replied, "I never carry less than $1,000. But
flying high? Looks like I'm still flying pretty fuckin’ high. And by the way,
I'm flying higher."

Aldente Schwanz, Where You At?!?!?



Dude is clearly alive but has not yet told a single Vegas story.

Dude even sent out a mass email from Vegas at 3am spelling his own name wrong at the beginning of the email and then lamenting that if anything was spelled wrong it was because iPhones have a crappy spell checker. This set the stage for a recap of epic proportions....

and then....

Nothing.

Bitch juice by the gallon my friend, you must be drinking it.

WTF?????

(I'm sure Jesus really appreciated the Bush poster with guns and bombs on it.)






Religious Fanatics Suck Balls...i'm just sayin'

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

GCOTD: Tom Cruise

Seriously, what the fuck is this guy talking about?  Do yourself a favor and force yourself to watch each of these if you haven't already.  Dude has completely lost it.

minute 4:22 is gold.  delusions of grandeur much?
Criminon?  He's the only one that can really help at an accident?  What the hell?

Looks like he could use some of the drugs he is dissing to Matt Lauer.  Relax Tom.  What would Steven do??

He definitely had the Dawson's Creek chick locked in a closet.  "I told her...you never know what I am going to do Katie.

Logic on the Public Option!

Leave it to the President to perfectly articulate the lunacy that has been the debate over the public option on health care reform:

QUESTION: Wouldn’t [the public option] drive private insurance out of business?

OBAMA: Why would it drive private insurance out of business? If private insurers say that the marketplace provides the best quality health care; if they tell us that they’re offering a good deal, then why is it that the government, which they say can’t run anything, suddenly is going to drive them out of business? That’s not logical.
This has been puzzling me for a while - there are only two possibilities here:
  1. Government is worse at running health care than the private sector. In this case, even if there is a public option, no one will choose it (certainly not in substantial numbers) because it will offer worse care for the money than the private options. Of course, conservatives have been arguing for decades now that government would be terrible at running health care. If they really believe that, though, why are so many Republican members of Congress so worked up about the public option? It's not like vast numbers of people are going to leave their private insurance for lesser, more expensive coverage.
  2. Government is better at running health care than the private sector. In this case, people are going to want the best care they can afford and sure, it's possible they flock to the public option and the government drives some or all private insurance providers out of business. But if the private insurers are providing crappier care for the money, isn't eliminating them, as a matter of public policy, the outcome we're looking for? It's the free market at work!
I'll leave it to Paul Krugman to explain why these supposed free marketers are really opposed to the public option, and to Nate Silver to show why the debate in Congress has gotten so muddled despite strong public support for the public option.

But I would encourage all of you that if you have a senator or representative who does not support the public option or hasn't decided yet, please contact them and let them know that you want them to support it.*

* Unless you don't support the public option yourself, in which case fuck you.

Five Reasons why Hybrids Suck


Courtesy of Spike.com. There is some incorrect information in here, but since when does being funny = being accurate.

Head Sucks.

Five Reasons Why Hybrids Suck

It’s no secret that ever since we Americans found ourselves at the business end of a mounting energy crisis and a rapidly deteriorating environment, hybrid-drive vehicles have become quite en vogue. It can be argued that the real push came when manufacturers started putting celebrities like Brad Pitt in Priuses a few years back in an attempt to make them appear fashionable and garner some sex appeal (and no, a Prius does not give you million dollar cheekbones).And like many things in modern society, once something gains a certain level of traction in the public eye, its popularity often snowballs into something resembling a controlled hysteria, and people tend to ignore the fine print and focus on the money shot (see current mortgage loan debacle). Of course, the final act is typically an implosion of said trend, and a subsequent trail of dead left in its wake. So I feel it is my duty to bring some ludicity to the situation by sharing with the world a little sage wisdom with Five Reasons Why Hybrids Suck.

5. The Silent Killer
Everyone who owns a hybrid talks about how eerily quiet they are around town, due to the fact that the hybrid motor takes care of most around-the-town hauling, while the gas motor is called upon for more grunt on the freeway and the like.
This is great when you’re listening for autotune studio tricks on the new Ben Harper single, but what about pedestrians? Your Prius is a rolling Grim Repear for groups like the blind and the stupid - so much so that students at Standford university designed a speaker system to simulate combustion engine noise for use on these savage beasts.
So the next time you’re about to hit that Start button, think to yourself, “is this the day I become a murderer?”

4. Abysmal Performance
The first step in improving fuel economy is to use a smaller engine. The problem with hybrids, however, is they’re fairly heavy, due in part to the huge batteries they have to lug around. So to start out with, don’t expect a hybrid to “perform” in any traditional sense of the word. Take, for instance, the Ford Escape hybrid. While it weights nearly 2 tons, and it’s combined engine output is 155 horsepower. Let that sink in for a minute - a vehicle that weights about the same as a Cadillac, powered by an engine that would feel underpowered in a Honda Accord. Don’t forget about the fact that, since it is technically an SUV, it’s supposed to be designed to haul things other than itself. But, with that level of power, you’ll be lucky to haul your ass up the hill to your hippy commune.As it turns out, with a laughable power to weight ratio like that, hybrids are incredibly inefficient vehicles. This point is again illustrated by video above - Top Gear’s fuel consumption comparision test between a Prius and a new BMW M3.So, as a manufacture, how do you get your consumers to think they’re saving gas? You guilt them into it by using a huge readout on the dashboard that indicates when the car is using the electric motor and when it’s relying on the gasoline engine, thereby conditioning drivers to drive as sedately as possible. If you were ever wondering why hybrid drivers are the slowest people on the road - this is why.

3. Say Goodbye to Your Sex Life
Contrary to what the sexoholics at EcoGeek proclaim, hybrid cars will not get you laid. Driving something that has a closer resemblance to a giant baby shoe than a car can have that effect.Let me lay out a little scenario for you. You’ve had a thing for this fox at your school/work/probation office for weeks now. One day, you’re driving around and you notice she’s walking by herself, and you pull up to offer her a ride. Which sentence has more sex appeal:
“You wanna go for a ride in my ‘Vette?”

or

“You wanna go for a ride in my Honda Civic Hybrid?”At least when you’re driving away with your tail between your legs, you’ll be able to do so very quietly.

2. Adverse Environmental Impact
Whaaa?! Hybrids aren’t made by unicorns in a magic factory in NeverNever Land? And they don’t transform into pixie dust when they’re ready for the junkyard?!‘Fraid not.While hybrids are associated with environmental crusading in pop culture, they actually leave a larger carbon footprint than many conventional vehicles like, for instance, a HUMMER.To start off, anything that utilizes an internal combustion engine will still produce pollutants. That includes hybrids. Catalytic converters are designed to handle most of the pollutants, but like any car, hybrids do in fact release greenhouse gas into the atmosphere. The reduction of these gases is mainly because most hybrids have gas engines that turn off when the vehicle comes to a halt (hence the silent killer aspect).Another major factor in hybrids’ environmental impact are the batteries that store the electricity to power the hybrid drive system. Most hybrids use a nickel metal hydride system, which requires nickel mining, which is often done in open cast mines with all the pollution that goes along with excavating large holes in the ground. Sorry, no unicorns. Oh yea, and what of those batteries when they no longer hold a charge? They don’t turn into pixie dust, either. Recycling them costs a chunk of change, so expect to see lovely piles of depleted hybrid batteries oozing battery acid in a landfill near you in the not-too-distant future.

1. Cost of Ownership
Simply put - in many situations, owning a hybrid isn’t saving you a dime. Since the average hybrid costs around 5 grand more than a conventional version of the same vehicle, it often takes longer than the expected lifespan of the car just to break even with the bloated sticker price. In fact, as this article reluctantly indicates, with many hybrids you’ll actually be thousands of dollars in the red throughout the typical duration of ownership. The government has attempted to sweeten the deal with tax incentives, which help ease the burden, but just like income tax, that money is sitting in someone else’s back account right up until the moment you can cash the check. And you're still in the red.And what’re you paying for, really? There are plenty of cars like the Mini Cooper D, the VW Golf TDI – hell, even a mid 90s Geo Metro gets mileage comparable to a Prius. So what’re you getting for your money? You’re getting the shaft, that’s what.Ultimately, the biggest issue I have with hybrid technology is that it is a stop-gap, intermediary technology that allows oil companies and auto manufacturers to continue innovating at a snail’s pace and avoid the necessary transition into real alternative fuel technology. Did you know a stock 1979 Ford Mustang got 34 miles to the gallon? That was 30 years ago. Think about that.

Reopening the car debate

from dontevenreply.com
Hybrids Suck
Original ad: if anyone wants a ride from baltimore to nyc tomorow let me know! i am driving up there sometime tomorow afternoon and would be glad to help someone out if they want to throw up some money for gas. i drive a hybrid, so i wont need much!


From Mike Partlow to *************@*********.org
Hello,I do need a ride to New York tomorrow. That would be great. My only concern is the fact that you drive a hybrid car. I don't want to give people the idea that I care about the environment. Do you have another, more manly car that we could ride up in? I really don't want to be seen in a hybrid. I'll gladly compensate you for gas.Mike


From christine ********* to Meno
all i have is my hybrid. what is the big deal, who cares what people think? u should be glad to help the enviroment!


From Mike Partlow to christine **********
I'm sorry Christine but it isn't the 60's anymore. People aren't a bunch of earth-saving hippies that run around and hug trees anymore. Does your car have tinted windows? I really don't want to be seen riding in that bitch-mobile. My only request is that you stop by a lake somewhere so I can dump a can of motor oil in it, to make up for all of the earth that your car will be saving. Don't worry, I'll pay for the motor oil.Mike


From christine ********* to Me
wtf is wrong with u! im not giving u a ride ur a jerk!!!


From Mike Partlow to christine **********
Well I am sorry you won't have the privilege of riding with me. Fortunately for me, I found a better, more badass ride to NYC. I'll be sure to wave at your crappy little hybrid as we pass you in our F-350, spraying cans of aerosol out the window and throwing empty six-pack holders into the sea. Mike

Pour one out



Jesus titty fucking Christ man.

Here in DC we joke about how inept Metro and the operators of Metro are but we never thought the system was this fucked up...

When I used to ride the train to work every day I was shocked at how easy it would be for a terrorist, and it wouldn't need to be a suicide bomber, to just bring on a bomb in a backpack and detonate it when the train is up in the air headed into DC derailing it and killing a shit ton of people... I never really expected two trains to just slam into each other because some dumbass was asleep at the wheel and the computer system doesn't work. It's always the working class that gets fucked in an epic fail like this. It's senseless and retarded. Thank God this wasn't at NewYork Ave or another elevated station where this could've been really bad.

I hope everyone is alright and everyones friends and family are alright. Pour one out for the victims of this epic fail and their families.

Much love,

SS

Somedays I take the L to gel with the real world - Common

Monday, June 22, 2009



If you're a dude, and your name is a reference to one of the dumbest slits, yes slits, ever to smear popular culture, you're a fuckin' douche. If blogging is your profession, correction, if blogging about TMZish content is your profession, you're essentially the T1000 of gay clones. You morph and shiftshape into gay clone status, just in case you've been gay too long to have had a fair chance to see Terminator 2: Judgment Day, an extremely jackal film, in which the lone setback, is the fact that the douchebag director cast his hermaphrodite lesser half in the supporting role.
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D98VS5RG1&show_article=1

Don't be misguided, I hate the Black Eyed Peas as much as this pile driver did at 4am the other night, but you're a Bloggarazzi. On OUR blog, we'll pretend you weren't crying and sweating your fat gay ass off, but you're sporting the latest urine and feces from your pals at the Jackals Den.

Feeling like a total Fag after that last post.

Here is something to bring you back from the gayness, I just unleashed on the den from that last post.  My bad Jackals, there is nothing jackal in the prior post aside from the guy saying baleeve it.  Feel free to make fun of me and call me a gay clone, etc. etc.  Oh yeah and the dude from Live is the gay clone of the day.  Man do they eat a whole bag of dicks.

Finding Jackals in a Unjackal Place...Or maybe I'm an Iampieri

(deleted)

Here is a excerpt from the article I posted. It was about the Bachelorette. (I know not jackal in the least.) My wife was watching it, I was in the room on the computer and I overheard that there was a dude on there that was faking being in love with the chick so that he could promote his musical career. It was wrong and I am sorry for thinking it was Jackal. But hearing him saying he had this chick wrapped around his finger, pausing and then saying Balleeeve it in a southern accent got me all fired up.

"I'm gettin' excited. This is fun. I've got records to sell...I'll always have
Jillian wrapped around my little finger, y'all....Believe it.""

Sensi Ball Deep vs Anti-Sensi Ball Deep

"Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If Reggae is allowed to infiltrate this world, then Anti-Sensi Ball Deep as you know him, Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Anti-Sensi Ball Deep, but there is also Sensi Ball Deep. That's the Ball Deep you know, the Ball Deep you grew up with -- Movie Ball Deep , Coffee shop Ball Deep , Manor Woods Ball Deep , Mancation Ball Deep."
"I love that Ball Deep."
"Me Too! And he's Dying! If Sensi Ball Deep, walks through this door, he will Kill Anti-Sensi Ball Deep! A Ball Deep, divided against itself, Cannot Stand!"
I currently listen to Reggae more than any other kind of music. I freaking love it. I am not Rastafarian and I don't like to smoke weed. As a matter of fact, I believe ganja is just as bad as booze as far as destroying motivation maybe worse because at least with booze you realize you are being a dumbass. When your stoned you think you make MORE sense, which in most cases couldn't be farther from the truth. So the point of this am I a poser? Or is good music, good music regardless of the message?

Freak out the squares music

I was washing my car a few weeks ago and uncovered a CD that I hadn't heard in some time. I preceded to play this track as loud as my stereo would go with all the windows open, as it is required to do because it is amazing and that's how Jackals roll. My neighbor didn't seem to pleased and has avoided me since this incident, which means he respects thy gangsta.

"It's all about the game see...wine, dine, the whole nine...champagne, cocaine, earrangs...the whole shabang..."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

U.S. Open fans heckle Tiger Woods


John O'Shea, John McQue and Cronan Ryan sat on a hillside overlooking Hole 17, leaning back on their elbows and taking slow sips of Budweiser.

"We just had to rest a while to get some beer in us," said O'Shea, 22, of Manhattan.

"We just needed to relax," added McQue, 28, of Sunnyside.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Jackal Query: WTF?

For lack of a better option(disregard the author's speculation about inventions to come between now and 2050) this timeline documents human innovation over the past century. While there are many jackal motherfuckin' innovations, I'm wondering why we as a race are so troubled by one, staring us in the face. One with an apparent, to me, solution.
This is not an environmental thing, so if you're tired of environmental arguments, try to keep reading. If you're a seal-hugging hippie who wants fuel for your GlacierAid, keep googling, this ain't your blog, son, but I got love for stinky hippies. Given what we know about the process of photosynthesis, and our advances in technology, it's difficult to see how nothing has been presented.

Capture the CO2, I don't fucking know how, it's a suggestion. MIT, Harvard, fucking get on the shit. Extract the oxygen from the CO2, shit fucking tons of carbon will be left over. Oh fuck, what the fuck will you do with all that carbon?

Carbon nanotubes (CNTs) are allotropes of carbon with a cylindrical nanostructure. Nanotubes have been constructed with length-to-diameter ratio of up to 28,000,000:1,[1] which is significantly larger than any other material. These cylindrical carbon molecules have novel properties that make them potentially useful in many applications in nanotechnology, electronics, optics and other fields of materials science, as well as potential uses in architectural fields. They exhibit extraordinary strength and unique electrical properties, and are efficient conductors of heat. Their final usage, however, may be limited by their potential toxicity.
Nanotubes are members of the fullerene structural family, which also includes the spherical buckyballs. The ends of a nanotube might be capped with a hemisphere of the buckyball structure. Their name is derived from their size, since the diameter of a nanotube is on the order of a few nanometers (approximately 1/50,000th of the width of a human hair), while they can be up to several millimeters in length (as of 2008). Nanotubes are categorized as single-walled nanotubes (SWNTs) and multi-walled nanotubes (MWNTs).
The nature of the bonding of a nanotube is described by applied quantum chemistry, specifically, orbital hybridization. The chemical bonding of nanotubes is composed entirely of sp2 bonds, similar to those of graphite. This bonding structure, which is stronger than the sp3 bonds found in diamonds, provides the molecules with their unique strength. Nanotubes naturally align themselves into "ropes" held together by Van der Waals forces. Under high pressure, nanotubes can merge together, trading some sp² bonds for sp³ bonds, giving the possibility of producing strong, unlimited-length wires through high-pressure nanotube linking.
Jackal ass query, jackal motherfuckin' solution. Baleeve it!

Carbon Nanotubes are jackal:

Background

The special nature of carbon combines with the molecular perfection of buckytubes (single-wall carbon nanotubes) to endow them with exceptionally high material properties such as electrical and thermal conductivity, strength, stiffness, and toughness. No other element in the periodic table bonds to itself in an extended network with the strength of the carbon-carbon bond. The delocalised pi-electron donated by each atom is free to move about the entire structure, rather than stay home with its donor atom, giving rise to the first molecule with metallic-type electrical conductivity. The high-frequency carbon-carbon bond vibrations provide an intrinsic thermal conductivity higher than even diamond.
In most materials, however, the actual observed material properties - strength, electrical conductivity, etc. - are degraded very substantially by the occurrence of defects in their structure. For example, high strength steel typically fails at about 1% of its theoretical breaking strength. Buckytubes, however, achieve values very close to their theoretical limits because of their perfection of structure - their molecular perfection. This aspect is part of the unique story of buckytubes.
Buckytubes are an example of true nanotechnology: only a nanometer in diameter, but molecules that can be manipulated chemically and physically. They open incredible applications in materials, electronics, chemical processing and energy management.

Applications

Buckytubes have extraordinary electrical conductivity, heat conductivity and mechanical properties. They are probably the best electron field-emitter possible. They are polymers of pure carbon and can be reacted and manipulated using the tremendously rich chemistry of carbon. This provides opportunity to modify the structure and to optimise solubility and dispersion.
Very significantly, buckytubes are molecularly perfect, which means that they are free of property-degrading flaws in the nanotube structure. Their material properties can therefore approach closely the very high levels intrinsic to them.
These extraordinary characteristics give buckytubes potential in numerous applications.

Field Emission

Buckytubes are the best known field emitters of any material. This is understandable, given their high electrical conductivity, and the unbeatable sharpness of their tip (the sharper the tip, the more concentrated will be an electric field, leading to field emission; this is the same reason lightening rods are sharp). The sharpness of the tip also means that they emit at especially low voltage, an important fact for building electrical devices that utilize this feature. Buckytubes can carry an astonishingly high current density, possibly as high as 1013 A/cm2. Furthermore, the current is extremely stable [B.Q. Wei, et al. Appl. Phys. Lett. 79 1172 (2001)].
An immediate application of this behaviour receiving considerable interest is in field-emission flat-panel displays. Instead of a single electron gun, as in a traditional cathode ray tube display, here there is a separate electron gun (or many) for each pixel in the display. The high current density, low turn-on and operating voltage, and steady, long-lived behaviour make buckytubes attract field emitters to enable this application.
Other applications utilising the field-emission characteristics of buckytubes include: general cold-cathode lighting sources, lightning arrestors, and electron microscope sources.

Conductive Plastics

Much of the history of plastics over the last half century has been as a replacement for metal. For structural applications, plastics have made tremendous headway, but not where electrical conductivity is required, plastics being famously good electrical insulators.
This deficiency is overcome by loading plastics up with conductive fillers, such as carbon black and graphite fibres (the larger ones used to make golf clubs and tennis racquets). The loading required to provide the necessary conductivity is typically high, however, resulting in heavy parts, and more importantly, plastic parts whose structural properties are highly degraded.
It is well established that the higher aspect ratio of filler, the lower loading required to achieve a given level of conductivity. Buckytubes are ideal in this sense, since they have the highest aspect ratio of any carbon fibre. In addition, their natural tendency to form ropes provides inherently very long conductive pathways even at ultra-low loadings.
Applications that exploit this behaviour of buckytubes include EMI/RFI shielding composites and coatings for enclosures, gaskets, and other uses; electrostatic dissipation (ESD), and antistatic materials and (even transparent!) coatings; and radar-absorbing materials.

Energy Storage

Buckytubes have the intrinsic characteristics desired in material used as electrodes in batteries and capacitors, two technologies of rapidly increasing importance. Buckytubes have a tremendously high surface area (~1000 m2/g), good electrical conductivity, and very importantly, their linear geometry makes their surface highly accessible to the electrolyte.
Research has shown that buckytubes have the highest reversible capacity of any carbon material for use in lithium-ion batteries [B. Gao, Chem. Phys. Lett. 327, 69 (2000)]. In addition, buckytubes are outstanding materials for supercapacitor electrodes [R.Z. Ma, et al., Science in China Series E-Technological Sciences 43 178 (2000)] and are now being marketed.
Buckytubes also have applications in a variety of fuel cell components. They have a number of properties including high surface area and thermal conductivity that make them useful as electrode catalyst supports in PEM fuel cells. They may also be used in gas diffusion layers as well as current collectors because of their high electrical conductivity. Buckytubes' high strength and toughness to weight characteristics may also prove valuable as part of composite components in fuel cells that are deployed in transport applications where durability is extremely important.

Conductive Adhesives and Connectors

The same issues that make buckytubes attractive as conductive fillers for use in shielding, ESD materials, etc., make them attractive for electronics materials, such as adhesives and other connectors (e.g., solders).

Molecular Electronics

The idea of building electronic circuits out of the essential building blocks of materials - molecules - has seen a revival the past five years, and is a key component of nanotechnology. In any electronic circuit, but particularly as dimensions shrink to the nanoscale, the interconnections between switches and other active devices become increasingly important.
Their geometry, electrical conductivity, and ability to be precisely derived, make buckytubes the ideal candidates for the connections in molecular electronics. In addition, they have been demonstrated as switches themselves.

Thermal Materials

The record-setting anisotropic thermal conductivity of buckytubes is enabling applications where heat needs to move from one place to another. Such an application is electronics, particularly advanced computing, where uncooled chips now routinely reach over 100oC.
CNI's technology for creating aligned structures and ribbons of buckytubes [D.Walters, et al., Chem. Phys. Lett. 338, 14 (2001)] is a step toward realising incredibly efficient heat conduits. In addition, composites with buckytubes have been shown to dramatically increase the bulk thermal conductivity at small loadings.

Structural Composites

The world-record properties of buckytubes are not limited to electrical and thermal conductivities, but also include mechanical properties, such as stiffness, toughness, and strength. These properties lead to a wealth of applications exploiting them, including advanced composites requiring high values in one or more of these properties.

Fibres and Fabrics

Fibres spun of pure buckytubes have recently been demonstrated [R.H. Baughman, Science 290, 1310 (2000)] and are undergoing rapid development, along with buckytube composite fibres. Such super strong fibres will have applications including body and vehicle armour, transmission line cables, woven fabrics and textiles.

Catalyst Supports

Buckytubes have an intrinsically high surface area; in fact, every atom is not just on a surface - each atom is on two surfaces, the inside and outside! Combined with the ability to attach essentially any chemical species to their sidewalls provides an opportunity for unique catalyst supports. Their electrical conductivity may also be exploited in the search for new catalysts and catalytic behaviour.

Biomedical Applications

The exploration of buckytubes in biomedical applications is just underway, but has significant potential. Cells have been shown to grow on buckytubes, so they appear to have no toxic effect. The cells also do not adhere to the buckytubes, potentially giving rise to applications such as coatings for prosthetics and anti-fouling coatings for ships.
The ability to chemically modify the sidewalls of buckytubes also leads to biomedical applications such as vascular stents, and neuron growth and regeneration.

Other Applications

There is a wealth of other potential applications for buckytubes, such as solar collection; nanoporous filters; catalyst supports; and coatings of all sorts. There are almost certainly many unanticipated applications for this remarkable material that will come to light in the years ahead and which may prove to be the most important and valuable of all.