Friday, August 7, 2009

Jackal Observation: Eye Contact Fishing

Now it's not always exhibited by a crazy old guy that doesn't shave, but eye contact fishing plagues many facets of our great society. Jackal Example: Jackals, by nature, avoid eye contact. During job interviews, during intercourse, the usual, but eye contact fishing occurs when someone doesn't compute the origin of your ocular absence. They either don't realize a jackal could give two fucks about their weekend escapades or they think what ever dumb shit they have to say is worth pulling a jackal away from his UNF-ing. I believe you know the type I'm referring to; often loud-talking individuals, convinced of their own righteousness or a stranger on the street not up to speed on stranger etiquette. You may be asking, "BMR, I know the eye contact fishermen and women of which you speak, how do I avoid them?" The jury is still out on this one, my jackals, conventional wisdom suggests looking at the ground, although these social pariahs are quite often more patient than you or I. In the interest of learning them a thing or two, I say relish the eye contact. Match their contact and then triple it. With glaring wide eyes, nod as if you know precisely why they stopped you to bore the shit out of you. Move your mouth as if you were about to say the same thing. Then without any break in the conversation, tell them this, "My third grade teacher once told me the same thing before I skinned her cat and wore its flesh as a fanny pack." My guess is you will be able to break the eye contact at that point.