Charmcity Champs

Selling the Farm: Baltimore Ravens

What a difference a month makes. #81 spent all of December and January killing Broncos, Patriots and 49ers, and now he's heading to San Francisco. I remember crapping my pants last year when Jarret Johnson, Cory Redding, one Tom "JOTD" Zbikowski, Todd Heap a few years ago, salary caps be a bitch. Good thing Pittsburgh is totally fucked.

Pinch Me

The Baltimore Ravens are World Champions. And he springs this serious gourmet shit on us. I's expecting some freeze-dried Taster's Choice. What flavor is this?

Friday Hottie(s): Baltimore Ravens Cheerleaders

KFTC: Tico the Loco

Haters go on and hate. I think it's hilarious the amount of people trying to give me their blessing or curse. Coworkers, brothers in law, people that check in with the Den once per calendar year with horrible grammar and grasp of the English language in general despite decades of residence in America. I really don't give a fuck. I know life probably sucks when you work in IT and you and your wife lose all semblance of a sex life. Are you a 9ers fan or just bitter in general?

KFTC: New England Patriots fans

Bitch Juice: The Patriots

The Patriots won three Super Bowls in four seasons (2001, 2003 and 2004) and were viewed as the latest NFL dynasty. But since the Super Bowl victory over Philadelphia at the end of the ’04 season, the Patriots have gone 8-7 in the postseason and have lost two Super Bowls. The trend has worsened lately; the Patriots are 3-5 in their last eight postseason games, and three of the defeats occurred at home.

Sunday’s win at New England was the 6th postseason road victory of Flacco’s career — and he’s played only five NFL seasons. The six postseason road wins are the most by a quarterback in NFL history.

Ask a (Incredibly Biased) Jackal: Is Joe Flacco Elite?

I don't really give a shit about an answer to this question, but he's probably one of two or three NFL quarterbacks that can make this throw.

Joe Flacco has 613 yards, 5 TDs & 0 INTs (120.0 rating) in this year's playoffs. The average length of his 5 TDs is 39.8 yards.

Buttfuck

Well shit my pants and call me Charlie! The Deadskins ain't sucked the bucket quite yet. I hope we're witnessing a flash in the shit pan, because my Ravens look like ass and there is no forgiveness or mercy in sight. I'm glad Destruct of Cloneumbia has a savior, but I'm pissed it came at our expense. Hopefully his injury takes y'all out of contention. Go fuck yourself.

Keeping It Jackal: Buck Showalter

"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together." - Vincent van Gogh

Once upon a time the New York Yankees were in need of a manager. They thought Buck would come back to their ass castle for an insane amount of money just like every other douchebag they buy a set of pinstripes for. Little did they know they were dealing with a man of integrity and hard work, the cornerstones of any successful franchise. They wanted more of the same, Buck was hoping for a challenge. Enter the Woerioles, Major League Baseball's retarded, red-headed, pimple/freckle-faced fat kid in the cellar. After failing to reach the 70-win plateau a season ago and 15 years below .500, the bad birds of Baltimore are bound for the Bronx in a series tied at a game a piece. Showalter has yet to flinch. This improbable turn of events is probably exactly what he envisioned in his big beautiful brain. Let me get some magic, hon.

Keeping It Jackal: Baltimore Ravens

If you like sports stories, Sunday night's game against Queen Brady's(28-41, 335 yds 1 TD) Patriots had a ton of them. Joe Flacco was 28 of 39 for 382 yds and 3 TDs. Torrey Smith, who lost his little brother Saturday, caught 6 balls for 127 yds and 2 TDs. Down two scores with four minutes to go and come out on top. This is my football team. Here's hoping these jackals get some hardware, because they already play like champions. It's time.

Keeping It Jackal: Baltimore Ravens

Boogerdamus: Steelers Finish 3rd in AFC North

Seriously, the Shittsburgh Squeelers are going to shut the fuck up this fall/winter. It's fucking on. I'm not afraid of Andy Dalton, but Ike Taylor is. Boogerdamus guaranteeing the Squeelers miss the playoffs.

JOTD; Chris Davis

What can this guy not do?

Seriously, Bud Selig, a little YouTubes never hurt nobody. You wonder why every little kid in America doesn't want to play baseball? You're a douche. Your league is douche-esque. No salary cap? Rings for sale? Fuck the Yankees and fuck you.

Hello, Distraction...

 Your ol' pal was getting real salty with tha politics and ecomonomics, but check it, America can just get shitty and watch the fooze. Keep an eye on the jackal pictured below. Pittsburgh be some skrimp!

JOTD: Buck Showalter

"The first time we went to Yankee Stadium, I screamed at Derek Jeter from the dugout," Showalter told the magazine, according to the Bergen Record. "Our guys are thinking, 'Wow, he's screaming at Derek Jeter.' Well, he's always jumping back from balls just off the plate. I know how many calls that team gets -- and yes, he [ticks] me off."

"I'd like to see how smart Theo Epstein is with the Tampa Bay [Rays] payroll," Showalter told Men's Journal, according to the Record. "You got Carl Crawford 'cause you paid more than anyone else, and that's what makes you smarter? That's why I like whipping their butt. It's great, knowing those guys with the $205 million payroll are saying, 'How the hell are they beating us?' "




Shout out to Ol' Filthy for the link...

JOTD: Tommy Z

While this dude has some boxing ability, he has one of the worst boxing names ever. Your ol' pal Boogers don't mind as long as fools go to sleep and I never have to go to SE DC, more specifically the Ugly Mug, on a Saturday night ever again. Let's hear it for this jackal getting paid, even though the NFL is acting like a bitch. This knockout was one of the weirdest I've ever seen.

Boogers' Wide World of Sports

The Baltimore Ravens are back in the playoffs. With a gutsy divisional win on the road, the Ravens put all pressure to win the division and host a home playoff game back on the Steelers' shoulders, to beat the same team and maybe without their star safety, Troy Rides-A-Polamalu(at least that's what SS calls a ninja). The win was not easy, the Baltimore long snapper shredded his knee early in the game and played through significant pain. Apparently, the linebacker Tavares Gooden played through a dislocated shoulder, but such is the character of the players in the locker room. There were a few times where Cleveland got a few things going until the Ravens' star safety Ed Reed put a mother fucker to sleep. I was excited about the win so I threw on Ravens talk radio, but all the callers were bitching about the "quality" of the win and how the offense "sucks". I love Baltimore. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cam Cameron and his "conservative" play calls, some fans would like the Ravens to show all our offensive tricks two weeks before the playoffs with a 10 point lead. I do want a lot more Boldin, but his day draws quite near. Oh yes. Quite near.

Despite all the good news, it appears Ravens' top draft pick, 2nd rounder Sergio Kindle really is a total fucking idiot. After some rough news last week and a teammate telling him to be positive, he let everyone know that this, this and this were no fluke combination of luck or planetary alignment or anything.

Eli Manning is a clone. Shoulders, my mom called you out for being a fan of an out-of-state team today. I'm just sayin'.

In ice hockey news, main mother fucking jackal, Alex fucking Ovechkin's goal-less drought comes to an end on the same night Sadney Crysby's point streak ends. Senators are up 3-0 on the Penisguins as I post this.

JOTD: Cory Redding

Last week, this former Seahawk, and Terp, holler at your boy, SS(BMR might start to give a shit about college football) sealed a Raven's victory. Today it was this former Seahawk(watch Josh Wilson celebrate with him immediately), and former Detroit Lion(JTFC, right?), who keep in mind has never played on a playoff team before. Seattle must be pissed, Ozzie gave up very little on the trades and then they also signed Houshmandzadeh for the league minimum. Seattle, what the fuck is your front office doing? This is a team of destiny. I feel like I'm already watching the NFL Films hour long special.

WTF?: Ravens "Statement" Games

A few weeks back, Ravens head coach and one jackal motherfucker, John Harbaugh, wondered aloud "why the Ravens don't get a non-Sunday, home game in primetime", as if he and his team were slighted in some regard to going on the road for marquee matchups. When you consistently fail to make a statement in those games, however, you can see why someone might not put you first in line. Denver(MNF 2 seasons ago), Green Bay(MNF last year), Atlanta(NFL Network), Tom Brady/Ben Roethlisberger/Payton Manning, get up for these games, yo! Next Monday, my boys get another chance, MNF, primetime, nationally-televised, but it's against Houston. That's not a statement. Well, it is if they don't win.