As a native Marylander, I take pride in eating giant insect looking things from the sea that other people would rather die than consume. I have tried just about every nasty ass bottom feeder there is from raw oysters, to Crabs, to worms, to goldfish, to eel, also pork brains, and of course giant (cell phone-sized) moths on the glass door at Royal Farms...you name it. But I have found my nemesis in the shit eating world and his name is Mussels. These little bastards caused me an epic diarrhea and vomit display back on my anniversary dinner in June that lasted a solid (actually not solid at all) 24 hours. Down at Long Beach Island in NJ this past weekend. I decided to tempt fate yet again and reunite with this horrendous creature at the local seafood restaurant. Now granted I was driving so there were no adult libations to quell any uneasy seas so I had to rely on good grace of the Lord to see me through. Turns out this was the wrong move because I proceded to unleash a brutal display of rejection into the toilet, not seen since Jenna Bithrow rejected the "It's just me, Boogers McRib" approach Boogers used while climbing into bed with the unsuspecting minx back in the Glenelg days.
So my advice to you, my jackals, is that if something spends it's life eating other creatures shit, it is probably best to avoid it (unless it is a Maryland Blue from a reputable restaurant, then go nuts.) No matter how jackal it may seem at the time. It is important to reemphasize that no awesomeness was performed in the beverage department which most likely could have prevented the entire episode. In addition, I ate seafood from probably the most polluted waters in the world...i'm just sayin' Fuck NJ.
