Keep Fucking That Chicken: Drunks

Whew, that's a relief. It's only Tuesday and I want to drink ridiculous. KFTC, Jackals! If there's any of you out there besides me and SS.

Random Acts of Awesome: Girl at Lincoln Park

BMR be on his dog walk like 60% of the time he's not working. It's cool, keeps a dude busy, keeps some exercise in a ninja's routine. Some days it's kind of tough to make the trek to the park, especially if he was up late the night before making comics or dope ass hip hop as a ninja has been known to do. However, when this jackal rolls out of bed and walks 10 blocks to the park, it's pretty refreshing to come across you, girl who runs in the morning wearing only a sports bra and pair of shorts. You take this jackal for a little stroll through your breasts that glisten in morning sunlight and a stomach fit for frying eggs like Valeria Golino in 'Hot Shots'. So keep running, girl who runs in the morning wearing only a sports bra and a pair of shorts. Here's hoping your tolerance for cold buys me a few more weeks/months of creeping you out while you run past me and my dog.

GCOTD: Troy Polamalu (again, I think)

Guess who's insuring his hair for $1 million.

And here he is visiting a Cancer patient. Who does that? Fag.

Brother Ali and DJ Snuggles

Yours truly was about ten feet from this same performance at Rock the Bells yesterday. I keep telling Jackals Rock the Bells is the fucking truth and Jackals keep acting like clones and not going. My real blood Jackals The Lynx and Babyface hold a brother down though. Awesome fucking time. Love y'all.

KFTC: Paris Hilton

Is it me, or is making a sex tape the best thing this dumb bitch ever did?

When the officer asked Hilton whose cocaine it was “she said she had not seen it but now thought it was gum.”

J(s)OTD: South African Baboons

Yeah, baboons. Freak those squares!

Immortal Technique

Ccq99... where you at tico el loco?

Jedi mind tricks

Where you at Clonelle?

The Jackals Den 1000th Post Extravaganza!!!

T-Large, get bent.
Shote sleeves, get fucking bent.
The Wiz and Head, get Greek bent.
Droppa Deuce, Boppa Bent.
Babyface, get a fake ID, buy a beer, then get bent.
Aldente Schwanz, get bent Philly style (in New Jersey).
King of the Jungle, King of the bent.
Tico285 and cqq99, obtener dobladas.
kaptainpat, captain bent.
VoiceMail and Pontius, bentmail and bentius.
Rusty T. Bone, Rusty G Bent.
Ball DEEP, bent to sleep.

McRib Booginator? My Jackal, I'll see YOU later.

999: Dead Ass Jackals

Runnin' circles round ninjas. BMR hold this motherfucker down like nobody's bizness. Not sure why I have to, SS be witnessing all types of clonedom, BD2x is trying to get the eff out of NJ, Head is getting dumber, football is close, BabyFace lost his virginity, Shote Sleeves killed a guy, Rusty T. saved enough High Life points to get a gun rack, so much to blog about. You still can't see me. Sock chewin' ass ninjas.

WTF?: CIA Trippin' Ninjas Out

CIA loved themselves some random LSD dosing. Why didn't those pussies just try it themselves? And why waste it on a clone-ass French town?

BD2, nice R&D on this story. Do ya thang, oil plume-eating microbes.

Wife/lady friend trying to convince you to have some kids? Better be ready for this shit...

Friday Hottie: Joanna Krupa

Jackal Justice?

Holy fuck. This sounds kind of jackal, but I could only endorse it the man's actions were entirely premeditated, which would be really hard to prove. Jackals, is this justice? He did attack someone with a cleaver. This is up for Jackalest News Story Ever. The Middle East is so fucked up.

J(s)OTD: Brazilians

Kicking ass because they decided it sucks being dependent on foreign oil in the 1970s and actually did something about it.

JOTD: Self Nomination

When The Shit Goes Down...

Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are going to have some pissed off African Americans on their hands when they show up. Can I be a white Black Panther for a day? 

Uh oh: Paul Craig Roberts

Anyone want some of Paul Craig Roberts' Kool Aid? Anybody in the Den who is a real live ninja knows that BMR don't trust clones with three names. If you have three names, you're either a clone or a chick who doesn't want to "take a man's name" and in that case, you should go get a strapon and stop shaving your armpits. Well in this case, you're a crazy motherfuckin' white dude who needs to be put asleep. I don't know what this picture is supposed to be, but it's bound to get some rednecks fired up. Anyhow, can't blame them, I felt that pissed when G Dubs was driving this beautiful bitch into the swamp with the kids in the backseat.

J(s)OTD: The Finns

O'Doyle rules! Fuck you, Newsweek! Jackal Mission: marry a Finn.

For all my kicked down ass ninjas, ninja.

Browndog, SS, and probably Shote Sleves, looking at you guys on this one.

Friday Hottie: Sofia Vergara

JOTD: LenDale White

Wow. Well done sir. Well done indeed.

GCOTD: Today August 7, 2010

6:40am: Wake up with a very mild hangover, extreme tiredness, and cigar mouth after having only 4 hours of sleep.
6:50am: Go downstairs into my shitty dirty house with no wife and no dog and try to go back to sleep on the couch while drinking Gatorade and watching SportsCenter.
8:30am: Realize only a full breakfast including coffee will get rid of the crappy way I feel and the cigar mouth.
8:31am: Remember my fucking coffee pot is broken.
9:00am: Work up the courage to go to Starbucks for coffee and breakfast.
10:00am: Confirm that Billy isn't going to the 1pm card game with me.
11:00am: Take my car to the car wash on my way to Robeks and Annapolis to play in a charity poker tournament with Miller.
12:30am: Realize Annapolis is full of 25,000 douchebags and only 15 parking spots all of which are already taken. Texting with Miller.
1:00pm: Arrive at the bar right as the tourney is about to start and can't find Miller.
1:05pm: Confirm that Miller is still at home in bed, leave bar pissed off and walk the mile back to my car.
2:10pm: Arrive back to my shitty house with no wife and no dog and do some laundry and eat some lunch.
3:00pm Finish up laundry and my eighth miserable trip to the toilet today, apparently I ate poison, and get read to head to the park to play bball.
3:30pm: Arrive at the park to find it empty. Drive right passed it pissed off. Turn around and see a group of four guys have arrived, decide to shoot around for a bit to see if more people show up.
4:30pm: Give up on more people showing up. Beautiful day now officially wasted.
4:45pm: Return to my shitty house with no wife and no dog again.
5:00pm: Play video games and do more laundry. Enjoy neither activity. Text with Billy about hanging out and maybe playing cards at night.
7:30pm: After texting Billy and getting no response for 15 minutes decide to shower.
7:50pm: Come up with awesome idea that I will go to McGintys for dinner and I'll sit at the bar and have some Guinness and corned beef and cabbage and I'm cool so people will chat with me and it'll be cool and I'll feel like my life is ok.
8:15pm: Arrive at McGinty's and realize how terrible this idea was.
8:20pm: Arrive at different restaurant where I will feel like less of a loser because it has bigger TVs and settle into the bar and order a Guinness.
8:35 pm: Eat Jalapeno Cornbread that surprisingly came with my salad. Only positive part of the day.
8:50pm: Actually starting to enjoy the meal as I am halfway through my rotisserie chicken when all of a sudden BAM busted chick and gay dude arrive and sit basically right on top of me and the chick has so much cocoa butter on I almost puke all over myself.
8:55pm: They order drinks and get carded. I didn't get carded. I make joke to fat waitress about how she made me feel old. I am old. And a loser. Joke isn't that funny.
9:00pm: Ask for check.
9:45pm: After arriving back at my shitty house with no wife and no dog decide to blog about my day.

Lynx of the Day: Mexican baby

"Rodriguez told state public radio Thursday that the doctor who pronounced the girl dead at a hospital in the town of Tulancingo is being investigated for possible negligence."

Are you sure? KFTC.

Friday Hottie: Larissa Riquelme

J(s)OTD: Ecuador

Just when you think everything has gone to shit in this world, some good rears her beautiful breasts and says, "Here, feel these." Oh, sorry, I have been busy picking out a Friday Hottie and got carried away. First, I'm getting a promotion, then I'm staking my claim in one of the last places on Earth man has yet to completely fuck shit up.

KFTC: Social Security Administration

Ahh, just as Jim Mundy predicted in 1997, it's happening, and about a decade earlier as a matter of pant-shitting fact.

Keeping It Awesome: Basil Marceaux

Meow: UMD Terps Football

Welcome to a new Jackals Den series entitled, 'Meow', where we salute bitch juice where it flows. "We're not good at football, so we should stretch and meditate like a bunch of bitches." Hey, Terps Football, harden the fuck up!

JOTSS(Jackal of the Solar System): The Sun

The source of everything good on our planet. This real live jackal is hooking you up with a free light show. Ba-leeve it. All the scientists was like, "Yo, Sun should be all quiet and shit." Shit's bout to change, yo.