Friday, April 30, 2010

The Os/Nats Debate: Where the Jackals Den turns into Lake Tardicaca

Look Jackals and Jackalettes! It's Ball Deep, Boogers McRib, Babyface, and the Lynx!!! And they're expressing their opinion on the Os and Nats!!!


How dare you question my Orioles fandom? How fucking dare you? Do I not own a polaroid picture of Cal Ripken with 5 year old SS after he signed a baseball card for me? Did I not own a Sesame Street weebles sort of thing and take the Yellow Bert and name him Cal and the Orange Ernie and name him Eddie? How fucking dare you? I was at 2131 mother fucker. I wear #26 in all athletic endeavors and have done so since middle school in a tri pronged tribute to the #21 my father wore, the #56 LT wore, and the 2 + 6 = 8 for Cal Ripken. You mother fuckers have some fucking nerve... Is this not me in an Os hat less than 2 years ago? It sure as fuck is.
So lets get geographical here. Here
you will see a map of MD and point A represents the home I grew up in and point B represents were I went to College which is basically where I live now. You will also see red lines depicting my current proximity to DC which I have had starting 12 years ago and blue lines depicting my childhood proximity to Baltimore.
So here is the deal. I root for both teams. I root for them both equally. Taking the proximity chart above I don't see an y reason why this is a problem. The teams play in separate leagues and the odds of them meeting in the World Series are about 1000 to 1 considering how much they both currently suck as well as the fact that their divisions contain 4 of the 5 top payrolls in baseball every single year. In fact I can't think of the last time that a team from the AL East not named Red Sox or Yankees AND a team of the NL East not named Mets or Phillies was even IN THE PLAYOFFS in the same year. Baseball is gay as fuck and this is a reason why. So I will never have to choose between the two.
But the retards mentioned above seem to think that part of being an Os fan is hating the Nats. Why? Because they are mindless fucking sheep. Peter Angelos, a cocksucker who made his money defending crooked contractors who gave poor people cancer, embarked on a 10 year crusade to keep baseball out of Washington. Why did Angelos do this? So he could keep selling out his stadium while putting a shitty team on the field. You see that in the five years before the Nats the Os averaged an awesome 70.6 wins a year for a winning percentage of 44%. The five years the Nats have been in DC they average 69 wins a year for 43%. That said attendance has dropped from and average of 35,422 the five pre Nats years to 26,918 the five years with actual competition for the shitty product Angelos rolls out. What does all of this mean? Peter Angelos is a cocksucker who should have spent his free time in the off season from 2000-2004 MAKING THE FUCKING TEAM BETTER instead of trying to cock block DC from having a team. If you want to be a mindless fucking sheep who hates what that cocksucker tells you to hate knock yourself. I'm not into that. I'll root for the Os and root for the Nats and hope that the Nats being in DC and having a very bright future will FORCE Angelos to make the team better to stop losing money.
On to the homework portion of this post...
BMR and BD2 grew up in the same fucking house. This fact cannot be disputed. BMR is a Ravens fan and BD2 reps the Skins (at least this decade anyways...). The Ravens moved to BMore from Cleveland in the mid nineties much like Nats came to DC from Montreal in the oughts. When BD2 said "The Nationals are the Expos....expelled from Montreal for sucking too bad" was he not also talking about the Ravens oops my bad, the Browns? When BMR nodded in agreement was he not talking shit about the football team he roots for? And what the fuck is BD2 doing rooting for a DC team if he reps the Os so hard? Why hasn't he adopted the Browns? Shit he wasn't even a Skins fan until after the Browns already existed in Baltimore. This is all very confusing to me so why don't you two retards fight it out and figure out what your position is and get back to me.


ps I have watched two baseball games this year (well parts of 2 games) and both were Os games. Go the fuck asleep.

Hip Hop Lives Forever

Do yourself a favor and buy Brother Ali's newest release Us. Best $12 you'll spend in 2010.

Hip Hop is Dead?




So your boy BD2 has been giving hip hop the business and for just cause. The shit has been weak as fuck for awhile now. But it appears there are still some good jams out there if you are willing to weed through the bullshit. Never really got into Freeway because he was boys with Kanye and we all know my opinion of that clone. (Autotune using, Daft Punk album stealing, 80s wannabe bitch.) But this song is some good shit. I bet KRS had a proud smile on his face when he heard this...

I think the last 2 minutes of silence are sonic version of droppin the mic on stage

Friday Hottie: Jessica Gomes



Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Get The Fuck Up

A call to action to any clone who'se been sleepin'. Your team needs you. As game 7 comes knocking on our door will you sit idly by and watch a bunch of clown ass canadiens take the Capitals out of the playoffs? Or perhaps you shall rock the red and help our team advance to the second round where they can silence all those cocky phliers fans. I can not tell you how many GAF jersey shore wanna be clones have been talkin shit about the Capitals. I wear my ovechkin jersey and peter bondra signed caps hat today with pride. This is our series to win, we're at home and need to show america's hat what the fuck is up. So i urge all true jackals take to the streets let the world know that the series isn't over until we say it is. Throw on the anthem and unf on any clone who does not feel us, amidre us, our sturggle, our hussle, our soul, desire.



Keep Fuckin that Chicken: Nationals



umm yeah...that was just about the weakest fuckin thing I have ever seen. Oh yeah, that old team you were talking about in your little song was the Senators. They sucked in their later years, didnt exist when we were born and anything prior is too old to matter. The Nationals are the Expos....expelled from Montreal for sucking too bad, a french speaking colony in America's gay cousin. Not hating on another local team, but just because I moved to another city I am not gonna jump on another shitty team because it is more convenient. If I rolled like that I would be a Giants fan. (aka GAF). So I will continue to wear my burgundy/gold and orange/black with pride. Pleaassee baaallleeeevve me!

This is the only team that matters in baseball even if the past 22 years have been....well nothing more than shitty as hell. Boogers put me up on this video last night and it made me remember what made the O's so awesome.


They were blue collar and country as fuck, and most importantly they beat up on the big bad Yanks and Sox relentlessly. Let's go O's!

History will repeat itself: 4/28/09 to 4/28/10 and it don't stop it just continya

JOTD: Mike Knuble





Park your ass in front of the net, get your grind on, and make me proud.

Lets go Caps!

Monday, April 26, 2010

GCOTD: Five Guys(Prices)



Yeah, I've been listening to Five Guys banter for over a year now and I was led to believe it was the best dining establishment for obliterating hunger since Chipotle. I heard about numerous NoVa escapades with SS and Ol' Filthy being born again at the hands of ground cow and potato slices. I was told, "Oh, the little burger is plenty..." and "They fill the bag of fries to the brim!" I was optimistic. Why shouldn't I be? Since when does SS lead a jackal astray? Never. Little cheeseburger, fries and a Coke. What's the damage, BMR? Nine fucking dollars and thirty two cents!?!?! Can I have a fucking blow job with my burger and fries? Am I a fucking skrimp? Is that burger constituted of ground filet mignon? Boycott starts now, Five Guys. Your prices are bullshit. If I had felt particularly hungry, would I have broken the ten dollar threshold? For a fucking burger? I hate you. SS, you led a jackal astray. BD2x, you had a Five Guys post at one point or another, why didn't you explain this to a jackal? I will defer to the drawing below to summarize:



Boogerdamus: The Return of the Gangster

Alright, what sucks about this prediction is I made it two months ago(quite jackal in its own right) but I made it to Pontius and some chick he was on a date with. The chick was really hot and she knew her hockey, but she was hating on our Russian something furious. I went out on a limb(at the time) and made the call. Pontius pretty much had to go along with it because CQQ99 got him a Varly jersey just weeks before Boogerdamus got his prediction on. Until he starts posting in the Den, you'll have to confirm this prediction with Pontius himself. Ba-leeve it.

Seriously, Caps, get the fuck out of this series, Philly is waiting.


Semin, quit being gay and get back to being jackal. Put one or two bitches asleep.


In other news, this prediction is going horribly wrong. At the hand of the clone ass Spurs, no less. Fuck the NBA.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

GCOTD: The NBA



Pau Gasol +
female announcer on E(clone muthafuckas)SPN +
"I Will, I Will!" Under Armour commercials +
Ron Artest's hair +
Luke Walton +
Oklahoma Thunder?? +
Arena whiteout (clone ass Penguin's style) +
Kobe Bryant's tough guy stare =
The NBA sucks gay clone monkey balls

Come on really a chick fucking announcer??? Go to fucking asleep mother bitches!!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Friday Hottie: Flied Lice Edition

Kelly Hu is pretty awesome.

JOTD: Ozzie Fuckin' Newsome

"But for those who study the draft, the Ravens are considered almost unmatched because of their acumen in the middle rounds, where the remaining players have greater shortcomings. Football Outsiders analyzed the Ravens’ draft picks from 2001 through 2007 to determine the value of each pick, based on games started, compared with players at the same position chosen within 10 spots by other teams. During that time, the Ravens’ picks had the best average value."

Ba-leeve it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Go to Fucking Asleep


Canadiens may want to review this

I'm Just Sayin': Dudes With Chicks' Names


I don't know about the rest of you jackals, but that jackal donning a #8 jersey for the Caps isn't afraid of a goalie with a chick's name. While it wasn't immediate ScarShoulderdamus material, it looks like ol' SS wasn't too far off, although he may be completely losing his shit at work this week. Dude went OBD on a email chain 'Reply All', accusing two jackals and one wayward jackal relative of incestual gay sex acts. The original Jackals' Den is a tough destination for a midweek awesome fest, I'm just sayin'.

Monday, April 19, 2010

How to tell you are the boss

You know when you know you have made it? You have reached the pinnacle of all things?
(No, not buying that "I am #1 hat") is when you are in your own office and you can just FART the shit out of your own office and people come and have to smell your feces entering their nostrils and SMILE....

YES BITCH SMILE AND SMELL MY SHIT!

Jackal's Day In Court: Eleven Months Later

Almost a year later and DC Superior Court finally ruled that the security deposit plus interests and court costs are due to Mr. McRib, attorney at law. We learned two things here, kids:

1) If you're renovating and renting without regard for permits, licenses and general building code, return your tenant's security deposit

2) If you're taking an old landlord to court, make sure said landlord HAS money

While there was a moral victory to be had, that shit don't pay bills. Don't sleep.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Do Ya' Thing, NJ: Sorry, BD2, This One Was Wayyyy Too Good. Where's Clonelle?

And where is the animated Jessica Alba we were promised? Sorry, BD2, I'm really close to being done with ripping on New Jersey headlines, but this might be the best one yet.

Friday, April 16, 2010

GCOTD: Goldman Sachs


Reap what you sow bitch!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Go the fuck asleep Goldman Sachs. Goldman gold is going down. Fuck you very much.

JOTD: Boogers

BMR is rallying his entire office for a lunch time game of Kubb. It could go one of two ways, he could be viewed as a total slacker for wanting to play games instead of work or he could be commended for uniting co-workers and uplifting morale. Details to follow.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Orioles Magic: With a loss to the A's tonight...

How low can we go? With a loss tonight they will secure their spot as the worst team in the league. You can do it O's, I believe in Orioles magic



almost as inspiring as the start of this season....almost

Yarislav Helak

Is about to have and extremely bad dream.

It begins....

WTF?: Parenting in Queens

Fuckin' a. This guy and Chopper Reid should get together and go bowling. What a douche.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I'm Just Sayin': Blondes May Have a Thing or Two on Brunettes. What?!?

Look, BMR says some things, sometimes in the heat of the moment, possibly while Shoulders drunk speaker dials his dad or you know, maybe he holds some particular opinion and chased off all the squares. Call me a reneger, I don't care. Practicin' renegerdom. Call it what you will. Blondes have shit on brunettes. Fuck.

Sorry, OBD

Guess they didn't take the 25-35 male Miller High Life drinking anti-green movement outdoorsmen into consideration when they did this.

Clone ass Behavior: Technophiles



What would our world be with less personal electronic devices? A hell of alot more jackal that's what. You know I just figured out this whole iPad thing. It's less useful than an iphone (also quite douchey as well) because it is too big for a pocket, doesnt make phone calls, and doesn't play flash media so essentially useless for the internet oh and it is bascically a giant itouch (very douchy). It is less useful than a laptop as well because it is not as powerful and does nothing for word processing (conveniently anyway). So it is basically a toy to show the other nerds who has the most Call of Duty points or whatever since cock measurement was sacrificed years ago when you became a clone nerd freak virgin assclown dork.

Or to put in into other terms it is like pulling up in a shiny new BMW 6 series with giant chrome rims and a huge spoiler just to show everyone just how fucking cool you are. BABABBBRRRAABABBBRRRAABABBBRRRA
Here is BD2s list of technodouchbaggery starting with the most clone to the least.

Clonest Devices:
Anything with a bluetooth earpiece
iPad
PSP, PS3, 4 whatever
PDAs, Blackberrys, Droids, iPhones, etc
Texting phones (I have one they fucking suck)
Flip phones
Basically anything that you pay a service for or ensures that you have no regard for what is happening around you...reality...when you are walking down the street.

This was NOT sent from my iPhone. Hallelujah Holy Shit.

801: VM's Tuxedo

So, Voicemail, I'm thinking the lucky lady might want you smelling and looking like a Bacon Explosion on her special day. If she shoots it down, please make your groomsmen wear them.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

JOTD: Paul Krugman

Paul Krugman has balls of big steel and he ain't taking shit from nobody. Especially not Andrew Ross Sorkin, so what did ol' Krugsy do? He called him out. Look, I know Head turned me on to this dude's column and the Den has linked a great deal of his opinions and research and I don't want to turn our blog into the blog equivalent of those tiny fish that swim with sharks, but along with Boogerdamus, this ninja speak da' troof. America is scaring the fuck out of a jackal these days. Love me some political/economic common ground. Do ya' thang, Krugs!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Racism



Obama was right, even if the healthcare debate was on C-SPAN, no one would have watched that boring fucking shit. Although, they would have seen the Republicans childish attempts to thwart legislative progress instead of provide constructive input toward landmark legislation. Excellent choice of lyrics, you dumb cracker, but don't you think 'reneger' sounds a little bit like 'nigger'? Stupid, honkey.

Fuck Canada


Fate?


I think not...bring it on clones. Regardless of the outcome we will still tear your hometown a new one for nuggets'es pre-nuptial hoonery festival (Head you should come), but I believe the Caps will prevail!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Jackanalysis: Redskin Transplants

Well well well, Ol' Zorny and now a promotion for the Saund-meister!

JC, do you want to be a backup?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

GCOTD: Philadelphia

Even if this whole thing doesn't work out, at least we pissed off some Eagles fans.

Take this gem for example:
Brian Baldinger: Eagles have no regret The Eagles should be ecstatic. I view McNabb as a flawed player, and it was never more apparent than in the back-to-back losses to the Cowboys last season. His flaws will never go away. Now, the Eagles get at least two chances to expose the same flaws they've been covering up for 11 years. It works against the Redskins that McNabb is still in the division. Andy Reid can finally stop covering up for one of the most overrated quarterbacks in the history of the game. The Eagles will go to the playoffs. The Redskins will be watching from the golf course.
So much for objective reporting…nice work Baldy.

This just in...Haynesworth not participating in voluntary workouts...shocking. I foresee a DT Tennessee Williams on the roster in the not to distant future. If not can we please get Okung and not one of those gay quarterbacks?? WAA! You took our quarterback! WAA! get over it you crybabies. This is our year. Enjoy the rebuilding shitheads we are going to the Super Bowl...ballleevve it. Get used to the 2 familiar faces pictured above, they will be on ESPN alot and not because of the circus that was Redskins park last year and for the last 10 years, but because we are going to beat that ass (everyone else) with our burgundy and gold shoes all damn day. Yes I said "we", no I don't feel bad about it. GO SKINS!!

PS Fuck Dallas and NY too.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

That answers that


Fuck Comcast in their fucking asses, they're fucking clown shoes

Comast is a gay clone the likes of which are only comparible to Sadney Crosby, his boyfriend Max Cooke. Tonight they decided to air the gay clone wizards game over the clearly JAF capitals game against the penguins. Thankfully i have versus and am able to watch the game. Not hear it. Watch. The sound works great on every commercial but the second it switches to something related to hockey the sound goes off. Comast cable is bout to get UNFed by this young jackal. HOWWWLLLLL

Caps/Shittsburg

Not to sound like a clone, but should the Caps try to sweep the Pens tonight or just not get anyone hurt? It seems like they should try not to get anyone hurt (like resting Green last night), but it would be sweet to see Crosby and the douche squad lose at home again, tonight.



Discuss...

PS - Fuck Duke.

PPS - NFC Beast 2010 Champs balleevve it!