Testify, Jackal!: Steve Hallett and John Wright

Imagine there's no oil. It's easy if you try.

Friday Hottie: Jennifer England

Apocalypse How: USA/Iran

"This year will be a difficult year. Fasten your seatbelt and put on your iron-clad boots. Soon commotions will be heard."

Paul for 2013

It's fucking on.

Psst...Mama Earth is Fucking Pissed, Yo

Yo, word to your moms, she be pissed, yo.

Go To Sleep: Pittsburgh Penguins

Is somebody preparing for a new career without shots to the head? What a little bitch. Suck one, Crysby!

Jackal Coping Mechanisms: Fake Bedtime Stories

I can't really relate to the hardships of parenting, otherwise I'd probably make Adam Mansbach Jackal of the Day. Actually, fuck it, nobody else comes to mind.

"But as any good fiction teacher will tell you, you’ve gotta write what you know. And last summer, Mansbach knew that it was taking for-freaking-ever to get his 2-year-old daughter, Vivien, to go the f@#ck to sleep. He posted an exasperated lament on Facebook, and his friends told him to write a book. So he did."

Sleepy Jackal: bhmf

No Shit: Afghan Prison Break Was "Inside Job"

Didn't see that one coming.

"Monday's break was the second escape at the prison in three years. In 2008, as many as 1,000 prisoners -- nearly half of them Taliban members -- escaped after militants detonated a truck bomb against the side of the prison compound."

Well, we're just gonna have to rebuild the prison, but better.

Go To Sleep: San Antonio Spurs

Funny Shit: Titties and Some Carrott Cake

Thug Friends "Titties and Carrot Cake" from Absolutism on Vimeo.

GC(s)OTD: Al Qaeda

According to documents, to avoid the distraction of women, he “reportedly received injections to promote impotence and recommended the injections to others so more time could be spent on the jihad.”

What a fag.

Then there's the story of these fucking cowards:

When Ramzi Binalshibh, a key liaison between the Sept. 11 hijackers and al-Qaeda, was arrested at a safe house in Karachi on the first anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, there was a four-hour standoff while the Yemeni and two others held knives to their own throats and threatened to kill themselves rather than be taken.

Fucking pussies.

Friday Hottie: Nina Moric

They Ain't Call Him the Goddamn King for Nothing!!!!!

The don't make rock stars like they used to. I submit this crazy shit to the Den. Please read and digest ASAP, it is more genuine American History our lazy ass history teachers failed to teach us.

The part of the article I want to focus on is this: "Elvis was traveling with some guns and his collection of police badges, and he decided that what he really wanted was a badge from the federal Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs back in Washington. "The narc badge represented some kind of ultimate power to him," Priscilla Presley would write in her memoir, Elvis and Me. "With the federal narcotics badge, he [believed he] could legally enter any country both wearing guns and carrying any drugs he wished."

You see Elvis was actually the original gansta. He had pimped out rides, he had guns, he had bling, he probably called Priscilla a "bitch" and a "ho". And he was white so the President would meet with him.

Also important to mention is Elvis' intellectual side. Clearly he understood that the second amendment was very important to a free society. Gangsta's got a right to pack heat too. And he clearly understands that badge=power whether that power is real or not is beside the point. All he needed was to get his hands on that badge and he was golden.

I just love all the irony that history affords us. Truth is stranger than fiction. Plus drugs and guns fucking rule. All this anti gun sentiment has got to go. I see all these Guns are GAF statements on the Den and I just shed a little tear inside. If you have any doubts that I may perhaps be wrong just look to our rock stars for some guidance. After all it is they who we turn to in times of need. Look what guns and drugs have done for them. Worked out well for Elvis anyhow.

And one last thing of note is this piece here: "Arrayed in a purple velvet suit with a huge gold belt buckle and amber sunglasses, Elvis came bearing a gift—a Colt .45 pistol"

Can you just imagine Michael Jackson giving Barack a handgun is freaking present???

Jackal Legislation: Massachusetts

“Ferreting out decriminalized conduct with the same fervor associated with the pursuit of serious criminal conduct is neither desired by the public nor in accord with the plain language of the statute,” Ireland wrote.

Massachusetts just took a big step. Let's take that shit coast to coast. Happy Four Twenty, Jackals!

Next Jackal Up: Eric Fehr

Alright, it appears we might be down one Mike Knuble, but fuck it. Jackals like a nice challenge. Avery has to absolutely got to go asleep. If you're gonna take a penalty, make sure it's to put that cracka to bed.

Land of the Free

Whoever told you that is your enemy.

"As you must know, Lancer has made some inquiries regarding our activities, which we cannot allow. Please submit your views no later than October. Your action to this matter is critical to the continuance of the group."

KFTC: OBD

Hey, OBD, why couldn't your vaunted, all-knowing Bush administration pull this one off? Seems funny to me how the 15-year low was achieved in 2009, after BHO got to work. Skrimp. Actually, you really have to give credit to Ol' Skull & Bones. After all, the economy being in the toilet was likely the number one contributor. If we could convince India and China to eat each other and take piggy-back rides to work, we might be in good shape.

If You Gotta Go...

So the story behind that really cheesey, kind of jackal photo is I googled this poor bastard's name and got a jackal-related(albeit Stargate-esque) image like six hits down the list.

Just to think though, all that bullshit over a woman. I know a lot of them seem like they're worth it, but crocodiles?

You Don't Say...

I'm kind of tired of ninjas waiting a decade to start talking about shit.

Did you digest that? How's this for holy shit?

Gay Clone Industry: Douchebag Manufacture

If I had known these fuckers were right in my back yard, I would have gotten awesome and UNF'd that ass. I do want to bury my turtle in Michelle Bachmann's mud, though...

Life of a Jackal- Excerpts from the Fringe of O.B.D.'s Life

Yo! Finally off work early, so checking in with some funnies, 4 real. Havent had time to update on the hilarity of my life recently.

So, I was at a superbowl party with the chick I was seeing, at her sisters place. All their family was there, like 10 people. All liberal/tree-hugger types, and they are talking about b.s. while I am trying to watch the freakin game and get my swurve on. So, as I wander up from the tv room where the men are; in search of more beers, I get accosted by the women, about something. They are talking about something that I clearly dont remember or cared to hear at the time right- So I decided to interrupt , and tell them about my latest re-discovered pasttime- littering! (SS I know you feel me!) I go off for approx. 4 minutes on the joys of throwing soda bottles and random food trash out my truck window while I am driving, and the laughter and joy it brings me.

Then I realize everybody is staring @ me like I'm a Nazi or something. Squares= Freaked Out. There was some nervous laughter from everybody else, as if I might be joking, and my chick made some dumb joke about punching me if she saw me do that, and I said something about her not being able to see that happen if a milkshake hits her windshield while shes driving, and then the awkwardness increased, and nobody was real enough to say anything about this, and then I said excuse me, opened the fridge, got two beers out (pretending one was for someone else; it wasn't) and walked past the still silent women to watch the rest of the superbowl.

I laughed about this off and on for approximately that day until present, off and on.

Also, advice to you single (and newly single) fellas- No matter how well you mean it, telling a chick she has nice "meat curtains" is almost universally NOT accepted as a compliment by the gentler sex. Go'an an ax me how I know that.


Bdizzle out.

Eye for an eye right???

This one's for you Boogers. I thought your laser was for shooting large objects i.e. planes boats etc etc. This laser is for blinding civilians and also works against pirates. Man these pirates got people sweating. Non lethal right? Well guess so but you might be blind for a few days.

But look you fucking retards, the pirates are ready for this one. Know what that patch over there eye is for? Well its there back up eye and they can see through the patch. Blind 'em in one eye, they flip the patch off and put a sword through your gut. Pirates are smart like that, probably do drugs too.

Jackal Coping Mechanisms: Sex and Ganja

Could Detroit go from this


to this?

Keeping It Jackal: Barack Obama

"I said, 'You want to repeal health care? Go at it. We'll have that debate. You're not going to be able to do that by nickel-and-diming me in the budget. You think we're stupid?'"

Mr. Obama said he told House Speaker John Boehner and members of his staff that he'd spent a year and a half getting the sweeping health care legislation passed -- paying "significant political costs" along the way -- and wouldn't let them undo it in a six-month spending bill.

Friday Hottie: Kelly Monaco