Fuck you, Head. Titles are dumb.

Just wanted to shout out to my main man, Scar Shizzy. He's gonna be reppin' jackalism all up in the state where the actual motto is "To the Stars, Through Difficulties". Google that shit, I'm not funny enough to make it up. I just wanted to give a jackal update on two fronts. Kyle's intern is still fuckin' hot. And I'm ramping up efforts to reclaim the security I gave that filthy, lying El Salvadoran or some-kind of Spanish. I went and got a six pack and I've been calling her cell phone since I got on the Metro to come home from work and hopefully not die too. I've gotten to a point where I can dial and switch on speaker phone each time without looking. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any more storage for voice mails. I'm just feeling a bit jackal about the whole thing and wanted to share. Yo, Shoulders, I hope you have a good time at the wedding... through difficulties!

More Facts about Kansas:

Capital City:	Topeka
State Nickname:	The Sunflower State
State Song:	Home on the Range
State Motto:	Ad Astra per Aspera (To the stars through difficulties)
Statehood Date:	January 29, 1861
State Order:	34th

Baleebeit

On cro-magnon's shortcomings: The Evolutionary Dissection of Means to Get A Title To Appease Head's Gargantuine Grey Matter

I gotta throw some sorrys in Agent Head's sack. I got a little trigger happy and threw a subpar Jackalism up on the board. Just makes you wonder why Tico was so enraged. Did he get violated by a MJ impersonator as a lad? Or, damn, Tico sure resembles that whistle blower from the first MJ accusation. What I was trying to say was, I felt pretty bad when I found out we lost Crazy Mike. I'm not sure what his childhood was like, but damn, that dude was dead long before today. Beat It was stuck in my head for an hour and a half after I found out. Why couldn't he have died like Kurt Cobain or Marvin Gaye, wouldn't that have been sweet? If he never made those terrible 10 minute long music videos with Macauley Caulkin and shit? Do you think he'll have an open casket? How much would it suck to have to walk by his face all dead and shit? Dude was weird, but I didn't want him dead. Just in jail for messin' with little boys' booty holes. Head, I'm still waiting for a legitimate criticism/support of my carbon theories. Totally rediculous? Serious question. Can the carbon be collected from the atmosphere? I'm thinking something like the way a cigarette filter collects tar. Completely impossible?


Oh, I don't know, somthing like this?

G-DEAD-COD

About time you did it fucker

Leave me the fuck alone

You know what I fuckin hate. Retarded small talk. I go into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee so I don't fall asleep doing my boring ass job and guess what? There is a boring ass mother fucker in the kitchen who insisted on having this conversation:
Holly: How are you KOTJ?
KOTJ: Fine, how are you Holly?
Holly: Ohhh...I could be worse, could be better.

What??? Really??? Well your not on fire so I guess your right, you could be worse. And clearly if your here right now, you didn't win the fuckin lottery in the last 5 minutes, so I guess you could be better. I am so glad that we had this extremely enlightening fucking conversation! I really don't know what I would have done without that totally useless interaction. Well actually, I think I would have stood here in peace without having you fucking pestering me and then having to pretend laugh at your decidely unwitty observation. So please, leave me the fuck alone.

Remember the Good Old Days?

Yeah? Me neither. That is because we haven't seen a local championship in our adult lives. The Caps came close in 1998 and this year, but hockey is Canadian, GAF, and a lame consolation prize.
What the hell, man? Local sports are so bad that the local media is now resorting to rooting for Nationals to lose more games (120 losses) than the '62 Mets so that we can suck LESS. I mean talk about accepting your mediocrity.

Let's take a look back to when the good old days were for our region.

1978 Bullets (I was in utero.)

1992 Redskins (I was 13 and didn't know shit about sports, but at least I sort of remember it.)
1983 Orioles (I was 4 years old.)

Seems to me like Skins are ripe for a turnaround since none of these other scrimps are ready to man the fuck up. (Boog this is why I can make playoff claims in June...Blind faith.)

For Jackals Only

Jackal line of the Day:

"General surgeons are not intimidated by professional athletes. Like I told him, if I can cut somebody from the neck all the way down to the pubis with a scalpel, then I cannot be intimidated."

FUCKIN EH. I used to not like doctors. This guy I like.

Female Jackal

From VoiceMail's #1 Lady:

On Jun 25, 2009 11:09am, xxxxx@gmail.com> wrote:


Hello,

You may or may not consider this awesome image as a post, or part of a
post, on your Jackals "blog." I put blog in quotes b/c thus far the content
pertains to nobody but yourselves. Not that i'm criticizing ...

Color me Disappointed...

WTF Jackals. I thought we were Jackals. Is the Honeymoon over? I know we are busy getting awesome in our respective lives and states and jobs and mortgages and what not, but Fuckin-A can a Jackal post a comment or two? Not that I am not enjoying what we got going already. SS, Head, and Boog are definitely carrying their weight, but there is so much more hilarity to be had. I mean, this is an amazing thing we have here. The Den is a place where you can say whatever you want, keep in touch with your boys regardless of geography and plan.....next year's Mancation. Baleeve it!

Shaq and Lebron

So the Cavaliers have apparently acquired Shaq. Normally I don't care at all about the NBA, but I can't help but hope that this works out, mostly out of spite for Kobe. I suspect that Kobe is really pretty smug right now knowing that he's now won a title without Shaq and has the same number of rings as his former running mate, and it would make me pretty giddy if last month's title was basically wiped off the map from his perspective and he felt pressure anew to win another one. And also, I think it's kind of cool that Cleveland has gotten to have their hometown star playing for them, and it would be lame if he left for New York. Fuck New York - who needs to be in a big city to get exposure in this day and age?

On the other hand, I'm fairly skeptical that this is actually going to improve the team - it seems more like a fantasy basketball acquisition than a real one - and if it doesn't, another postseason failure could provide all the more incentive for Lebron to move on. (Though Shaq's deal does expire after this coming season, which could allow the Cavs to sign another player - Chris Bosh? - to keep Lebron around.) But seriously, fuck Kobe.

This should satisfy my quota of ESPN-style player personality! conflict! drama! sports commentary for the next year or two.

GCOTD: Michael Bay

What?!? The new Transformers movie licks Dirty Man Banus? You have to be kidding me? I can't imagine someone as talented as Michael Bay with such an amazing resume of great movies from Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II (Bad Boys I was awesome actually) to Transformers could produce a giant over produced piece of shit that the retarded masses would flock to see. 90% of these morons are going to see Megan Fox in various stages of undress, good luck with that the movie is PG-13. The rest like CGI and big explosions...think people who watch Spike TV and believe that the War in Iraq is 'Merica's justified response to 9/11. "Fuckin-A Shock 'n' Awe take dat Sadaam Hooosane! WMDs, not on our watch, maulfockers! U.S. Maulfockin Navy, damnit! BALLEEVVEE IT"

Congrats Michael you are today's Gay Clone.

Bitch.