Time to Bust a Nut

Memphis is so nasty. (”How nasty is Memphis?”) So nasty that’s no knockoff street shirt, but is in the official Memphis Tiger Bookstore.

College football arrives next week. Warm up your pimp hand over the weekend, and get ready to whoop the trick of your choice, playas and playettes.

WTF???? SELL OUT like a muthafucka

What the fuck... I mean really,  What the fuck is this?  Is this what we have to be subjected to?  Jackals need to start getting militant on this shit.  This makes me so angry I can see blood..

Fuck....everyone

When I see 0 Comments it makes me feel like less of a man.  Am I doing something wrong?  Am I as boring as I think I am?  Fuck ya'll  say something...shit say my post sucks.   I don't give a fuck.  Just say something.  Give a jackal some direction.  Scrimps crying about chopped trees?? Miss Universe???  Alec Baldwin....nothing???  really???

By the way if you are looking to get awesome but recession has you down I recommend the following:  

Yes, that picture is not an illusion.  It is 33.8 oz of beer in one can for $2.50.  I filled a draft glass 3 times with beer to spare.  Not to mention it is 5% Alc by Vol so you can get good and awesome on the cheap.  For Reaalllly  REAL though.   All I could think about whilst consuming this gargantuan beverage was what an amazing wizard staff it would make. But it appears that we have to abandon that trend because the masses have caught on and jackals have to stay on the forefront of getting awesomeness.  We need a new schtick for Mancation '10.

PS Chris Cooley - 73 yards....JASON CAMPBELL TD.....Believe in J.C.   Tom Brady hurt....again.

NFL is back Bitches!

BAALLEEEEVEE ITTT!!

Speaking of which...

Football season is a mere "TWO WEEKS" away. Howl.

Why Redskins Sports Talk Radio is Hilarious

Just last night the conversation was "Would the Redskins give up their two young wideouts(Devin Thomas and  Malcom Kelly) plus a first round draft pick for the headache pictured above. I want the dude in purple and black, but Ozzie Newsome isn't dumb enough to sell the farm. Somehow, Redskins faithful are of the mind that a high profile receiver will solve all of their woes. "BMR, why are you listening to Redskins Radio?" Because football is so fucking close I can taste it. But Redskins Radio tastes like vegetarian chicken strips.

GCOTD: Weird Environmentalists

I like trees as much as the next guy. Rocks, rivers, streams, oceans, fields, valleys and animals are great as well, but these extremists are making it quite unjackal to consider yourself an environmentalist. I mean really? You are really this upset about a tree? What happens if your family member dies. I hope I am not around for that. Something tells me that there may have been some other "natural" forces at work here. Types of substances usually reserved for Cirque de Soleil, Phish concerts, and road trips on motorcycles. Or in some jackals cases, Wednesday nights. All the more reason to stick to beer.



This whole green movement smells of ball cheese and hippie notions of things not possible in the real world. If you like trees, move to Montana and start a commune. I guarantee you will find alot of trees there and not alot of people. If that is your thing go for it.

I like visiting those places and I wish where I lived was more like it, but it is just not realistic. I also like being able to drive, not having to hunt for food, having a beer, watching football, having lights and running water, playing with my kid in the park, talking to other human beings, visiting with my family, and jackalin' it up with my jackals.

If you live on the East Coast, West Coast, Mid West, Dirty south, or anywhere else in this country with any kind of population then expect some urban sprawl, pollution, asshole mentality from others, Starbucks, Walmart, shopping centers, McMansions, tainted water, loss of trees, etc. etc. It pisses me off too, but it is bigger than any one jackal. You just have to take care of you and yours and do your best to not contribute to the problem. Tree funerals is just plain GAF. Go the fuck asleep you granola eating hippies.

Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?" "No, what?" "NOTHING!" hahaha

That Alec Baldwin reference from the previous post reminded me of one of the best movie scenes ever.  If you have not seen Glengarry Glen Ross do yourself a favor and watch it stat.  FUCKING CLASSIC.  If you have ever been in a sales job, or even if you just have a high pressure job, this shit is so dead on it is frightening.  This is back in the day when you could be a dick and get away with it, now jackals gotta hide underground in some blog using Brevs and aliases so they don't offend wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, co-workers, prostitutes, etc., etc.  As Alec says, hey world..."go fuck yo'self".

Jackal Movie Scene of the Day: Outside Providence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZBd--uzE28

This movie is quite jackal. It has Alec Baldwin playing an excellent character who addresses his son as "Dildo". There is Amy Smart(quite delicious), a three-legged dog and a hearty batch of drug references(key to cult film classics) If you haven't watched this movie yet, do so. You'll laugh like a bastard.

Talking about little baby jackals...

My phone rang...little Linux had dial my number...I laughed "kids are cute" I thought, Mr. Head locked the phone and put a password...problem solved...five minutes later, Little Linux calling me again! The baby Jackal had exploited a vulnerability on the firmware and hacked his dad's cellphone...


So I don't know what type of chasity belt you putting on little Jackalinas out there...but baby Jackals are fucking shit up Mcguavier style

It's a boy!!!

Take that Jackals!!!

Sensi-United States of America

This must sound a lot like Pontius trying to convince you to go to a D.C. United game, but this shit is in the mail. I'm no mathematician, but ninjas are doing time. I know letting them out will do some hurtin' to our workforce situation, but what put them in there is potentially a hundred billion dollar industry left for the black market. Hilarious, absolutely hilarious that a prescription will get you this, but the naturally occurring marijuana plant offers the same pain-killing properties, coupled with appetite stimulation, euphoria and it makes almost the entire Steely Dan collection sound, just tops.

And there's those damn medical benefits...



A more serious case can be made for my good friend, hemp. "Indeed, many of America’s forefathers, including George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, earned a living at one point in their lives growing and selling hemp, which was used to make everything from paper to rope to sails to clothing." - taken from here

Factoid #420(ha, no way! ha) -Unlike cotton, hemp does not require large doses of pesticides and herbicides as it is naturally resistant to pests and grows fast, crowding out weeds. To make paper, trees must grow for many years, while a field of hemp can be harvested in a few months and make four times the paper over a few decades. Also, making paper from hemp uses only a fraction of the chemicals required to turn trees into paper.

Not to mention, you can grow it in all of these fucking places...

If you're anything like me, you embrace a chance to tell Canada how much they suck. Here's one case where that is not true.

I'm not trying to be a flag burning hippie, I'm asking nicely to remove all of the otherwise law-abiding citizens out of our legal system(save $$$), stop making paper with trees (save Earth, $$$), tax legal marijuana(make $$$), and the day it shows up on a list as convincing as this one here, I'll change my mind. Barbara Bush, go the fuck asleep!

How much is this worth?

Poker is gambling and luck and let no fool tell you otherwise. Yes some skill is needed BUT the game does boil down to luck. (how is it that there isn't any midget prostitues around here? i am just saying) WHAT can make you jump up and run at 2am? What's more intense? what makes u skull fuck monitors?

POKER: The best card game ever (is it Jackal? I don't know but Bond played it, doest that count?)

Droppa Deuce: Droppin' Knowledge on the Depths of Evil of NJ

This is the lamest thing I have ever seen.  I can't figure out if it is claymation or real people.  If you can make it past 23 seconds of this you are the gayest fucking person that ever lived.

email from DD:

At what point does something like this go from shockingly bad- to unintentional art?

Discuss.

Droppa Deuce

PS- see if you can catch this little nugget: "I'm gonna make you come tonight (over to my house)."  Get it?  I know, it's subtle.

Friday (er Monday who cares) Hottie: Miss Universe

It looks like the Ukranian nominee is holding her head up because she is starving and about to pass out from lack of nourishment.


Yes I did watch Miss Universe last night (on mute).  No I am not ashamed.  This chick is way hot as were most of the rest of them.  No she can't speak English.  Yes I am OK with that.  god bless Donald Trump.  He may be a douche, but he knows talent.

JOTD: my dog

'nuff said

Fucking.....A: Nuggets call of the Century

Great Oden's Raven, this show is amazing...sorry I am so late to the party

"Kiss my ass and suck my dick....everyone."

Pam Oliver is now a fat ass bitch (FAB)

So, while killling time in between busting out the new madden and pounding highlifes, I tuned into the Cowboys/Titans game tonite, and saw a blimp.

Wtf happened to that fine ass dark skin girl who I never listened to, but always thought was hot?

Bitch be blowing up the sidelines!

I know I am not alone on this. If you saw her tonite, you would easily think she trebled (tripled, for the unlearned) in size in one season! How am I ever going to take care of business again watching a fox game with her on it.


In summary, fuck you, you Oprah ass ninja always changing sizes ninja and be blowing up and down like BMR's and BD#2's mom ninja, either stay trim and be on tv, or get fat and kill yourself, but not before appointing Melissa Starks your successor, or Jillian Barberie.

I'm Just Sayin'

Man that April O'Neill is one nice piece of aasssshhhh...actually not at all but you're right our fanaticism allowed for bad choices to be made. Remember this bad ass track?

JOTD: Elias "Casey Jones" Koteas

I know it's rare that we nominate a fictitious jackal for JOTD, but Casey Jones gets waived in that regard. I don't know where this guy ended up, but I do remember being an extremely jealous pre-teen boy when he managed to do the whop with Judith Hoag

Not that hot of a chick, but when you're fanatical about ninja turtles, you'll take what you can get. I just like the idea of a modern day "Robin Hood" armed with athletic equipment.

Friday Hottie: Watchmen Chick: Malin Akerman

I fully expected The Watchmen to blow as bad, if not more than, Transformers or 300 based on the trailer, but I have to say minus the dorky Stevenesque costumes it was quite jackal indeed. Excessive violence (including a meat cleaver to the Dome piece!) and cool storyline made it totally enjoyable to watch. Akin to Sin City or even Dark Knight but not as good as either. There was some male nudity which is never, I repeat never, acceptable in any form. So they lost major points there, but made up for it in full by gratuitous nudity of the oh so choice Malin Akerman.

Also as an addtional reason to enjoy, the Owl guy looks exactly like Yourmuthawasalooski with muscles...so there's that....maowfucker

Another movie worth a viewing is The Heartbreak Kid to get a glimpse of lovely Malin. She is the co-star. If you can still tolerate Ben Stiller (most can't), but Watchmen is a much better movie.

Full Disclosure: As a reformed childhood comic book geek, I am biased on saying something most would consider incredibly GAF is worth a viewing, but if nothing else rent it to watch the scenes with this chick. Good lord is it gratifying.

CALLIN' ALL MY REAL. LIVE JACKALS

So, somehow summer is already on its way out and what do we have to show for it? Very little jackal interaction north of the Mason Dixon, that's what.

I am trying to gauge interest for the annual (hopefully) PLompton Day cookout Ball DEEPs Residence on Labor Day Weekend.

I can promise you assorted meats prepared on the world's sh*tiest grill, a plethora of beverages, and olympic styled events such as beer swimming, car chasing and 'Merica yellin' at the fireworks display on PLompton Lake. If the MD/DC/VA Jackals are able to make the voyage, that will guarantee the awesomeness of said event.

If only the Skins/Giants game was that weekend it would be the perfect trip.

So let me know what you all think. Mrs. DEEP and I have not made a final decision on our Labor Day weekend plans (and we are actually invited to a BBQ in Maryland for my Grandfather's Bday) so if no one can make it is not a big deal, but let me know if you are interested and we can pop it off PLomptons style.

If you need a reminder/idea of how awesome it was here is the recap of last year:
http://jackalsunf.blogspot.com/2009/06/plompton-labor-day-2008-recap.html


PS - Sorry for the late notice.

PPPS - Depending on # of interested Jackals I will put out a date and time email.

PPPPPPPS - HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

Jackal Prophecy Fulfilled: Jackals See the Light

Jackals don't say "I told you so". That's not what this is about. It's about a free exchange of ideas and high velocity fecal and urine. My Jackals, as you stretch and yawn from your summer hibernation, be sure to keep your heads on their respective swivels. Bitch juice guzzlers are gunnin' your jackal ass day and night. Ouzo is not that bad by the second glass. I'll post tomorrow about how I feel at my 6:30am studio taping. I just wanted to say it was a long time coming, but I think haters/ninjas/doubters/eli's, whatever you want to call them, are starting to recognize the brute force that is, the Jackals Den. DO NOT SLEEP!

Gay Clone of the Day: Burress Giant Loser

Once again Creed's My Own Prison applies to one of my posts. Good Lord is Creed GAF. Almost as fucking gay as Burress shooting himself in a club and now going to Federal pound me in the ass prison for 2 years for it. As the Simpson's bully so poignantly says: HA!HA!

Here is what GAF Eli Manning had to say about it:

"duh....duh....I beat Paayyton eatin' Oreos twice...duh"

Giants be some SSSKKKKKKEEEEERRRRIIIMMPPPPSSS!!

PS GO SKINS!!!

I'M BACK...GO ASLEEP!!!!

Where has a jackal been?  Have you been lost without me?  Apparently so because shooting elephants falls under the weird category and TICO is basically photoshopping porn to get it in the Den.  

Not that I am complaining, I am happy to see that we are finally getting new posts and more Jackals doing their thing.   Although I now understand how all those other fools felt when this shit jumped off in the beginning.  A few days away and there is so much goodness that it is difficult to digest in one sitting.  Jackals are keeping shit live.  That's what this shit is all about. Let your balls hang out and say whatever the hell you want.  Shit, What Would Steven Do?? Blow off some steam of course.  

Here is what a jackal (note:  not ninja) has been up to these past few weeks during my absence from the Den.

You may remember the Windjammer as my post nuptials awesomefest in Stone Harbor, NJ. Note that all of the below all left our baby jackals at home in this picture (yep now that I am almost 30 this is considered getting awesome):

Respect your Jackal elders.  These Silver Foxes are rollin' propa.  Getting drunk with both pairs of in-laws??  Surely you jest??  No, my jackals...word is bond.

Pre-getting awesome at a wedding in Dirty Jerz.  The gift bags were Giants bags.  Ours mysteriously was torn up and thrown in the hallway by some drunkass jackal.
Showing these Northerners how to eat crabs.  Yes that is the mancation tshirt...again.
Me and Jackie catching some rays.
The kid I will be kicking the shit out of in 16 years for trying to hook up with my daughter.  Jackie's get-up courtesy of BMR.

How Many Posts Does It Take to Get to the Center of Rusty T.'s Pitch Black Demented Soul?

Just one.

Jackals FF League

SS expressed interest in this, and mentioned some others might be as well, contrary to my ninja boogers beliefs. I set up a 12 team league on yahoo and some of you got invitations. Anybody that didn't get one, send me an email if you are interested.

Nuggets? Are you around on Friday?

How do you think this baby got where he is? It wasn't easy, jackal brethren. Look at his steely eyes, his George W. Bush-like resolutionness. I wouldn't take shit from this baby unless I was his father and I had to change his diaper so my wife didn't make me a sexual hostage. But utmost importantly, Nugs, I'm going to be on Massachussetts Ave. Friday afternoon. Work should wrap up in the 2-3pm range. What do you say we go drop some servage on the ol' Salvadoron? I say we time it up with ScarShoulders getting off of work, maybe ol' Filthy, who knows? We could probably score a preseason football game. But we'll want to get the fuck out of Alexandria ASAP. If you got other top secret missions to choose to accept, it's cool, but notify this ninja. Jackals Day in Court: September 11, 2009(not a cruel joke, really the court date)

-BMR out

Boog Caught the Shaft

So any Jackal that KNOWS BMR knows how seriously this ninja approaches his dealings with the sandwich, the hoagie, the grinder and all bread-based food forms that inspire, clog arteries and generally jackal up the tables upon which we sup.

Now BMR has a rockin' cool office and there's a monthly "Throwdown", no joke it's called a throwdown. So I posed a challenge, a sandwich challenge. My opponent and I exchanged proper proportions of shit talk, but the day arrived. Boogers brought his A game, my ninjas. It was a massive Italian loaf, the spread was dubbed, "Maryland Blue Crab Backfin Roulade", romaine, red onion, banana pepper, jalapeno jack cheese, bacon and roasted turkey breast. Having never sampled the sandwich, I submitted it to a panel of judges. I handly captured the flavor portion of the judging, but somehow lost to an open-faced hors dourve or however the fuck you spell it on some kind of toast, prosciutto and oranges. Not sure why there was more than a flavor category, but it feels, to me, like I wasted $70.00.  No cash prize or anything, but madd heads complimented my sandwich. You tell me, turkey, bacon, pepper jack, banana peppers vs. prosciutto and oranges.

Wedskins Fans Awe Scawed

Saturday night I attended an epic birthday celebration for one Voicemail Nuggets.

During said celebration I was fortunate enough to sit with Pontius and CCQQ99 problems. 99 was laughing at the awesomeness that was being gotten and exclaimed "I can't wait for football season!!" Apparently he is only allowed to get awesome for birthdays and football, but I digress...

Then unprompted he shouted "shut the fuck up Lee, fuck you!" At this time Pontius punched me in the arm and was all "Dont say anything"

SS "I didn't"

Pontius "I know just don't it's Voicemails birthday. Lets just agree to 'Go Terps'"

This we toasted too, before Pontius babble and pleaded more for me to not talk shit about his team.

Jesus the fear is pathetic, almost as pathetic as getting rolled up 23-0 by the Ravens while the drop 500 yards on your ass on national TV after all your dumb ass fans proclaimed you were headed to the Super Bowl and had a great defense.

You loser's watching Monday Night Football right now? You see how a REAL TEAM handles their fucking business? Panthers get the ball, 3 and out.

Giants get the ball and are driving to score and a BS penalty call takes it away from them.

1 first down and punt for Panthers.

Giants march down the field for a TD.

That's how you handle your business and put in work.

and Zorn is a gay clone if I ever have seen one.

BALEEVE IT!

ps any jackal that wants to put a bottle of black label on the skins/giants game week one, bring it on

Intercontinental Road Trip

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/terrapins-insider/2009/08/neal_to_play_overseas.html

Lets go watch the Bear of College Park play basketball this winter in Northern Ireland.

"Long Pork" Cutz

Alright, you are trapped in an elevator with 2 other scrimps. You have been trapped for 5 hours. It is getting toward lunchtime, and you are hungry. You meet eyes with the only other man in the elevator, and make a motion towards the plump chick crying in the corner.

What part do you eat first? Personally, I think the biceps/triceps area would taste delicious, maybe like wings, if you could cook them, but chewy and satisfying if you had to eat it raw. List your choice cuts.

Also, the video above balances my hatred of Chris Matthews anti-american bashing by bashing the GOP, I guess. I just like to see people shoot elephants.

Informed American (Jackal) houses Chris Matthews

Whats this? An informed, armed, patriot, who doesn't make a fool of himself on tv, despite Matthews' hardon for hating guns , the 2nd Amendment, and America? Sounds pretty Jackal to me. Listen to Matthews keep pressing on, despite this Jackal's rational thoughts and reasons to protest.

Oh yeah, the quote from TJ was, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

Sorry for the pol. post, but this guy did handle himself pretty good, in the face of obvious liberal bias (fair and balanced, right, just like Fox). Feel free to email me to discuss more or to tell me to stf up. Or in BMR's case, to ninja ninja ninja be talking craka ninja ninja youre a terrorist ninja ninja this is change i voted for ninja ninja ninja it dont stop it just contin-ue ninja.

Next one will be about the best part of a human to eat if you were forced (or your wife didn't buy groceries and you were just really hungry) to go jackal and dine on some "long pork" as they called it back in pirate times.

This guy is the coolest.

After driving around for about a year without a/c I really miss that shit. Especially driving to a job interview and I be rolling w/tha pit stains. Maybe I should ninja rig something up like this?

Water; WTF you want?

Ok, so what is it about beach resorts, lakes and shit that they are so fucking relaxing? ...obviously water is a common thread here but what is it with water? Ok, we are 80% water, ok...we hanged out for 9 months under water ...ok...

Water, what the FUCK DO YOU WANT WITH US?

Jackal Undercover: Voicemail

When a ninja needs to commit ninjadom, who does he turn to? Does he turn to his blood-Jackal? A Jackal he can trust, possibly AS far as he can throw. So when BMR needed to drop papers a.k.a. "serva bitch", he called up his boy Nuggets, naturally. VM is one of the only Jackals to lay eyes on the target in question. If you're not familiar with Small Claims cases, Nuggets mission, since he chose to accept it, I kind of put him on the spot there, is to physically touch the ol' landlady with the "papers". I'm going to stake out and come up with a routine, I'm thinking binoculars, pork rinds, CB radio, I want to get Richard Dreyfus on this bitch.

VT Immortalizes Deron Washington Teabagging Greg Paulus

Yep, that is a picture on the wall in Virginia Tech basketball's new practice facility. I could not be more proud of my alma mater or my new (again) hometown. More on that last part in a few days - gotta get out from under all these boxes first.

BA-LEEVE IT

...is streaming on my desktop while I work. Don't sleep on John Lithgow. 

Fee Fi Fo Fuck Yo' Shit!

Jackals Den is fixin' for a Renaissance, bitch. The Den's been sleepier than BabyFace's hippie drummer buddies after partying every night and getting awesome and some degree, it's not certain which, of wet dick getting. In more recent JackalNews, Rusty T. has been showing up some veterans around the Den. Pontius' Senior was pretty awesome on H Street last weekend. It's quite possible BMR & SS got a glimpse of the elusive non-profit vixen that's making a volunteer out of Pontius. SS scored a double introduction, which is almost unheard of. Ball Deep is gettin' Jersey Shore on a bitch. Not much from him, but I'm willing to bet Madolo and Donnie Darko are holdin' down the Windjammer. Let's turn our short attention span toward the one we call Voicemail. This past weekend saw the first chink in his armor. Dude denied awesome getters, namely one of the poorest attended housewarming parties in millenia for a Natinals game with his future mother-in-law. The following night, VM shot down a backyard BBQ, then proceeded to textvite ninjas to roll through HIS dojo and asked THEM to bring the sake. Now the BBQ was quite marriage-laden and wrapped up madd early, but still. Miller and I proceeded to Hooters(you would think this place is jackal, but it comes across as artificial jackaldom in practice) and watched the UFC. Head, The Wiz, sorry to hear about your gay genes.

What Voicemall and I Did When We Got 130 cans of Rooster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rZ9wAhEuf4


Is going around the College Park campus, scouring through trash for free coupons for Rooster (snuff tobacco, for the uninitiated) , and then returning to our dorms with 4 logs (10 cans per log) each awesome, or just plain ninja ninja ninja ninja ninja wutanging joints ninja? Or is the fact that we got them in the fall, and by spring break, they were all gone the awesome part? Maybe it was making Scar Shouldaz ride the Rooster every time he got wasted, and every time that ninja ninja bo-binja fe fi foe ninja yakked!

Either way, thank you whoever the fuck that ninja ninja ninja salami ninja was that decided giving free cans of snuff to college students was a good idea, because it sure as shit was.

LIFE Gay clones: Referees

Can you imagine the ladders it is to climb to go up to refeere any sport?

The time, the shit, 20 or 30 years of refeering...for what? For some autographs and shit? NAH DUDE, motherfuckers are there to make sure you don't cover that shit.

We need to *take care* of these guys, a couple of refs go missing and they'll be scared straight.

p.s. And NO I am not fucking putting up pictures of any fat fuck refeeres...alive anyway