JOTD: Ramajit Raghav

Aww shnap. This dusty old jackal's boys can swim. He snatched up some skins on some sexual healing. This dude found some mud for his turtle. Does anyone else think it's weird that some 'Mericans half this jackal's age need to take drugs to get ready to lay pipe? How about drugs that make you thin, make you sleep, make you poop, make you eat, etc.? Yo, Ramajit, keep fucking that chicken, you wrinkly jackal.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: NYC DOT

JOTD: Jon Stewart

I remember Jon Stewart addressing this a few times this past fall. Bill O'Reilly, eat your fucking heart out.

Boogers' Wide World of Sports

The Baltimore Ravens are back in the playoffs. With a gutsy divisional win on the road, the Ravens put all pressure to win the division and host a home playoff game back on the Steelers' shoulders, to beat the same team and maybe without their star safety, Troy Rides-A-Polamalu(at least that's what SS calls a ninja). The win was not easy, the Baltimore long snapper shredded his knee early in the game and played through significant pain. Apparently, the linebacker Tavares Gooden played through a dislocated shoulder, but such is the character of the players in the locker room. There were a few times where Cleveland got a few things going until the Ravens' star safety Ed Reed put a mother fucker to sleep. I was excited about the win so I threw on Ravens talk radio, but all the callers were bitching about the "quality" of the win and how the offense "sucks". I love Baltimore. I'm thinking something along the lines of Cam Cameron and his "conservative" play calls, some fans would like the Ravens to show all our offensive tricks two weeks before the playoffs with a 10 point lead. I do want a lot more Boldin, but his day draws quite near. Oh yes. Quite near.

Despite all the good news, it appears Ravens' top draft pick, 2nd rounder Sergio Kindle really is a total fucking idiot. After some rough news last week and a teammate telling him to be positive, he let everyone know that this, this and this were no fluke combination of luck or planetary alignment or anything.

Eli Manning is a clone. Shoulders, my mom called you out for being a fan of an out-of-state team today. I'm just sayin'.

In ice hockey news, main mother fucking jackal, Alex fucking Ovechkin's goal-less drought comes to an end on the same night Sadney Crysby's point streak ends. Senators are up 3-0 on the Penisguins as I post this.

Friday Hottie(Merry Christmas, if you're Jewish, hopefully you're not gay too): Rosie Jones

Keeping It Jackal: Hockey

T-Large, good looking out on this one. BD two times is gonna shit himself. Unless, as SS pointed out, I'm getting the much maligned double post on.

KFTC: The Media

You're right, the sky is falling.



Keep fucking that chicken. Anyone plan on giving my main jackal, Barack, some DAP?

Happy Festivus

Best site ever!

JOTD: Crazy Pat and Mikey

These ninjas are retarded. They invite me out to watch football on Sunday and next thing you know we have a $500 bar tab and 2 of the 5 people that came with us are cut off by the bartender. Mikey did the Dougie and not once was music playing in the bar. Never ever have I ever been around two Jackals so capable of dumb shenanigans that weren't Boogers McRib and myself. I didn't even mention that fact they introduced me to this awesome website/service. JTFC. Howl.

Jackal to Jackal Callout: Year End Edition

BD2, where you at? I know you're busy trying to go completely insane(married a Jersey girl, living in Jersey, soon to be father of two Jersey girls of your own) and what not, but you ain't been up in the Den in quite some time. You're suspect. Fortunately, you don't post on 'Straight Outta Plompton' anymore, so I know that's not the case, and how grateful we are for all of that.

Epstein, I hate yo' sorry ass. For real.

Head, I got you and billhicksmostfunny going pretty good, huh? You know your son is named Linus, right?

SS, you government pawn, get your ass on the Droid and drop some jackalisms.

Tico, it's really great that the Friday Hotties always bring you back. It really is. It's just, your grammar is so horrible and your comments so appallingly hilarious, I was wondering if you could find a way to get in the Den a little more frequently.

Steven, take your shirt off. Relax.

BabyFace, you're still in college! You probably(might be giving you too much credit here) experience events worty of posting on the Den daily. Weekly? More so than a bunch of married dudes taking Rogaine, chasing their kids around. What's your excuse? Oh right, the Moinkoffs...

billhicksmostfunny, I can't imagine how badly I would want to kill a bus load of children after wheeling them around all day. How do you not need to vent? I know you're stuck in perpetual darkness for the time being, but what the fuck? Get in the Den!

Go To Sleep: Brett Favre

 Go to fucking asleep, Brett Favre.

JOTD: Cory Redding

Last week, this former Seahawk, and Terp, holler at your boy, SS(BMR might start to give a shit about college football) sealed a Raven's victory. Today it was this former Seahawk(watch Josh Wilson celebrate with him immediately), and former Detroit Lion(JTFC, right?), who keep in mind has never played on a playoff team before. Seattle must be pissed, Ozzie gave up very little on the trades and then they also signed Houshmandzadeh for the league minimum. Seattle, what the fuck is your front office doing? This is a team of destiny. I feel like I'm already watching the NFL Films hour long special.

Friday Hottie: Mariana Davalos

 Here's Mariana with her twin sister, Camilla. You can believe their dad totally hates himself.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Big Tobacco

Quitting is the right thing to do, isn't it? I want to quit. Millions of smokers do. When you go to buy the patch though, you're shocked to find out how much it costs. Long term, it's the right thing to do, but in the short term, is a smoker more likely to spend 7/8$ or 60$?

I'm convinced NicoDerm and R.J. Reynolds are in fuckin' cahoots. This is the type of bullshit, along with everything else on the Den I vent about constantly, that makes BMR smoke in the first place. Keep fucking that chicken.

Apocalypse How: Middle East

Oh fuck.



* Let this play to the end or fast forward, there are about 10 George W. Bushisms that are fuckin' priceless.

GCOTD: Sal Alosi

Are you fucking kidding me? You fucking stick your knee out and jack up a rookie, a former Terp who missed all of his senior year with a broken leg. Fuck you very much Sal Alosi. Buy and sell steroids and HGH, spot dudes while they're lifting, massage their groins, do whatever the fuck it is you do but don't go touching real football players on the field. Know your fucking role clone.

WTF: College Coaching Hires

So Miami hires Al Golden, most recently of Temple? And Vanderbilt gets* Gus Malzahn?!

If he skips out on calling the Championship Game in favor of his newfound responsibilities with the Commodores, you have my sympathies, Mr. Shote Sleeves.

Oh, congratulations, though.

* Okay, perhaps not. But probably.

JOTD: Crazy Pat

Friday night I was out and about doing my thing... Drink a beer here, holler shorty there, say what's up to the DJ, get a bunch of random people to all come out to the same place, cut some rug with BMR, you know, the usual... And then I started to attempt to make a mistake that would drastically alter the landscape of the Universe as I know it. Details cannot be discussed on the interweb but I must publicly thank Crazy Pat for protecting me from myself EVEN THOUGH he would have had about 10,000,000 laughs at my expense if I continued down the path I was considering. Thank you sir for holding a Jackal down. Seriously.

And double seriously we WILL NOT DISCUSS DETAILS OF THIS ON THE DEN. I will go Scar Saddam on your asses. Offline we can laugh about it a ton though.

Friday Hottie: Melina Pitra

Paging Dr. Kevorkian...

Ok, that's a bit harsh, but look at that woman's leg and foot. She's about to burst 'Seven' style. Get her weight down so what? So she can fit in an MRI and find out why she has headaches(Oh, I don't know, maybe because she's 78% body fat?), so what? She can learn she popped a blood vessel and it's going to kill her if her gigantic ass doesn't beat it to the punch? Look at the freaking medicine cabinet she's accumulated! Come on out back, Yeller. JTFC.

Go To Sleep: Wal-Mart

Oh, I hope they take these fuckers down. I hope they win big and the 'Wal-Mart Collapse' signals an end to wasteful America funneling their cash into Chinese and other foreign-made goods. I know that won't happen, but a jackal can dream. It goes to show, if you make it big enough in America, someone will fucking sue your ass.

WTF?: Ravens "Statement" Games

A few weeks back, Ravens head coach and one jackal motherfucker, John Harbaugh, wondered aloud "why the Ravens don't get a non-Sunday, home game in primetime", as if he and his team were slighted in some regard to going on the road for marquee matchups. When you consistently fail to make a statement in those games, however, you can see why someone might not put you first in line. Denver(MNF 2 seasons ago), Green Bay(MNF last year), Atlanta(NFL Network), Tom Brady/Ben Roethlisberger/Payton Manning, get up for these games, yo! Next Monday, my boys get another chance, MNF, primetime, nationally-televised, but it's against Houston. That's not a statement. Well, it is if they don't win.

JOTD: Bob Menendez/Democrats w/ Balls

It kind of makes you wonder why we even fucking bother.

JOTD: K-OS

How fucking bumping is this shit?

Friday Hottie: Leah Dizon

Wow.

Friday Hottie (A day early bc Jackals r getting strapped and economical and shit)

Mexican Hottie

WTF?: Diddy is Funny?

KFTCTTBFO: GOP

I never thought I would use this godforsaken acronym, but BMR already had these guys banging poultry today (with good reason) and I just couldn't wait until tomorrow to post this.

This is, in one chart, what the debate over the Bush tax cuts is all about:The blue is what everyone saves per year under the Democrats partial repeal, which passed the House today (and I think is a bad idea anyway, though obviously not as bad as the GOP plan). The red is what would be tacked on by the GOP's full extension, except that the last bar, for those making $1 million or more a year, which actually should go up over $100,000 - there just wasn't room to fit it without destroying the rest of the graph.

And we're arguing about this when either policy would hugely increase the national debt, while at the same time freezing federal pay, letting unemployment benefits expire, and receiving new deficit-reduction proposals virtually every day.

Wow I fucking hate U.S. politics sometimes.

JOTD: BMR

That's right. Boog took bhmf's complaint straight to the source. He never got back to me.