Funny Shit: Right Wing Radio Duck

KFTC: FoxNews

J(s)OTD: Josh Wilson/John Cusack

"I couldn't be happier." Neither could we, Josh.

That's what's up. Some depth at corner and from an Upper Marlboro, MD native, College Park graduate. Jealous, Shoulders? I'll bet you are. I'll bet the Ravens fan inside of you is boiling right now. Pissed at how you grew up in Howard County, deprived of hometown football. It's here, my friend. Eli Manning is a pussy. You know this to be true.

In other news, it appears John Cusack is the motherfuckin' man. What you absolutely will love is the tone of that Fox article and how seriously it weighs the threats of mentally unstable people mindlessly killing off FoxNews and GOP candidates like zombies in a trance.

Jackal Movie of the Day: Machete(unreleased)

This movie looks jackal as fuck. What's really hilarious is ultra conservatives think it's going to cause Mexican Americans to mount an offensive of civil unrest in the wake of Arizona's recent legislation. I haven't watched the Alex Jones YouTube video yet, but I plan on doing so on a portable device as I repel down the side of his house with a machete to kill him while he sleeps. This cast is ridiculous, it includes Don Johnson. I didn't even think that guy was still alive, but Rodriguez is taking one from Tarantino's book and resurrecting an 80s legend to modern day glory. DeNiro, Alba(yum), this crazy Mexican guy with a bunch of scars and jackal looking stuff, some other hot chick whose last name is Rodriguez(check for citizenship), watch the trailer, it's fucking hilarious. Alex Jones, get a good meal tonight. You're a dead man.

Well, well, well, Boogers Speak da Troof?

Head,

Please tell me what the fuck the Republicans are doing. Between NPR and the Daily Show, I've pieced it together, but I was hoping you could break it down in smartpeoplese.

GCOTD: Alex Jones

Someone please kill this man.

Seriously, as I wrote in the email to your 'Contact' section on your web page, move to Texas and die. Quit brainwashing Americans, the people who listen to you and believe you are the same type of people Al-Qaeda recruits and mobilizes to "kill infidels". Why don't you take a listen to John Brennan, Assistant to the President and Deputy National Security Advisor for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism? Quit helping the enemy, CLONE!

Cable News, Get Some Lube. You're About To Get Fucked

Who's ready to throw up in their own mouth on a nightly basis?

Confusing situation: Rich dude + busted ass hoes = BD2 confused

If I had billions of dollars, was an amazingly talented athlete, had global fame and recognition, yachts, houses, money, intelligence and my own brand I admit things would be different for me. It would probably allow me to have temptations that normal plebs will never encounter.

But why on earth did Tiger pick nasty tramps to cheat with? He could have had anyone. Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, etc. etc. Why these nasty bitches??

Was he sick of being part of a sport owned, run by and supported by a bunch of rich white dudes and putting up a Bryant Gumble front?

"Hey gang, I love tennis, golf, polo and cashmere sweaters and other
white people things and use proper English and golly do I love a nice ice cream on a warm day. "

Only to jackal it up and wild out on the town with strippers in the shadows so he wouldn't lose the green jackets the stuffy white dudes gave him? If so that is cool, but jesus man don't sleep with the tramps. If I was a woman and made like $12 an hour as a cocktail waitress and Tiger woods banged me, best believe I would do an interview with the today show for $150K. You should know that...dumbass.

Your wife is hot (sort of....kinda has a dude jaw) and if you don't like her you could always trade her in for a new model in like 10-15 years like most respectable famous people do. It is sort of hard to feel bad for him because if you cheat you are going to get caught. Bottom line. You always get caught. Even if you work at the night shift at McDonalds, you are going to get caught. Women bleed for days and don't die. Dem bitches is crazy, yo! You are rich, you had a pre-nup. If you didnt like her then dump her. Cheating is for sucks. That said, I do feel bad for Tiger (even though I don't really like him at all.) This media is out of control. So many scrimps a jackal is drownin' in dis bitch.

So Tiger, I hope you are on your yacht in Sweden chillin' with some Swedish bitches, because deez fools have gone crazy over here in 'Merica.

PS - In case anyone cares there is still real news going on NPR radio, Bloomberg and one or two remaining real news sources.