Boogerdamus: Mavericks Finally Get Dirk A Ring

I hate the NBA, don't get a ninja wrong. Mark Cuban is GAF, but he's a good owner. David Stern is one of the nation's most pronounced clones and that's a very small part of my rationale behind investing any amount of my interest in a Dallas Mavericks playoff run. The Wizard transplants Stephenson and Butler help, but Haywood is still soft as fuck. Dirk deserves this shit. It's rare that I think an NBA player deserves anything, but this is an exception. Boogerdamus has spoken.

NBC's Wet Dream

NBC, go fuck yourself. You got what you wanted.

USA USA USA

6-0 In the 1st? Hey, Canada, We're Your Fuckin' Huckleberry!

Canada, how about you win later on so you have to play the US for gold? Then we'll bend you over on your home ice. We're the cirrhosis-laden Doc Holliday and you're broke ass Curly Bill.

Ryan Miller has a shitty haircut in this picture, but 'dem colors don't run.

P.S. While I was posting this, the score went from 3-0 to 6-0. That, my friends, is JAF. Do Not Sleep.

What Republicans Are Up To

BMR, you asked "what the fuck Republicans are doing"? It's relatively simple: They don't see any electoral benefit in supporting anything Democrats do. If bills pass, the majority gets credit for them, which helps Democrats in November. If bills don't pass and Washington is seen as ineffective, the majority party gets punished in November. So the Republicans are doing everything they can to ensure that the latter is the case.

This is exacerbated by Obama's campaign focus on bipartisanship and reforming Washington, which means he'll get extra credit from the public if he is seen as actually delivering bipartisanship. And the GOP obviously doesn't want that.

A key problem here is that the filibuster gives the minority party a means of obstructing bills that have a majority of votes and the public doesn't necessarily understand this, so the majority often still gets punished. In some ways, the Democrats' 60-vote supermajority may have made this worse, because even informed members of the public could ask "well, you guys have the votes you need, so why are you complaining?" We may have seen this effect a little bit when a handful of Republicans joined with Democrats to pass the HIRE act; I'm assuming that they felt the pressure of the bill's potential failure if they didn't vote for it. The crazy thing is that, after 5 Republicans joined with Democrats in voting for cloture, THIRTEEN Republicans voted for the bill's passage. This particularly ironic screengrab from Lamar Alexander's (R-TN) website pretty much sums it up:

The HIRE Act and the "Partisan Jobs Bill" are the same thing. The ironic thing is that this bill was (1) an effort to create jobs in the worst economy in 75 years and (2) was composed almost entirely of tax cuts and credits. In other words, there was virtually no rationale for this bill not passing with massive (think 90+ votes) majorities.

In summary:

• Republicans know that helping Obama hurts them, so they're not doing it, even on bills that make a ridiculous amount of sense.
• Democrats are pussies for not passing their shit with the massive majorities they had.
• Republicans' "no-to-everything" strategy may not work anymore because they now can actually block everything, as opposed to just slowing everything down. Of course, actually voting for things also may not work because they may turn on themselves.
  

Well, well, well, Boogers Speak da Troof?

Head,

Please tell me what the fuck the Republicans are doing. Between NPR and the Daily Show, I've pieced it together, but I was hoping you could break it down in smartpeoplese.

GCOTD: Pontius

GMAIL TRANSCRIPT Pontius                to BD2, BMR, SS(notice no CQ99, who also loves to 'Reply All', but apparently Pontius needs to stay on his good side)

show details 8:14 PM (1 hour ago)

Please hold off on this shit(Please 'Reply All' as much as you can). I don't have the time or the patience (if you do 'Reply All', I will continue to solidify my clone status). There are a lot of diferent groups on here (everyone on this email chain knows what a wet blanket I am already), and the inside jokes don't translate well/get old quick when you're not in on them (how am I supposed to be funny if you guys keep upstaging the fuck out of me?). That all said, can't wait to see you all, it's been to long (I can't wait to sit back and watch you three jackals have a blast while I judge you silently).

Sent from my iPhone (aka conveyed smugness without the need to type)

Begin forwarded message:

GCOTD Movie Edition: Cop Out

So it is possible to have a movie trailer composed entirely of famous quotes from other movies that DON'T completely suck ass.

Stab me in the face: GCOTDecade: These shitheads from Nick Jr

Do you have a kid? (Head would know what I am referring to but his kid is probably reading calculus books and eating hemp burgers.) No, well if you did you would know the agony of sitting through the Fresh Beat Band. Watch from 52 seconds. The white kid raps....un-fucking-believable



PS If you do have a baby jackal let them watch Yo Gabba Gabba...It's way better the producers definitely did hallucinogenic drugs.

PPS the redhead is sort of hot in a "I'd like to smash your head with the claw end of a hammer" sort of way. Original BD knows what the fuck I am talkin' about.

Jackal Query: Kyle Got Digits

Dude, ninja, does a jackal remember the last time Boogers got interns in his office? He's got another one for the spring, we'll call him 'Kyle', for lack of a better alias. Kyle's got his 'ESS AICH' together, but maybe a screw loose here or there. He had some questions for your boy BMR, but dude is hella busy these days. I figured I would forward his inquiry into the Den, get a couple jackals on the case.

So Kyle got some digits over the weekend and he wants to impress the young lady. He's also compelled to keep it jackal. Could the Den offer up some suggestions for Kyle's first date?

JOTD: General Greivis

2000 points, 700 dimes, 600 boards, only player in ACC history to do so. Top story on ESPNs home page. Carrying my red hot boys into the postseason.

VIVA EL CALLEJERO!!

Canada, We're Better At Your Sport Than You Are. Ba Leeve It.

Ninjas that don't know get put to sleep. Sadney Crysby is a bitch. The U21 beat that ass in the gold medal game. It looks like the big boys just bumped you out of the real dance. American Hockey > Canadian Hockey.

WTF???!!!!

if you dare watch past 33 seconds...GAF

Jackalympics

Yes, RTB/OBD, but...

Soleil Moon Frye, spell that mamba jamba, was a child. Those Olsen twins would be righteous if they'd eat a couple deer loins or sumpin'.

Stick to what you know

After fiddling with the Comic Life shit for over an hour I realize that I can better contribute to the Den my own way...

So I am throwing in the towel before I end up like the comic equivalent of this guy:

(I cannot believe he is still punching...)
or Sharon Stone playing the hologram bitch from Total Recall here:


PS Boog you be obsessed with some brunettes homey. You gotta diversify your porfolio son!

To continue with the 80's theme, and to top BMR's previous post

I present- Punky Brewster- another 80's chick who is way hotter that Allysa however the fuck you spell her name Milano. Don't get me wrong, she is still hot, just my bitch is way hotter.

Ole dirty getting back in touch.

Kicking it 80's now.

If yall ninjas have not seen this whole movie, watch it. Rowdy Roddy Pipper shoots aliens, then fights this guy, who I never know his name, but always plays the crazy black guy in movies. This is the penultimate (yes I used that word right) moment in this movie, the denouement you could say. Watch this shit.

Also, a longer term goal of mine is to build a truck like this for you old-school 1980s mother fuckers out there-

Wow, screwed that placement up. Either way, its the fall guy truck. Off to drink more MHL's . Holla.

Get Your Drugs Ready!

Friday Hottie: Alyssa Milano

I'm thinking the 'Who's The Boss?' craze was kicked off by perverts just going through the motions, finding the high school girl of the TV household, a la Christina Applegate. Come to think of it, any chick in the 80s is damn hard to find attractive the way they once were. Go to the early 90s and have yourself some Kelly Kepowski, you feel bad as shit until you think about slutty '90210' Kelly Kepowski. Anyhoo, Alyssa Milano started as the token teenage hot female on a sitcom and has since gotten hotter every year she's been alive. That's a rant for ya, Alyssa Milano, aging like the finest of wines...

Comic Off 2010 Round 1

Here are the ground rules gentlemen. Your comic is due in my gmail inbox by midnight EST Friday night. Both comics will be posted anonymously Friday morning with voting throughout the weekend. The author of the comics will not be revealed until after the first round is completed. Please include any tags you would apply to the comic as well as the title. Comics will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being Clay Aiken, 10 being Anubis. Enough bullshit...



Fighting out of the sticky icky green corner, weighing in at 145 pounds soaking wet. Representing Northeast DC. Trained by Brodie, sponsored by Dales Pale Ale. The reigning Comic Off Welterweight champion. In the purple and black hemp shorts with the box of tissues. Booooooooooooooooooooogers I'M JUST SAYIN MCRIIIIIIIIIIIIBBBB!!!!!!!

The challenger, fighting out of the burgundy and gold corner. Representing the mean streets of Plompton New Jersey. Weighing in at a newly manly weight of 175 pounds. With his daughter Jackie tattooed accross his forehead, trained by the ghost of Droppa Duece, and sponsored by YouTube. Baaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll STAIGHT OUTTA PLOMPTON DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your theme Gentleman... The members of the Jackals Den competing at the Ancient Olympiad.

Jackal Showdown: BD2 vs. BMR Comic Off

What do you say, BD2? Care to make it interesting?

Live from corporate brainwashing...

I am in a room with by my estimate 800 colleagues. There are 9 such rooms in this hotel. The first speaker opened with a joke about al gore, the snow storm, and global warming not existing.

This will go until 6PM.

Kill me. Sweet mother of Anubis make me dead. Behead me. Tear my heart out and set it on fire.

Make.
Me.
Dead.

PLEASE......

Eat UNF Shittsburg!!

You may recall a certain Shittsburg powder blue t-shirt incident a few weeks back. BallDEEP was in a bad way and to cap it all off, some little maulfucker at NHLShop thought it might be cute to send me, a newly appointed Caps fan and hockey aficionado (an perhaps more importantly...a jackal), an arch rival's garb as a form of comedic relief for their sorry existence.

Well Mr. NHLShop employee, the joke is on you my friend. You see...not only do I now have said Caps related apparel, but the now disgraced powder blue shitrag you sent me has been returned to you in exchange for my $17.97 I originally paid you.

Imagine employee standing in disbelief staring at the $18 in his hand and destroyed t-shirt *EDIT (packaging...dick) in the other right now...now imagine me grabbing in an aggressive manner and exclaming "Yoink!"

Dear Mr. BallDEEP:

Thank you for shopping at Shop.NHL.com, The Official Shop of the NHL.
Your business is important to us.

We have processed your return and issued credit for order XXX-XXX, which
includes the following item(s):

Item: XXXX
Description: UNF'd T-shirt for our bitch ass

Quantity: 1- @ $ 17.97

Sub-Total: $ 17.97-
Total Credit: $ 17.97-

You sir, have been served.

I'm Just Sayin'

Comment of the Month Award

Drinkin caucasians and watching hockey?

Scar shoulders abides.

Dartmouth is representing!

With dudes dressed as chicks on Jeopardy making hilarious remarks...

Jackal in Hiding: BD2

Now that full disclosure revealed BD2's whereabouts and affinity for working from home, where there clearly is no obstructing his Den time, how long until he posts? Does he not know 'Another YouTube From BallDeep' is no longer the most recurring label on the Den? Does he care? He didn't know the Caps played at noon on national TV on Sunday and nearly missed the best hockey game of the season. Where would he be without BMR's youthful guidance? Is he the Caps lucky charm? These questions and more. BD2, where are you?


P.S. Check out Lindsay Czarniak's fine self making fun of Crosby. Do you see that Sidney? A woman, a very beautiful woman is calling you a crybaby. Psst, BD2, she's a 'Skins fan too.

Dead dog?

Or just sick of the snow? You decide...

GCOTD: Alex Jones

Someone please kill this man.

Seriously, as I wrote in the email to your 'Contact' section on your web page, move to Texas and die. Quit brainwashing Americans, the people who listen to you and believe you are the same type of people Al-Qaeda recruits and mobilizes to "kill infidels". Why don't you take a listen to John Brennan, Assistant to the President and Deputy National Security Advisor for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism? Quit helping the enemy, CLONE!

Jackal Juxtaposition: Terps+Caps=Awesome

It's so fuckin' awesome when the Caps and Terps play on the same day that it causes your boy BMR to get fuckin' awesome. When it happens on a weeknight? God bless.

Here's a few instances:

12/12/2009 12/22/2009 1/12/2010 1/19/2010 1/23/2010 1/26/2010 1/31/2010 2/4/2010 2/7/2010 2/10/2010(canceled because UVA Cavs guzzle bitch juice) 2/13/2010

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiinoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Love the look on all the UNC players faces. Terps can't be faded.

Holy Fucking shit: Jackal

This is another one of those instances when something being named Jackal doesn't necessarily mean it's Jackal. If you can make it past 3 seconds on either of these you made it further than me. It seems Danish folks are better at creating hot women and beer then they are at creating good music.

That "Vague Visions" album cover is so badass I just sharted a little. It would make quite an awesome T-shirt, mug or tattoo that is for damn sure.

Who's your daddy?

If you ask Roy Williams that question he is legally required to answer "Gary Williams". Let go to the videotape, results are for MD from the wonderful kenpom.com:

Sun Feb 25 2007 (1) North Carolina W, 89-87 79 Home 22-7 8-6
Sat Jan 19 2008(4) North Carolina W, 82-80 75 Away 12-7 2-2
Tue Feb 3 2009 (1) North Carolina L, 108-91 82 Away 14-8 3-5
Sat Feb 21 2009 (1) North Carolina W, 88-85 80 OT Home 17-9 6-6
Sun Feb 7 2010 (62) North Carolina W, 92-71 77 Home 16-6 6-2

That's 4 of 5 boys and girls. MDs record during this stretch is 81-44, UNCs 114-24. So yeah Roy Williams, to be perfectly honest, you can't carry Gary's jock. And just for fun the only postseason meeting 97-88 in Hotlanta. Suck one UNC, U Need Coaching indeed.

Ouch

Ouch:

"Hey I'm sure when Peyton Manning was growing up he always wanted to throw the TD pass that gave the Saints a Super Bowl win. Now he has"

At the same time, I'm not really interested in hearing idiot talking heads reduce this to performance under pressure and guts and whatever. Sean Payton made great decisions, Drew Brees was Drew Brees, Peyton Manning was Peyton Manning + one dumb read, and Tracy Porter made a fantastic play. One good team beat another, and a great player made a bad decision - it happens. Someone had to win, right?

With that said, I spent a couple days in New Orleans last week and it's hard not to be really happy for those people, who are just completely insane about this Saints team.

Oh, and this is unrelated, but I'm headed to Los Angeles tomorrow, so I'll just point this out now: Just in case anyone is wondering, Sarah Palin is still fucking retarded.

Addendum: Chris Berman just said that the Saints decision to go for it on 4th and goal from the 2 didn't work out. Really?? Did he not notice that they got the field goal anyway as a result of the Colts' shitty field position that resulted from the decision? If there was one thing that confused me about that sequence, it was the Colts trying to run out the clock rather than trying to go get points of their own.

Six Nations Rugby: Calling All Irish

It's fuckin' on.

Great sign at the game

U
Need
Coaching

I'm Just Sayin': Ovechkin-3, Crosby-2

Sorry, NBC, we all know your clone asses were dyin' to suck Lil' Sidney's baby nuts today. Well, it ain't happenin'. BabyFace done dropped science all up in the Den. Took it to a whole new, gorey level, which kind of freaked me out at first, but then I was like, "Oh that's JAF." God help you if you didn't watch that fuckin' game. Shoulders, you're off the hook, because you stratight up walked to college park to UNF all over Roy's boys. It looked like it was all Shittsburgh early on. Two Crosby goals, and two from Staal, I think. The third period started with a 5 on 3 for Pittsbugh, looking to increase their two goal lead. Caps killed that penalty and I told BD2 how fuckin' crucial that was, didn't I BD2? Ovechkin with the hat trick, including this beauty that broke the goal cam. Main man hooked up the assist on the game winner in OT to boot. Go the fuck to sleep. Fifteen sounds about good as a mawlfucker. 11 straight at home.

Oh yeah, funny side note. I have this really annoying Shittsburgh fan, who thinks it's just tops to talk trash via text message, Pontius may know who I'm referring to, VM sure does, but said Pennsyltuckyan was all about conversation when the Pens were up until the 3rd period. At one point though, I may or may not have told her I would throw a brick through the window of her place of business. So when we won in OT, I told her I was still going to throw the brick. Obviously, I won't cause she is my friend, but it felt awesome.

For the love of the game, Part 2

This snow storm is all hype. I don't know what all the fuss is about. You think MoCo not plowing my street is gonna keep me from going to watch MD prison rape UNC?

View Larger Map

No chance homey. If Pop Dukes bails and SS has to walk, he will walk. He will walk and blog via Droid. Baleeve it.

GCOTD: Jim Kosek

I have to be careful with this one, dude might be a clone to the masses, but a jackal behind closed doors. One thing is certain, it takes a rare breed to act this much the fool on cable television. Meterologists have a pretty tough gig, Doplar, barometer, precipitation, humidity, etc. Suffice it to say it takes a tough man to make a tender forecast, but what sort of forecast is this? This was originally aired when the storm was upgraded from crippling to Christopher Reeves.

Jackal Come Lately: Mike Green; Jackal After All?

Wow, I feel a little bit like the dude who dropped the 'n' word at a party when he forgot there was one black guy hanging out. I venture to say Mike Green is JAF. Empty netter put the Thrashers to sleep. Sidney, did you pack your lucky blankey? Fuck yo shit

Jackal Beverage: Great Divide Titan IPA

BMR you would dig this shizzle. Another Denver Brewing company dropping science on an damn good India Pale Ale...7.1 %ABV ballleeevve iit

I would have fipped the picture but I am too lazy and the Titan is treating me right so I don't care.

PS LET"S GO CAPS!

Friday Hottie: Monica Bellucci