KFTC: The Federal Reserve

Good news! Everyone claiming doom and gloom in the economic news can suck it. Ben Bernanke is on the case. 

"At this point, we're not seeing a major risk to the U.S. financial system or the U.S. economy." 

Rest assured, the Fed will wait until shit hits the fan to assess risk.

G(s)COTD: The Big 3 Beermakers

"Why are the most popular American beers so weak?

Because they’re the next best thing to prohibition. "

GCOTD: Scar Shoulders

This conversation occurred this morning and incensed me. Not knowing/appreciating music is one thing, but one would think such ignorance would require one remove oneself from said debate. I'm not knocking Janis Joplin. I wish she was hotter, because she was probably an animal in the sack. That said, Jerry Garcia, along with the rest of the Grateful Dead, their crew, Ken Kesey, the Merry Pranksters the Wall of Sound, LSD, San Francisco did way more for music than Janis did. She was a lynx. But go ahead, shut yo mouth.

GCOTD: Ron Paul

Now that he's apparently in the lead in Iowa, I guess I might as well pass this along:

The thing most wrong with present-day Republicanism is its passivity in the face of the economic crisis, its indifference to the economic troubles of the huge majority of the American population, and its blithe insistence that everything was fine for the typical American worker up until Inauguration Day 2009 or (at the outer bound of the thinkable) the financial crisis of the fall 2008.

It is the lack of concern to the travails of middle-class America that “reform Republicans” should most centrally be concerned with.

And no candidate in this race–ok, except maybe the defunct Herman Cain–has been more persistently, aggressively, and forcefully heedless of those travails than Ron Paul.

Everything else that’s wrong with Paul–the paranoia, the crank theories–exists as an adjunct to this first prime fault. And the success of Paul in winning a boutique audience for his message has driven the rest of the field to mimic his crank monetary theories. In the midst of the worst crisis since the 1930s, the one thing that all the current and former first-tier candidates have agreed upon (even Mitt Romney!) is the need for tighter money and higher interest rates. That should seem obviously nuts, and not in a theoretical or marginal way that denying evolution is nuts. The press for tighter money and higher interest rates now is the kind of nutty thing that a government can actually do--and that would inflict severe, immediate real-world harm on the US and world economy.

To illustrate Frum's point about economics a little further, gold has gone through the roof in the last few years as people have fled to investments that they see as safe. Now imagine how tough it would be to come up with your mortgage payment if we were still on the gold standard and coming up with money essentially meant coming up with some of that rare and suddenly extremely high-priced commodity. It's not hard to see how economic activity would slow even further if the recession-induced demand for money were exacerbated by the run-up in gold prices.

There are definitely some things I appreciate about Paul - particularly his willingness to ask much-needed tough questions about civil liberties and our foreign policy goals.

Aside from economics, after reading his positions I was surprised to see some right-wing social policy in there. For example, I would have thought standing up for same-sex marriage would be a no-brainer for a principled libertarian-ish type. Apparently not.

If you want a good libertarian candidate, try former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, who is sort of the shit. Too bad the Republican establishment kept him from ever getting attention in this Presidential race.

GCOTD: Brian Cushing

This guy is a fucking douche. Hear this idiot's head crack at 4:55. Wonder what drugs he's on...

D (Dead) COTD: Stephen Hatch

This dude has now killed two wives, two kids, and now himself in two separate plane crashes. Fortunately, his son Austin, a fantastic basketball player and Michigan recruit, has managed to survive both of them. I understand that mistakes happen, but seriously dude, put the fucking plane down. Well, I guess you're dead now so we don't have to worry about that anymore.

GC(s)OTD: Al Qaeda

According to documents, to avoid the distraction of women, he “reportedly received injections to promote impotence and recommended the injections to others so more time could be spent on the jihad.”

What a fag.

Then there's the story of these fucking cowards:

When Ramzi Binalshibh, a key liaison between the Sept. 11 hijackers and al-Qaeda, was arrested at a safe house in Karachi on the first anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, there was a four-hour standoff while the Yemeni and two others held knives to their own throats and threatened to kill themselves rather than be taken.

Fucking pussies.

GCOTD: Sigurdur Hjartarson

Hjartarson, 69, said his interest in what he calls "phallology" began when, as a youngster in rural Iceland, he was given a whip made from a bull's penis to help him herd cattle. Later, when he worked at a school near a whaling station, colleagues brought him whale penises as gifts.

GCOTD: Watson

Watson, you clone! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size(the good ish is at 0:39)?

GCOTD: Tom DeLay

What a stupid fag.

GCOTD: Sal Alosi

Are you fucking kidding me? You fucking stick your knee out and jack up a rookie, a former Terp who missed all of his senior year with a broken leg. Fuck you very much Sal Alosi. Buy and sell steroids and HGH, spot dudes while they're lifting, massage their groins, do whatever the fuck it is you do but don't go touching real football players on the field. Know your fucking role clone.

Karma Is A Bitch: Tony Parker

Haha! Dare you go, Tony Parker! How you like that you son of a bitch? I knew she was too good for your clone, French ass. The Spurs suck, you suck and now I can go back to completely sweating your (soon to be) ex-wife.

Eva, get your fly tookus over here and let BMR show you how jackals do. Uh, you missed a spot, sweetie.

GC(s)OTD: Jerry Jones, Tony Romo, Keith Brooking, Wade Philips, Roy Williams, City of Dallas, NFL Pundits, Cameron Collins, Jason Garrett, Angry DC Black Guys, ESPN

Me and SS had a good huck about how injured Cowboys have to walk back through the sports bar at this shit show of a NFL stadium. Jerry Jones, how did no one think about that before you built that shit pile? It's a lot like your obscenely large scoreboard/HD jumbotron that interferes with the punt game. 

GCOTD: T-Large

***CHAT TRANSCRIPT***

me: go ahead and change that away message (T-Large's Away Message: J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!)

T Large: ugly game

me: whatever

it was beautiful

T Large: i think they will meet in the playoffs though

me: you got some work to do

T Large: i dont see too many teams beating either of them

10:39 AM me: sanchez is a douche

T Large: i also dont see how ravens fans think they were that much better than the jets

they both looked like shit

me: obviously you don't watch much football

T Large: ok

me: it's not ravens fans doing all the talking

T Large: so the ravens looked good?

10:40 AM me: it's sports writers

yeah

T Large: right

me: turnovers 3-1 Jets

and you lost

Ravens are nasty

10:41 AM T Large: didnt you get beat up by one of your own fans?

me: that's hilarious 

T Large: haha

10:42 AM me: go back and watch the game

look at our field position

T Large: i watched the game

me: and look at yours

then tell me why you lost

T Large: i know the jets sucked

me: or how the ravens looked "bad"

T Large: they sucked ass too

im not doing this anymore

me: aren't you from Jersey?

T Large: whatever

me: why don't you move back?

T Large: the ravens were spectacular

they were flawless

grade a

all the way

10:43 AM they need not improve

they are the best ever!

me: what's it like getting fired up for sports when you have no idea what you're watching

?

T Large: ha

me: talking a bunch of crap when you have no idea what you're talking about?

10:44 AM T Large: ok

you are a football mastermind

good for you

10:45 AM me: at least you have the yankees

in baseball you CAN go buy championships

not in the NFL though

T Large: and i am a good winner

i dont talks hit nonstop after my teams beat people

10:46 AM me: no you talk shit when you lose

that's worse

T Large: it was a good game

i said they would meet in the playoffs

because that means they are good

they both need to improve a lot though

10:47 AM they both played pretty poorly on offense

i dont see whay you are taking what i said way out of context

unless you just like fucking with me while im extremelyh hung over

GCOTD: Troy Polamalu (again, I think)

Guess who's insuring his hair for $1 million.

And here he is visiting a Cancer patient. Who does that? Fag.

GCOTD: Today August 7, 2010

6:40am: Wake up with a very mild hangover, extreme tiredness, and cigar mouth after having only 4 hours of sleep.
6:50am: Go downstairs into my shitty dirty house with no wife and no dog and try to go back to sleep on the couch while drinking Gatorade and watching SportsCenter.
8:30am: Realize only a full breakfast including coffee will get rid of the crappy way I feel and the cigar mouth.
8:31am: Remember my fucking coffee pot is broken.
9:00am: Work up the courage to go to Starbucks for coffee and breakfast.
10:00am: Confirm that Billy isn't going to the 1pm card game with me.
11:00am: Take my car to the car wash on my way to Robeks and Annapolis to play in a charity poker tournament with Miller.
12:30am: Realize Annapolis is full of 25,000 douchebags and only 15 parking spots all of which are already taken. Texting with Miller.
1:00pm: Arrive at the bar right as the tourney is about to start and can't find Miller.
1:05pm: Confirm that Miller is still at home in bed, leave bar pissed off and walk the mile back to my car.
2:10pm: Arrive back to my shitty house with no wife and no dog and do some laundry and eat some lunch.
3:00pm Finish up laundry and my eighth miserable trip to the toilet today, apparently I ate poison, and get read to head to the park to play bball.
3:30pm: Arrive at the park to find it empty. Drive right passed it pissed off. Turn around and see a group of four guys have arrived, decide to shoot around for a bit to see if more people show up.
4:30pm: Give up on more people showing up. Beautiful day now officially wasted.
4:45pm: Return to my shitty house with no wife and no dog again.
5:00pm: Play video games and do more laundry. Enjoy neither activity. Text with Billy about hanging out and maybe playing cards at night.
7:30pm: After texting Billy and getting no response for 15 minutes decide to shower.
7:50pm: Come up with awesome idea that I will go to McGintys for dinner and I'll sit at the bar and have some Guinness and corned beef and cabbage and I'm cool so people will chat with me and it'll be cool and I'll feel like my life is ok.
8:15pm: Arrive at McGinty's and realize how terrible this idea was.
8:20pm: Arrive at different restaurant where I will feel like less of a loser because it has bigger TVs and settle into the bar and order a Guinness.
8:35 pm: Eat Jalapeno Cornbread that surprisingly came with my salad. Only positive part of the day.
8:50pm: Actually starting to enjoy the meal as I am halfway through my rotisserie chicken when all of a sudden BAM busted chick and gay dude arrive and sit basically right on top of me and the chick has so much cocoa butter on I almost puke all over myself.
8:55pm: They order drinks and get carded. I didn't get carded. I make joke to fat waitress about how she made me feel old. I am old. And a loser. Joke isn't that funny.
9:00pm: Ask for check.
9:45pm: After arriving back at my shitty house with no wife and no dog decide to blog about my day.

GCOTD: I-76 West through Pennsyltucky

Have you ever drove on this piece of shit? Jesus Titty Fucking Christ it sucks. We were on this bad boy for a good 3+ hours last night and the entire thing is under construction. Why? I have no fucking idea there are no exits off of the thing and clearly nobody lives out here that drives on gravel roads, but apparently it was worth $113,000,000.00 to totally fuck up and slow down my drive. Seriously Pennsyltucky, go fuck yourself.

Behind the Clone: Le Bron James

So, do any other Jackals think Queen James needs all this attention because his dad was never around? I'm just sayin'.

GCOTD? Or JOTD? Vodka Eyeballers

Have you ever seen something so bizarre, both so hardcore and so mind-numbingly idiotic, that you can't decide if it's Jackal of the Day material or Gay Clone of the Day material? No? Well then I nominate the participants in what's being called "vodka eyeballing":



Yes, that's right - pouring vodka into your eyeball. So: Jackal? Or clone? Discuss.

And just for fun, here's a toddler smoking:


EMBED-Ardi Rizal - The real SMOKING BABY !! - Watch more free videos

GCOTD: Jim Joyce

Nice mustache, fag! Major league baseball is fuckin' gay anyway, but this guy really fucked up.