KFTC: IRIS(Innovative Response to Improve Safety)

This shit is out of control.

Mini Mancation: Miller's Beach House

So this was the correspondance with my boss yesterday via email:

"If you are planning to work on Friday (and I hope you're not), you need to notify me by ... so I can tell security."


Keep in mind, this is merely hours after I contemplated asking to take the day off, considering I already submitted my 'hours worked' for the week. Needless to say, your ol' pal has a long weekend and two jackals at the beach waiting to get awesome and chase honeys like those pictured above...

Run and tell that.

Fhilosophy Friday

Whomever labeled George Carlin a comedian had their shit all wrong. Not only was he philosopher of the highest order, he was funny as shit. Peep these quotes and go on 'bout your day, Jackal style. "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.” ― George Carlin

“We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? . . . And, by the way, there's nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin' great. It's been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. We are! We're goin' away. Pack your shit, we're goin' away. And we won't leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.” ― George Carlin

If push comes to shove.....

......and either RTB or BMR come up AWOL in the near future then I think we might keep this in mind as very likely the probable cause. Just sayin.....

Shoulders Fought the Law and Shoulders Won

Back in March on my way home from Mexican food with Lindsay and her roommate I was pulled over by a BIKE COP and given a $100 ticket for 'ditracted driving'.  Being a Jackal I fought the ticket with the following letter:

On March 14, 2012 I was driving home from dinner when I received a ticket for "distracted driving".  The following is an account of what happened that evening which I have 2 witnesses to and I do not believe it warrants a ticket. 

As I was sitting at a red light at Lincoln Park at 8:40pm I received a text message which caused my phone to vibrate in my pocket.  As this was distracting and I was almost back to my girlfriends house I took the phone out of my pocket and placed it in my cup holder as to remove the distraction.  2 blocks later I was pulled over by officer Parson at another red light and was given no explanation as to why I was pulled over.  When I asked if I had done something wrong he told me he "would let me know when I needed to know."  After presenting my license, registration, and insurance he went back to his bicycle and ran my information and could see that I have no outstanding tickets.  He then presented me with the $100 ticket without asking my side of the story at 8:50pm.  As you can see by the document attached I did not reply to the text I had received until 8:58pm, after I parked my car at my girlfriends house on the 700 block of 7th street.

I do not believe that DC law permit individuals from having cell phones turned on in their pocket while they are driving.  I further do not believe that drivers are prohibited from removing cell phones from their pocket and placing them in their cup holders while they are stopped at a stop light so that they can drive without being distracted.  Both of my witnesses are happy to attest to what happened the night in question if that is required.

Today I received the following:

SUCK ONE DC!!!

Keeping It Jackal: Toddler Thunderdome

Is there anything more ghetto than this?

“Clearly one of the children is crying and does not want to continue on and he is pushed back into the fray by one of the adults,” Dover Police Captain Tim Stump said.

Friday Hottie Out - Friday JokE In

Since Boogers teased us last week with a smoking Friday hottie and now left us hanging this Friday BHMF feels the need to fill the void wit something. Ok here goes: Q: What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? A: "Make me one with everything."

Boogerdamus: Steelers Finish 3rd in AFC North

Seriously, the Shittsburgh Squeelers are going to shut the fuck up this fall/winter. It's fucking on. I'm not afraid of Andy Dalton, but Ike Taylor is. Boogerdamus guaranteeing the Squeelers miss the playoffs.

Notes From the Road...

Boogers here. School is back in session and a trip to your local box store will pay dividends.

The South is awesome. Nice people will one day rule the Earth. Brisket is nourishing. Ben Folds Five are reunited, which is awesome, I had no idea. I just spent two days hanging out with cops. They're awesome dudes. It sucks that society pits various groups of the population against one another. We're all on the same team. I miss my car. Howla.

Football Educational Post

10-16 for 188 yards and 2 TDs, team scores 21 points with him in the game. 4-6 for 70 yards 1 TD and 1 lost fumble, team scores 7 points and gives up the ball at their own 20 with him in the game. Number 1 picks are better than number 2 picks. Any questions?

Friday Hottie: Laura Lee

Jackals Sleepy Again?

Is the Martian atmosphere making the Den sleepy? Have Boogers long-talked about long-sought-after Martians put us asleep with such little ease? We are on Mars MotherFuckers!!! New worlds conquered by the mighty Jackal! Wake up and talk about this shit! It is a good time to be a Jackal!

Anubis's Will Be Done

The economic, employment, criminal and social implications of this would be so fucking great for this country. We'll see how many friends RJ Reynolds and Anheuser Busch have on Capitol Hill, but fuck them. We are the masses.

"There's no guarantee it will happen this year, but there’ll be more initiatives on state ballots in 2014, and 2016, and beyond. Most pot activists and policy analysts I spoke to put the timeframe for legalization at 5-7 years, tops." 

GCOTD: Scar Shoulders

This conversation occurred this morning and incensed me. Not knowing/appreciating music is one thing, but one would think such ignorance would require one remove oneself from said debate. I'm not knocking Janis Joplin. I wish she was hotter, because she was probably an animal in the sack. That said, Jerry Garcia, along with the rest of the Grateful Dead, their crew, Ken Kesey, the Merry Pranksters the Wall of Sound, LSD, San Francisco did way more for music than Janis did. She was a lynx. But go ahead, shut yo mouth.

JOTD; Chris Davis

What can this guy not do?

Seriously, Bud Selig, a little YouTubes never hurt nobody. You wonder why every little kid in America doesn't want to play baseball? You're a douche. Your league is douche-esque. No salary cap? Rings for sale? Fuck the Yankees and fuck you.