DEFINITION of Jackal

Wednesday November 25, 2008
6am - Wake up and head off to boring as work. Only Jackal activity of note is eating 3 pounds of meat at Hee Been Korean BBQ for lunch

5pm - Hit the grocery store on the way home for a cooler full of energy drinks. Could SS be planning something epic? Could he be planning to take back his get awesome crown?

Thursday November 26, 2008

1am - Head off to NYC for the parade.

6:30am - Get off the Subway and hit the parade route.

9am - The parade is the jump off. The Lynx comes through by knowing some dude named Ron that is all drunk and loud and giving the entire parade props and really is a Jackal from another mother.

12:30pm - Back in the car and headed to MD

12:31pm - Both the Mrs and the Lynx pass the fuck out leaving your boy on his own to get us back to MD alive.

12:32pm - Drink 1st Monster energy drink.

12:35pm - Falling asleep in shitty Philly traffic. Suck one Aldente Schwanz. I hate you I hate Jersey I hate Philly I hate Philly traffic.

12:40pm - Drink 2nd Monster energy drink.

12:50pm - They kick in. Driving. Rapping. Swerving. Making awesome time. Feeling most high for the Dos Def.

4pm - Back to HoCo shocking the in laws with our level of awesomeness and over to the grandparents.

6pm - Back to the in laws and I stop in the garage to grab a beer before even entering the house. I've earned it.

7pm - Dinner, beer, wine, champagne, scotch, scotch scotch!!!

11pm - After a handful of drinks, after the Mrs goes to bed, after I watch the Giants suck, after both of my drinking buddies pass out/fall asleep, after 41 consecutive hours of being awake and being awesome Scar Shoulders rests... but not for long.

Friday November 27, 2008

10am - Hit the bank and turn small bills into Hundys.

2pm - BWI flight takes off for Chi-Town.

5pm (Chi Town time) - Chi-Town beers during the layover.

8pm (Vegas time) - Touch down head to the Mirage and . . . . . . meet up with BD2 to get awesome!

9pm through 2am - Get awesome with the Mrs and BD2 and Mrs BD2. Get the Mrss so awesome in fact yours truly has to escort her to bed. But Scar Shoulders, shouldn't you get some sleep too? After all it's 5am east coast time and you have only slept 8 of the last 72 hours...



5am - Finally head back to the room after a solo gambling mission while the rest of my group was catching Zs (yes BD2 I am calling you a bitch) losing a hundy on Hold Em (where I had 2 more scotches and was pretty close to falling asleep at the table) and another hundy on craps (2 more scotches please!). Go to sleep knowing that not in his wildest dreams could Babyface get this awesome. Straight fire homey.



Saturday November 28, 2009 (SSs 29th Bday)



I'll let BD2 put down the permanent record of what went down this day but I can tell you this much. We started drinking a hair after noon while freaking out some squares at the dolphin and tiger exhibit. It didn't stop it just continued through football watching, steak dinner eating, Cirque de Soliel shows, drinks at Rhumbar, and finally Roulette and Craps playing where BD2 and Mrs BD2 bitched out on gambling at the worst time ever as SS and Mrs SS got way hot on craps and took $250 and $150 respectively off the Casino before calling it a night around 3am.



All in all SS has been getting awesome for the better side of 5 days now. I'de love to write more but I got a bloody mary to get and football to watch.



Your move Babyface.

Jackal of the Day: CQQ99

Boricua!!

CQQ99 is engaged to mi prima! Congrats on getting legit son!

You part of the family now, my Jackal!

Bachelor Party dibs...

Getting Awesome Battle for the Family Crown

It's on. It has been brought to my attention via a text pic message

early this morning that Babyface is coming for my crown. King of the Shoulders family awesome getters. You want some of this son? You think staying up later than me one Saturday night when I went to bed sick after 16 hours of getting awesome gives you this crown? You think you got the gravitas to get moto loco with SS ese?

BRING

IT

ON

Vegas you better watch the fuck out, Jackals got crowns to reclaim.

(I) Fuck with your soul like ether

(WILL) Teach you the king you know you

(NOT) "Gods Son" across the belly

(LOSE) I prove you lost already

Vegas, Jackal, Vegas!

Since no one else appears to be on the Den, I decided to continue my selfish posting trend over the past few days and brag about SS's and BD2's pending Vegas trip. Unlike the now gay clone Clonelle, SS and I will report the events of our Vegas trip post haste. You ever seen Cirque de Soleil.....on weeeed? In 3 days yours truly and SS will be getting awesome in Vegas. Please baleeeevee meh.

HHHHHHHOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

Most Jackal of All Time Nominee (Again): Miles Davis

Photo Caption: "Go Asleep and shit"

You may remember my post where I touted Miles as the most Jackal of all time. I contend any jackal to offer some other entry that would be better. He made REAL American music, he was the Godfather of modern music, he got awesome (I heard in an interview he said he got so awesome he passed out for 5 days....5...days.. awesome.), drove Ferraris, pimped (white) women, and was basically the shit in every way. And his music is fucking amazing.

By the way if you have Sirius or XM, they are running a Miles Davis Radio this week which inspired this follow up up post:

NEW YORK - SIRIUS XM Radio (NASDAQ: SIRI) announced that it launched Miles Davis Radio,
a 24-hour commercial-free channel devoted to the music and career of Miles
Davis, one of the greatest visionaries and most important figures in jazz
history.

The limited-run channel will launch on Friday, November 20 at
3:00 pm ET and will run until Wednesday, November 25 on SIRIUS channel 72 and XM
channel 70.

Jackal ass shit: BLAKROC

I heard 2 tracks off this shit so far and they are off the chain good.

Sittin' on the Toilet

Something random to distract Ravens and Redskins fans from their losses in big games that they really should have won:



Note: I'm not sure if this is really funny or the worst thing ever.

Friday Hottie: Erin Go Bragh

For you unfortunate slugs, I mean non-Irish, Erin Go Bragh is an expression meaning "Ireland forever"

RIP: Mancation(the term)

[excerpt from the 'Elliot In The Morning' WEBSITE]


Wednesday, November 18
Elliot In The Morning’s Guys’ Night Out with Skindred: We’re taking over the H Street Corridor for a one-night only helmet party… mancation. [INFO]
Am I cut? Did you see the Matt Bradley-Aaron Voros fight? OMGosh. [VIDEO]
Gov. Paterson blasts decision to hold 9/11 trials in NYC. [STORY] UPDATE: AG Holder defends move to New York. [STORY]
Something to do while unemployed: Serve on a jury. [STORY]
“I’ve definitely made a fair amount of career mistakes, but when it comes to commercials, if I can be funny – I’ll do it.” Actor-comedian-father Jim Gaffiganchecked in in advance of this Friday’s Baltimore appearance. [AUDIO] Jim Gaffigan; Fri., November 20; Lyric Opera House; Baltimore, MD; 8:00 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. [TICKETS]
‘The Cucumber Incident’: Suit alleges sexual harassement at Richmond-based law firm. [STORY]
Is it a Wisconsin tradition to drink milk at weddings? [E-MAIL] Elliot says 'yes,' the Internet says 'no.'
Our old friends Isaac and Thorry of The Kin stopped by to talk about their new record, play a few songs from it, and teach Elliot the didgeridoo. [AUDIO 1] [AUDIO 2] [AUDIO 3] [“Waking Up Shining”] ‘THE UPside’ is now available.




My Jackals, BMR has terrible news on three fronts. Allow me to elaborate:


1) BMR was listening to 'Elliot in the Morning' today. I'm really ashamed and I can assure you I tuned in to hear Boomer Esiason's picks, because he loves my dirty birds. But Boomer doesn't call in on Friday morning with picks anymore, so instead all I heard was 'Elliot in the Morning'.


2) An ad for an Elliot In The Morning-themed bar crawl came on the radio and it involves Elliot and a "Guy's Night Out" on the H St. Corridor, BMR's stomping grizzounds. Not cool.


3) Aforementioned bar crawl uttered the term 'Mancation' to describe a "Guy's Night Out"( I thought only chicks did gender-specific outings, but that's another post/jackalism). So it's a Monday night on H St., and it's being dubbed "Mancation". Anyhow, I thought it's about time we dropped the term like a furlong of bricks. We could go straight to Jackal OTA as SS wisely dubbed UMD/VT and the BMR vs. SS Sr. Heavyweight matchups that recently brought Head and BD "Jameson" 2 to town, while pulling our sketchy Virginia Tech associates(Crazy Pat, Tico & Co.) out of the wood work as well.


We had a good run, Mancation, but it's time to part ways. Have a great time treating NOVA trash to boring nights out in my neighborhood. Douche.

Thanksgiving Day

Any Jackals up in the NYC area trying to UNF the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade with the Mrs., the Lynx, and yours truly? Babyface is drumlining it and I'm looking for an able bodied Jackal to carry the other pole of the most glorious Jackals banner...

Walmart...America's cockroach

This is pretty damn shocking.

SKULLFUCK URUGUAY IN THE ASS

Sorry Tico. Maybe this will make it better?

Jackal's Day in Court:

On the morrow, BMR is going to do his best to seek retribution. This aggression will not stand, Fanny. This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. I can't imagine how much it must suck to be a lawyer. Although, my roommate is a lawyer and she works tirelessly, to little avail, so I have an idea. But I've been "building my case" and this shit sucks. Wish a jackal luck...

OLD NEWS

As if Papa John's didn't already suck enough (food poisoning 3x).

http://ballhype.com/story/pizza_chain_apologizes_for_crybaby_lebron_shirt/

SOMEONE FOUND ANOTHER WAY TO FUCK IRELAND

AND I'M CURRENTLY WATCH NBA OFFICIALS SIMILARLY FUCK THE BULLETS.

GGGRRRRRRRR!!!!

I fully admit that the likelihood of going into Dallas and beating the Cowboys is not a likely scenario this Sunday. To the Redskins credit they did upset the Broncos, albeit against Chris Simms, but last time I checked a win is a win. Plus the 'Boys are dealing with injuries on the O-line and running backs just like the Redskins. I just hope the Redskins secondary doesn't play like they did last week, because Romo could have a good day if that happens. I do not expect it will because as inept as the Redskins offense is, the defense is just as if not more so diesel.

If there is one thing most football fans can agree on it's "Fuck Dallas". For example look how the Green Bay radio announcer took his chance to create violent imagery of murdering them. Here is last week's call of the Woodson interception:

"1st-goal at the one...WOODSON! DAGGER NUMBER TWO! Right through the star of the Dallas Cowboys Helmet!"

Awesome.

That is why I ask all my real, live Jackals to tune in to watch the Cowboys November slump begin with a loss to the 3-6 Redskins in Dallas Sunday at 1PM.


Cheeseburgers....'Merca.....ballleevvee it....GO SKINS....Cheeseburgers....'Merca.....Cheeseburgers....'Merca.....Cheeseburgers....'Merca.....Cheeseburgers....'Merca.....GO SKINS!



(Fully admit the gayness of this video, but couldn't help posting it...)

At the Risk of Being Un-'Merican

This is a horrible fucking idea.

Degenerate gambling leads to...charity?

Ever go to a work happy hour? Ever get drunk at one? Ever try to talk two coworkers into making a bet on fantasy football? Ever convince them to come to terms on said bet by making a bet with another coworker on fantasy football and then calling them pussies? Ever lose said bet? Ever wake up on a Tuesday morning and do this to your face and then have to figure out a way to explain it to the people laughing at you at work (as well as your unsuspecting wife)?

Low and behold I have now joined the Movember movement! Sure I have to keep the Stache for an extra 10 days but at least my bosses don't know about my degenerate gambling that shows no regard for work place decorum and good sense! Mustaches to beat Prostate Cancer! Yeah that's what happened! Bosses can't be against Movember because that makes them for Prostate Cancer! So feel free to donate to my misery and humiliation. Dig deep Jackals...

My Movember Profile That Accepts Tax Deductible Donations

Jackals in Action

The making of the Jackals banner:
Jackals Attire:Tailgating Jackals-style:

500th Post: Jackals are Coming to Town

Homeboy's twisted

Some more Gems...

Holy shit this is fun. Thanks, Head. I was worried I may actually have to do work today, now my morning is set.

The World We Live In

I'm just going to assume that all these people overcame their urges to sleep with their sister/step dad after their mom died/cousin. More fun with Google Suggest here and here. Mancation II begins tonight (for the dedicated) motherfuckers!!

Keep Fuckin that Chicken!!!

It takes a tough man to make a tender victory!


11 round shootout = Jackal as fuck

GCOTD: Tim Ryan

I have an hour long commute most days and can only tolerate so much news, ESPN and music stations so I occasionally tune into the NFL network. This shithead takes over the entire afternoon with a radio show of lame ass truck drivers calling in about there team which is never the local team where they live.

Example:

"We have Rick from San Diego on the line, Ricky, welcome to Movin' the Chains, what brings you to the show today."

"Pat and Timmy how are ya. My name is Rick, 2nd time caller, I am callin' bout my Pittsburg Steelers. Been a fan for 3 years, born and raised in Sacramento California..."

"Rick, you guys have got to do a better job in your secondary, your pass rush has been inconsistent..."

What?!?! Rick from San Diego is on the team?? What the fuck are you talking about??!

Also, I can't tell you how many times this idiot says the following:

"bangin' it out on a Wednesday"
"schemes"
"terrific"
"generating yardage"
"shed blockers"

I thought he was a big black dude from the sound of his voice and his style of commentary, but I should have known he is just a fat white dude trying to sound cool. But that is not the real problem with this douche.

The real problem is how he will never say anything negative about anyone that has actually appeared on the show before. The Carolina Panthers suck. Everyone knows it but because he and "Foxy' are buddies he gives them an out almost every time. They are scared to lose the three listeners and are scared to say something negative so they have so they never actually say anything. They just talk about BS O-line terminology that unless you played O-line you could give a fuck about hand positions or any of that shit.

Another annoyance is his incessant use of brevs for people's names such as:

John Fox - Foxy
Andre Carter - Dre
AP - Andrian Peterson
Pat Kirwin - Patty





Tim Ryan....you sir suck ass.

Nice list, BD2, but did you do ANY R&D?

B

BD2, an impressive collection of hot chicks duping an unsuspecting jackal into watching an otherwise meaningles athletic endeavor, but my friend. My broseph, how did you leave my girl Jeanette Lee out?

Sports moments that shouldn't be hot...but are

Granted, none of these are real sports, but even so, these "activities" are not supposed to have hot chicks compete in them.  Race car driving, ping pong, figure skating, etc.  dude/gay clone dominated sports.  

Most of the time athletic prowess is inversely related to hotness...just look at Anna Kornikova (hot/sucks at sports) or Elizabeth Lambert (busted/beats bitches up on the soccer field)  I'm just sayin'

Ping pong chick is sort of busted, but come on it is fucking ping pong!

5 minutes to go...Redskins FO, please dont be as dumb as you are

"Larry Johnson...waiver claims can be made through 4:00 p.m. ET on Tuesday, with priority determined based on current won-loss records. Anyone who claims Johnson would inherit the remainder of his $4.55 million base salary and $60,000 per-game roster bonus. If he clears waivers, Johnson will become an unrestricted free agent, able to sign with any team -- and also free to collect the balance of his base salary from the Chiefs as termination pay."

We are getting distracted by Gay Clones....Focus on the task at hand

The Communists Won

And I hate myself for letting it happen. BD2 and Boogers McRib know what I am talking about. I can't live like this.

GCOTW: ECU...a college football pussy school

What's the definition of a College Football pussy school?

If any of the below apply:

1. Gay traditions
2. Lacrosse and volleyball teams are their best team sports
3. Your stadium and fans have no football soul
4. You don't win against non-div 2 schools
5. Alcohol is not insanely consumed for many hours before every game

Virginia (of course) is a great example, but ECU turns out also fits

They have a cannon, a mini sized cannon Look at that fucking thing! This is indisputable evidence that there is a gay cloning movement....HAHA (this is the "cannon" the pirates "shoot" after every TD)

Gay clone:


Hokies version:


In Nov 14th we'll find out if MD has been gay cloned

Get Up for the Get Awesome Get Down (per BD2s Request)

Be prepared to hear this 100 times this weekend. Jay Z on some Wicomico Hall shit.



Used to rock a throwback, ballin on the corner
Now I rock a teller suit, looking like a owner
No I'm not a Jonas, brother
I'm a grown up
No I'm not a virgin
I use my cojones


Friday Night
6pm (or earlier) - get home, be ready to get awesome. People can come over at this time.
8pm - Watch Terps win their first BBall game of the year on Comcast Sportsnet
10pm - Create Jackals sign for tailgate with BD2 and Head

Saturday
7am - wake up
7:01am - make coffee
7:05am - add Irish to it
8:30am - carpool arrives at 811 Malcolm
9am SHARP - carpool heads to College Park
9:15am - arrive on campus and put up Jackals flag
9:16am - start getting awesome
noon - achieve Wizard status, start prepping to head to game
1pm - kickoff
4pm - storm field with Ticos head on a stick
5pm - arrive back at 811 Malcolm to get mo awesome with Babyface
9pm - take pictures of Babyface puking
10pm - take pictures of BD2 passed out on the ground like a little bitch
10:01 pm to infinity - on to the next one on to the next one on to the next one on to the next one...

GCOTD: Aerosmith

Bon voyage, bitches. When people ask what's so great about Led Zeppelin, the Who, the Police, regardless of their music, they called it quits rather than throw on cruise control in the lane to suck. The Rolling Stones, quit, please. Aerosmith, thank you so much for putting an end to aural fecal matter, although I'm sorry this will never happen again. They took way too long to quit, they'll probably tour again for $400/ticket, but this was one of the best rock bass lines ever. Nevertheless, Steven Tyler and Co., go the fuck asleep. Your band has sucked for more years than it was good.

Gay Clone of the Day......Again: Dan Snyder

Sorry I couldn't resist.


Dear Dan Snyder:

I have a recommendation to save your franchise from certain doom. Fire every major acquisition you have made in your tenure as an abhorrent owner of my beloved Redskins over the past decade. Fire anyone you thought would make this team better, all the coaches, all the players, all the way up to your best buddy Vinny Cerrato. This season is a essentially over anyway so what does it matter. Then write a contract that forbids you from having any say over any decisions aside from signing paychecks and merchandising, especially deciding what to do with any offseason signings or draft picks. Then call Bill Polian and offer everything you can possibly afford, beg him to work for you, give him complete control over all football related matters. Sit in your little office playing Madden and keeping up with your fantasy team and leave the real football to people who have a clue what they are doing.

Best Regards (eat shit and die),

Every Redskins fan left

PS GO SKINS!!

OMG Giants SUCK!! LOL!

LOL Giants Lost! Eli Manning = FAG

Ravens lost 2! Joe Flacco sux ballz!

This is classic

Douchebags

HILARITY.

Play this game when bored at work.

http://games.adultswim.com/five-minutes-to-kill-yourself-adventure-online-game.html

Javid Best Youngin!

Holy shit. At least this bamma didn't spew gatorade stew this time.

SS - Was it really only a year ago that Maryland beat a nationally ranked team? What the fuck?

New Michael Jackson?

Holy shit. Just saw this.