I'm out Bitches! Another Friday early escape soon to commence...

If you don't like Thin Lizzy... then Fuck you.

I think this should be a part of the Rock mix that accompanies SS's UNF the World LP that is going to drop at Mancation 2010.

Speaking of which we need to get in the lab and start layin' down some tracks. March will be here before we know it.

She's starting to crack...

Apparently, someone didn't realize who's security deposit they were trying to keep. I'm damn sure I called for about 16 hours straight one time. She's almost blocked every extension at my work, also the land line for the house I'm renting. If you guys could lend a hand and start blowing her up and leaving hilarious voicemails, that would be jackal as a motherfucker. 202.409.4372 is the number for Fani Cruz Portillo. Think of me as the Wicked Witch of the West and y'all as the Wingkey's, only you have cell phones instead of wings and your not monkeys. But the mindset, capture the Wingkey mindset. Shit is like cerebral gold. Oh yeah! The real point of my post and picture above. She finally answered the phone this morning. What follows is a loose synopsis of the conversation:

Fani-"Hello?"

BMR-"Fani, what's up? Can I come by and get my security deposit this weekend?"(as if she didn't just pick up my 892nd call in three weeks...)

Fani-"I'm not chossing to give it back, I don't want to do that."

BMR-"Fani Portillo Cruz, it's not a matter of want, it's the law. It was in the lease."

Fani-"Was it in the lease that you would be harassing me and calling me (audibly tearing up) and sending people to my house and...(indiscernable)

BMR-"All I'm asking is to get it back."

Fani-"I told you I was moving to another place."(full on crying) "I was going to return it after 30 days, but you..."

If you could, get real bombed this weekend and UNF this crook.

Friday Hottie: Vintage Chicks - Jenny McCarthy

I remember a time when Hollywood used to have a thing called hot chicks.  They didn't do anything except be hot.  Now we have all these broads trying to talk, act in movies, even provide opinions about things.  (excluding Megan Fox, she seems to understand that the less she says the better.)  

But, I have been racking my brain trying to think of someone to use as the Friday Hot chick, and I can't think of anyone current so I am going back to a simpler time when dumb hot chicks were just that dumb and hot.

I had this poster on my wall back in middle school.  Actually I had all four of these posters on my wall. 

Is it just me or is she a hotter version of someone we went to high school with? (This someone broke up with her to make out with Schubert's farm animals...rhymes with Mavisphere.) 

I have to say looking at these now she is not all that hot but I guess at 13 I would have had different standards.  Plus now she is married to Jim Carrey who is as unfunny as she is now un-hot. Getting old blows.

Boogers owned this on cassette...I'm just sayin'

How Much and How Much

How much would it take for you to get this tattoo ACTUALLY on your body??

How much would you pitch in to see a fellow Jackal get this tattoo??

Let the comments commence!!!!

HHHHHOOOOWWWWWLLLLL!

Do you guys think the White House is accepting applications for interns? Way to keep it jackal, Barack.

Think DC's Metro is fucked up? I can tell you that wreck made my commute to work a whole lot shittier. Fuck this guy and fuck the Red Line for sodomizing my mornings and nights.

This would be awesome....if BMore doesn't Fuck it up

Gratuitous Danica Patrick shot (Indy car racer...in case you live in a cave.)

Even if you don't know or care what Indy Racing is all about. 750hp race cars driving down the streets of the Inner Harbor would be awesome. Think Monte Carlo for the F1 racing series, but replace models and yachts with crackheads and Coupe deVilles. Let's hope Baltimore doesn't fuck this one up...


IRL Race in Streets of Baltimore

Fucking Conspiracy, Lebron and Nike GCOTW

This breaches the absurd, I really like the excuse.

Lebron, shat on, but Nike wipes it away

Intermediate Boogers McRibese

That was a nice warmup. Where were you when this was regulatin' bitches like the FCC?

God, I hope you stumbled upon this page by accident. Hopefully, you're a religious freak who is convinced that every contributor is an agent of Beezilbub himself.
(If you googled a search term and you foung the Jackals' Den, you're about to be UNF'd. Beezilbub is a reference to Lucifer, Satan, the Dark Prince, etc.)

On your way out, do me a solid and take the sandy rake out of your Virginia Baked Ham wallet.
(Do me a favor and pull the sandy lawn tool out of your va-jayjay)

100 mutha fuckin' jackalisms.
(100th post)

That calls for celebration.
(Let's get awesome)

Ol' Dirty Chinese Restaurant wouldn't believe it if you told him.
(The hip hop artist, Ol' Dirty Bastard would be impressed)

A lot of things have happened in this first week. We had jackal-on-jackal fecal toss, we saw Mancation relived in comic shorts, we pointed out a couple gay clones among us, that would have otherwise gone undetected.
(We posted a lot of things we shouldn't have, I could only list three subjects that our 100 posts could fall under)

Gay clones are like roaches in Northeast DC.
(There's a lot of them)

The weather is nice, so you throw on some flip-flops and walk the dog. Little do you know, on a hot summer night, they're scurrying across the sidewalk and you look like Fred Astaire shuffling and dancing around them. It's like, dude, all I want to do is walk my dog(be a jackal) and I keep having to watch my step and walk around roaches(look out for gay clones).
(I'm not parenthesizing an already parenthesized paragraph, or am I?)

Jackals are evolving. The Jackals Den is perpetuating their influence, thanks to the internets and wide world of webs.
(I had never heard "wide world of webs" before, give a jackal DAP)

As we commemorate this milestone, let's reflect upon the jackals that paved the way. For there will always be a yard to stomp. Skrimpture won't stop so long as the world is revolving. This aggression will not stand. This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
(DON'T SLEEP!)

Happy Hunny, Jackals Den.
(Happy One Hundreth Post, Jackals' Den)

Here's to you sproutin' a couple little black curlies.
(Go fuck yourself)

Rock the Bells or APW: You decide

shitty hippies and wiggers, horrible noise, unintelligable vocals



shitty hippies and hipsters, horrible noise, unintelligable vocals



Actually Fuck It. All of these festivals lick balls. "I'm too ol' fo dis shit Riggs."