Karma is a Bitch: Boogers McRib

So the hot chick I called out in the Den yesterday gave your boy BMR some Dap this morning...

"By the way, you should be an AP(associate producer) if you are doing all this! Or at least getting AP credit on some of these shows..."

 and now I feel pretty shitty. Actually, that McRib photo just about sums it up.

Karma is a Bitch: Hot Chick Who Makes Me Do Her Work

Dare you go, hot chick who makes me do her work! Do you have any idera how fruckin' busy I ram?!!? So (one of) the girl(s) that makes me do all her work was just getting railed by her boss about how she isn't doing her job, which is very similar to what I was saying last week. It felt awesome to hear him bitch her out for like twelve minutes within ear shot of 15 co-workers.

P.S. The man who ended Baltimore's consecutive games without a 100-yard rusher streak has been arrested. No karma to thank for that one, just good ol' fashioned Bengals' character issues. And the Steelers' offensive line that was already patchwork, has lost a big piece. Apparently, the ex-Cowboy and walking penalty flag Flozell(with a really fucking stupid name) Adams is being looked at. Ravens faithful could try to script a better offseason, but they would need Michael Bay's help.

KFTC: Michael Vick

Well well well, Mr. Vick. Good to know you're still dumb as fuck. I was calling for my Dirty Birds to scoop you up last year and I guarantee if you were a Raven, you wouldn't be under investigation. AGAIN. You dumb fuckin' prick. Goodell says it appears to have nothing to do with you, but the fact that your name is coming up in the same sentence as 'gun' is not a good thing. We have a saying here in the Den, although ScarShoulders version of it is really fucking gay, but it's called 'Keep Fuckin' That Chicken'. Notice it's 'fuckin' that chicken', not 'put this chicken into a ring with that chicken and see which one dies'.

Oh yeah, way to make the five worst backup QBs in the league list.

KFTC: Maradona's barber

"Now you see, when the goalie reaches up to make the save, punch that shit with your fist. No one will know. If they start asking you questions and shit about rules, tell them it was God's hand."

Friday Hottie: Emmanuelle Chriqui

I'm about as hungover as a bitch.

Happy Friday, gentlemen. Here's one reason to look forward to Montreal, that's where this piece of "hey now" was born.

Now, go get yourself awesome tonight, ya hear?

GCOTD: VUVUZELA master

You VUVUZELA master, you don't drink, you don't smoke, you VUVUzela the SHIT out of your plastic pipe all night long...

All night long...all night...all night....ALLL NNIIIGHHHT LONG....all night long

You vuvuzela on defense and on offense, when you score and when you miss, when you eat and when you piss...

oh you vuvuzuela master EAT some pussy or SUCK some DICK, whatever you do JUST STOP BLOWING AIR THROUGH YOUR PLASTIC AIR PIPE

STUPID MOTHERFUCKER



p.s. Yes those are bacon bras...yes indeed

KFTC: Starbuck's-Drinking Intern

Internships are basically really long job applications, right? Aren't y'all full-time, broke ass students and shit? Why is my intern rolling in daily with a Starbuck's coffee? Is Starbuck's the most socially acceptable addiction for people that can't possibly afford it? KFTC, Starbuck's-Driniking Intern. You're not nearly as hot as Kyle's intern, otherwise I wouldn't be so judgmental.

JOTD: Landon Donovan

GO TO SLEEP!: France

There are cocks all over French soccer emblems. Coincidence?

I heard the coach they all quit on this week and refused to practice for uses astrology to pick his line ups. Time for these clone ass bitches to go to fucking asleep. South Africa, do your thang.

JOTD: Crazy Ass Ron Artest

You all know I don't fuck around with West Coast teams. Especially the Lakers. Fuck those Bammas. I was rooting for the Celtics the whole series. I was PISSED when Artest hit the series clinching three. That said... This crazy mother fucker is a breath of fresh fucking air. Is he batshit crazy? Hell yes. Is he a player who does as much bad as good at times? Yup. But last night he won a championship. He won Kobe his 5th ring. And he was damn honest about how crazy he was and thanked his psychiatrist over and over again for chilling him the fuck out. That's an important thing for people and athletes to hear. That it's ok to be fucked in the head and get help. Watch the whole clip above. It's well worth it. The real gem comes about 8 minutes 30 seconds in when he talks about the big three he hit at the end of the game. Reminds a Jackal of the time when his own father drew up a play in a playoff game for Head and I had to wave that shit off and just jack a game winning three as they both yelled "nooooo". Much love for this crazy fucker Ron Artest for bringing back memories of Jackals pasts.

WTF?: What's in the box?

Whoa, final scene of 'Seven' times 40 or 60?

GCOTD: France

Dare you go, France! Do you have any idera how fruckin' busy I ram? Handballin' ass bitches. Fluff your pillow. Skkkrrriiiimp!

Jackals Be Sleepin'

Sock chewin' ass ninjas. "Oh, let's just go to work, BMR will post something funny for us to read. Is that Taylor Swift on that Sony camera commercial? She's fuckin' hot!" 

So to all you "jackals" that own cats, go cuddle up with them shits and go asleep. 

Jackal Observation: Taylor Swift, not hot

I'm just tired of companies deciding who I think is attractive. I know I'm getting the "Boogers, you creep, she's a high school kid," but no, several media outlets and corporations have pre-determined the attractiveness or unattractiveness of this no-talent ass clown and I'm not going to take it any more. Taylor Swift, you's busted.

Not only is she not hot, I will bet my right ball she can't play guitar, much less a 12-string! KFTC, Ms. Swift.

Soul Cannon

Old School Ads 5

Old School Ads 4

Old School Ads 3

Old School Ads 2

Best ad for whatever the fuck it is they are selling ever. Hands down. Period. The end.

Old School Ads

Friday Hottie: Miranda Kerr

JOTD: Mark Halperin

That's what's I'm talkin' bout. Drudge Report is the "urge to look at car crashes" that is news websites. KFTC, Matt Drudge. You fuckin' clone.

Jackal Memories of my childhood: Metallica pre-GAFness

gold Jerry.....gold


fitting to what is going on in 'Merica

Hip hop lives forever

G(phobic)COTD: Christian Evangelicals

Shocker. American evangelicals started the Ugandan anti-homosexual movement. Why don't these dudes admit they like screwing other dudes and stop messing with gay people from the guilt.



This gay ass evangelical dude said the gays are "ramming it down their throat" What a fag.

Ugandan bigotry and discrimination = funny and lighthearted sounding but they are still sentencing gay people to death.

American gay dude pretending he is not gay for fear of hell = sad

World Cup Preview!!

Africa is funny as fuck...

Please fix this Obama...for the love of everything Jackal

"Junkshot" - failed (but hilarious name)
"top kill" - failed
"top hat" - failed (fucking Brits...clone ass name)
"cut" and "cap" - failed
Tony CEO GCOTCentury "I want my life back" - major failure KFTC
'Merica - failed
BP "bullshit" "deceive" "flatout lie to everyone" - raving success

For fuck's sake. And this is the best our gubment can muster "Clean this mess up or else we will be really really angry and stuff." 50 days later. Really? We have tanks and shit. Come on Obama, didn't dubya teach you anything? We can just start wars whenever we want. US vs. BP we are bound to win. It is like Persian Gulf I. Braveheart those muthafuckas! FREEEDOOOMM!

Kick anyone's ass please. I'll help.

Shit, find someone to pay me my salary and I'll go down and start cleaning right now. Just fix this shit.

PS we are all addicted to oil and this is all of our faults. (cell phones, plastics, cars, computers, electricity, yada yada yada - all rely on oil production) I am well aware of this and that is what is killing me the most I think. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go send a text message will driving my massive SUV, and drinking out of a plastic water bottle to get a block down the street.

Don't go spending my money BD2...

Don't try and forget about this bet. I'm holding you to it and you're screwed.



plus



You're done son!

All eyes on DC

Jealous?

Apocalypse How: Hamas is Gettin' Upset!

Holy shit, the voiceover is so annoying and I'm sorry. Suffice it to say, Hamas isn't thrilled with our foreign policy. Maybe Barack can take the team of oil well pluggers and ask them to invent a time machine, so we can go back and not invade Iraq. G Dubs, thanks a fuckin' whole lot.

Lynx of the Day: Helen Thomas

So, even the head of The Israel Project seems to think a change of course would be beneficial for all pro-Israel groups. I know a White House representative has to be more politically correct, but I think she just said out loud what everyone else is thinking. "Holy land" is not worth WWIII. Jackal thoughts?

WTF? Extraterrestrials

Are you fucking kidding me?

JOTD: Ball Deep

Ball Deep, for his countless contributions to jackalhood and his philanthropic pursuit of getting awesome. Today we salute BD2x for taking his first steps to bustin' out of NJ. Wish a ninja luck!

GCOTD? Or JOTD? Vodka Eyeballers

Have you ever seen something so bizarre, both so hardcore and so mind-numbingly idiotic, that you can't decide if it's Jackal of the Day material or Gay Clone of the Day material? No? Well then I nominate the participants in what's being called "vodka eyeballing":



Yes, that's right - pouring vodka into your eyeball. So: Jackal? Or clone? Discuss.

And just for fun, here's a toddler smoking:


EMBED-Ardi Rizal - The real SMOKING BABY !! - Watch more free videos

'Til the Beak Falls Off: Korean Peninsula

Protect ya neck.

JOTD: This Bull

Julio Aparicio is apparently a famous bullfighter in Spain. And now, with one misstep, he's famous around the world:


Here's an awesome video about it:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Craziest F#?ing Thing I've Ever Heard - Gored Bullfighter
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

I've got a few more awesome things coming, but we're moving tomorrow morning so they'll have to wait.

Cool Cat

GCOTD: Jim Joyce

Nice mustache, fag! Major league baseball is fuckin' gay anyway, but this guy really fucked up.

JOTD: Paul McCartney

That's what I'm fucking talking 'bout. Tell it like it is, my main jackal. I'm tired of the bullshit. Why don't you hand Emeril Lagasse a dead mouse and a pile of shit and ask him to bake you a cake?  


Of course I picked the picture of a hipped out Paul McCartney! What the fuck did you expect?

Apocalypse How: WWIII

In the words of Peter Lemesurier, author of The Armageddon Script:

"Their script is now written, subject only to last-minute editing and stage-directions. The stage itself, albeit in darkness, is almost ready. Down in the pit, the subterranean orchestra is already tuning up. The last-minute, walk-on parts are even now being filled. Most of the main actors, one suspects, have already taken up their roles. Soon it will be time for them to come on stage, ready for the curtain to rise. The time for action will have come."

This doesn't look good.

An attack on Iraq, Iran and/or Syria as being the trigger to set the entire Middle East into fiery conflagration. Once America is firmly entrenched into the Middle East with the majority of her first-line units, North Korea is to attack South Korea. Then, with America's forces stretched well beyond the limit, China is to invade Taiwan. This will usher in the start of World War Three.

WTF?: Massive Sinkholes

WTF?

Jackal Mathematics: Meatheads + Psychadelics = Bad Things

Holy fuck. This story is disturbing. Read it if you want, but I will cut and paste a sample of why "mixed martial artists" should probably avoid psychotropics:

"The victim and the suspect, according to the testimony, became preoccupied with the idea that a tidal wave was coming, that the end of the world was upon them and that a struggle between God and the devil was taking place."


"Lee was able to cuff Wyatt without incident, and then he proceeded to look at the body on the couch. The body had had the majority of its face removed, and an 18-inch incision in its chest cavity."


"...when he discovered someone straddling another person in the living room talking about cutting off a tattoo."


"She then heard what she believed to be Wyatt and Powell wrestling on the kitchen floor, then talking about surfing. Bailey then said that she saw Powell standing over who she believed to be Wyatt, and that Powell was spitting on him. Bailey testified that she heard sounds she thought were sexual in nature, though she said it could have been something else."


"At one point, she said that the lights in the house were out and she'd covered her head with the hood of her shirt. Bailey said she felt “pressure” on her legs, and Powell's voice saying that he could see her face. She sensed that someone was pointing a sharp object at her."