Unsolicited Investment Advice: BUY Slim Jims

Being in the Dirty South has its advantages. For example, I'm the first Jackal to find out about the explosion and collapse of a Slim Jim factory near here. That sound you hear is meat-eaters all over the country wailing, while vegetarians say...."meh?"

Another perspective: Are we now facing a Slim Jim shortage? This is after all the only plant in the country that makes Slim Jims. Not to go all Jim Cramer (except not gay) on you, but BUY BUY BUY!!!!!* Imagine the drooling hoards of rednecks roaming the streets, half-mad from shriveled semi-fake meat withdrawal.....and you having the stash of Slim Jims to serve them. BUY!!!

*Investment advice may or may not be totally retarded (it also may or may not be better than that spouted on Mad Money). Neither Head nor the Jackals Den are responsible for any losses incurred while adhering to this investment advice. We would, however, appreciate it if you would get us awesome with any profits made from said advice.