I have a work golf outing this Friday. In typical Ball Deep fashion I have committed myself for something and procrastinated doing something proactive to prepare myself until the last moment. There will be some heavy hitters from the company in attendance. We are playing 18 at a local club. I have played golf a total of 4 times in my entire life. I don't even own clubs. I suck ass at golf. I don't even like it. I can barely swing a club correctly as many of you know. This has potential of epic disaster written all over it. Any recommendations for me so that I can attempt to salvage some dignity and maybe even my job? Help a jackal out.
I'm trying to get Stephen's take on this - he plays a lot of golf and works in that kind of corporate environment (at least that's my impression), so hopefully he can offer some tips...
ReplyDeleteOkay he just told me that he'll have to respond tonight as his work blocks this blog and basically anything else cool.
ReplyDeletewe might have to start another blog for after hours jackals because the man is trying to keep us from spreading our message.
ReplyDeleteHit your irons only. They are more forgiving than the driver/woods. The Ball Deep won't go as far, but at least it'll go straight.
ReplyDeleteactual advice, I am pleasantly surprised.
ReplyDeletegood lookin' out...
Yeah and I'm not saying that because I'm good at golf. This is first-hand experience my friend. I am terrible at hitting that ball.
ReplyDeleteGO TO THE FUCKING DRIVING RANGE!
ReplyDeleteBuy some nice cigars and share them with the guys you are playign with and pick up the first round of beers. You might even want to arrange for hookers for the single guys in your foursome. You're going to suck at golf but at least you can save some face by being cool to hang out with.
got that part covered. Just ordered 3 asian hookers for the married guys.
ReplyDeleteYou should be fine then. And don't be slow. Good golfers hate slow players. Suck, but suck fast. Inform the hookers to do the same.
ReplyDelete1. The only time in life you want to always be behind other dudes, golfing.
ReplyDelete2. 1 Beer per hole minimum.
3. Just make sure you can find your ball. Once you hit, mark where it went with something distinctive.
4. Don't walk through someone's line (aka between their ball and the hole)
5. Be quiet when they're hitting
6. Watch Caddyshack beforehand. Don't watch Caddyshack 2
6. Just have plenty of stupid golf phrases at your disposal for when the other guys hit:
"Good ball!" (I know it sounds gay but it actually makes sense)
"Cinderella Story!"; "It's in the hole!!!"; and other quotes from Caddyshack
"Gotta hit it!"; "Nice putt Sally"; (these are said to yourself when you leave a putt short)
"You had the right line" (when someone else leaves a putt short, but on line)
And the worst phrase commonly uttered while playing golf: "Now that's a golf shot"