JOTD: The Jackals

All y'all are my ninjas for real. Much love and respect. Howl if ya hear me.

ps this Nas and Damien Marley album that came out last week is ridiculously good.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: The Republican Party

When told that Puerto Rico was not a country, he said, “I don’t care what you call it.”

I really want to hear that this guy is giving old girl the business. Vaughn, let's her it, gag reflex or no gag reflex?

GCOTD: My Roommate

ACTUAL CONVERSATION:(obviously not)

BMR: Yo, what up, bitch?

Roomie: Ain't shit, ninja. Chillin'.

BMR: Aight, aight. Check it. BMR's office is closing at 1 and a jackal is trying to get awesome. I told my people it would be cool if they came over.

Roomie: Well, shit, BMR, I don't know. I was going to clean the house and go to work on Saturday on a holiday weekend and not, you know, interact with anyone in a social context. Would it be cool if you just went to bed at ten like I do and we could both be miserable and not have fun? Ever?

BMR: Pfft. How about this? I'll clean the bathrooms and pretend right now like we won't come back and be loud after the bars close.

Roomie: Deal.

Guess Who's Back?

Jackal OTA Wednesday June 9

Sonar

Talib Kweli and High Tek are Reflection Eternal

featuring some dudes babyface knows Soul Cannon

Memorial Day Weekend Hottie: Veronique De Kock

So laugh it up, Jackals. Her last name means 'of penis'. Big deal. I'm sure she has an excellent sense of humor and a good grasp of mathematics. Personally, I think a pelt bikini is about as fucking jackal as womens' attire can get. Your boy BMR is gonna be having a cold one by the time you saps are getting back from lunch(office closing early to recognize Memorial Day). This hottie is going out to the men and women in uniform. May they liberate some hot bitches who are forced to wear burkas. I saw one the other day at the zoo. No joke, the zoo. She couldn't even show her eyes. And her douchebag husband was just chillin'. Shirt untucked. Hadn't shaved in a while. Just looking like a fucking douchebag who won't let his wife out of her black outfit. Fuck that guy. America. Fuck yeah.

You Don't Say...: Oilocalypse 2010

Good news was getting old. Fuck.

GCOTD: Chris Chike

KFTC: DRUDGE REPORT

What the fuck is Matt Drudge implying with this quote/photograph? Obama's finger. 'Plug' 'Hole' and 'Daddy' stretched across his "news" page in a "headline". What the fuck is there a close up of his finger for? I guess the more important question is why Boogers checks in with this prick and his ridiculousness in the first place. I fucking hate clones.

F(ormer)JOTD:

Former Jackal behaving NFL star has turned in his mullet for clone behavior.

It appears he got a case of the clones by getting married and decided to cut his mullet and be generally less awesome. This is not the first time we have seen this. KOTJ, Droppa Deuce, Shote Sleeves (married to his job) and Aldente Schwanz or whatever the fuck his name is (married to being gay) have all suffered a similar fate. (DD is making a comeback though by participating in the Montreal awesomeness this summer although his absence in the Den since inception is lamentable.)

Let's hope this systemic problem ends here.

JOTD: Harvey Keitel

Toby? Toby. Toby Wong? Fucking Charlie Chan.

GCOTD: Pat Roberts

"He needs to take a Valium before he comes in and talks to Republicans," Sen.Pat Roberts, R-Kan., told reporters. "He's pretty thin-skinned."

Sen. Roberts, any advice for the president that doesn't involve substance abuse? KFTC, Republican party.

Joint JsOTD: James Carville and Joe McGinnis

This guy is keeping it jackal. Get all up in that Palin family. You know the older one is pretty easy and doesn't like condoms. This guy is calling out Obama and scowling. Check out how pissed he gets at our real live jackal, Barack. The be-all-end-all Jackal of the Day? You decide.

I'm Just Sayin': Go To Hell and Die, Bitch!

Somehow, dumb motherfuckers keep giving this dumb bitch a podium. They're standing in line, believing the lies, bowing down to the flag, they've got a bullet in the head.

Jackal Weekend Plans??

Let's hear 'em

Here's mine:
Friday
3:45PM - sneak out of work early and head directly to bar for pre-game bevarages
7:30PM - go to Madison Square Garden for Pearl Jam/Band of Horses. Continue getting awesome.
1:00AM - go home and go asleep

Saturday
hang out with my kid and Mrs. BD2 and lay low down at the beach.

Sunday
6:30AM - MS Tour with Nuggets and Pontius. 85 miles of coastline and sunshine eating powerbars, powerade and granola...yuck should be an amazing ride though.
2:00PM on - limp across finish line. ride directly to outdoor bar by the ocean (Windrift) and get awesome again.


Monday - come home sleep for 24 hours

Tuesday - back to this shithole. I mean back to work...

fuck.

fuck.

JOTD: Kevin Costner(hear me out)

Okay, clearly the name Kevin Costner and the word 'jackal' aren't synonymous. This jackal has clearly strayed from time to time and been asked to put on terrible southern accents. But check out what he does with his spare time/money...
...and check out his hot ass wife.

GCOTDx2: Floyd Landis

This guy was stripped of his title in '06 for doping. Dominated the hardest stage of the Tour de France with a superhuman effort (obviously impossible) and then swore he didn't dope in court. He then took donations from family and fans, spent his entire life savings, lost his house and his wife trying to prove to everyone he was innocent. He even wrote a book declaring he rode clean his whole career. Then he is relegated to JV bullshit league and no one wants him anymore.

So what does he do? He goes to the officials and says that he cheated because everyone else cheated so they should still give him a chance. That is like saying, I cheated on my exam but so did everyone else so can you pass me? Then he specifically targets his friends/teammates that he rode with for 10 years because if he can't race then they shouldn't be able to either.

One small problem, Lance didn't cheat. Never did. Lance is my hero. He beat cancer, he beat you 7 times deal with it. Do not fuck with me, clone. I am a jackal. Regardless of my bizarre sports interests and funny cycling outfits I am still a jackal and I will UNF your face...bitch.

Douche.

Hans Briixxx

Kim Jong Il is a scary dude. You see what he did to Hans Blix?

"How you like that you fucking cocksucker!" "Inspect that you buttfucking piece of shit!!!"

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Kim Jong Il

This doesn't sound good.

GCOTD: S. Moss

"I ain't got nothing to do with nothing that ain't about me." -Santana Moss's reply to allegations of HGH injections from rehab doctor (same Doc that juiced Gay-Rod)

Well stated Santana…what is that a quadruple negative. Didn’t even know that was possible.

And just when things were going so well sans fat albert drama. I still love Moss, dude's a beast and now we know why. It is just now I have to go and get another jersey.

Quite possibly the funniest thing Pontius has ever said in response to my jersey dilemma:
"It's a pain I'm sure Nuggets knows all too well. Weird feeling, like burying a hamster, you kinda care, you're kinda pissed, and you think twice about buying another one. But in the end you always do. Well... I fed hamsters to the gigantic snake we had growing up so I always had to buy another one, but, you get my point."

Llama or Alpaca?

WTF?: Toilet Brush Manslaughter

Can anyone explain this to me? Head, how is this possible?

RIP: Baby Opossum

My dog went JAF and bit this opossum's head. It was night time and behind my house, so when I looked over and saw it twitching, I thought it was a rat. This was the first time he's killed something. I feel pretty shitty about it.

Gay Clone Invention: Ass Rodents

Holy crap, this is hilarious.

Lynx of the Day: Rep. Betsy Markey

What a sexy bitch.

GCsOTD: Flyers Fans

KFTC, shitheads. Although, with more than 350, 000 miles, a new car might have been in order.

Jackal Juxtaposition: Transformers+G.I. Joe=Awesoeme

I'm not even going to pretend I was old enough to appreciate the jackalness of these two cartoons, but even I know that this channel is doing wonderful things by putting them back on the air, back to back, in a late-night time slot. 10.10.10. Ba-leeve it.

P.S. How gay is this?

WTF?: Alabama

WTF?

GCOTD: Brit Hume and FOX News

Wow really? You are really this stupid, huh?



What the fuck are you assholes talking about??!?!?!

Apparently you have to watch news from other countries to see what is really going on:


BMR, I wonder what India is like this time of year? Maybe we should consider exile there. The Beatles seemed to dig it.

Friday Hottie 5 days early: Nicole Schrizzzingersomethingsomething

Your boy BallDEEP was just flipping through the channels and happened to cross paths with Dancing with the Stars. GAF I know. I could care less..."BD2 Dancing with the stars is GAF, you're GAF, blah blah blah" Fuck you I dont care. This Nicole Shsfhhdahadkfh girl is hot as shit I couldn't turn it off. Well played indeed young lady.

UEPOTD(Unfortunate ESPN.com Photo of the Day: Amare Stoudemire

Lynx of the Day: Miss Oklahoma

Oh, what a baited firestorm of a question posed by none other than Oscar Nunez(sorry I have no squiggle to put over your 'n', Oscar, it's not a racial thing). This chick had an opinion and didn't waiver when people started booing and whatnot. I didn't post to start an immigration discussion, I just want to call jackaldom when I see it. KFTC, whoever wrote that stupid fucking question for a beauty pageant. This post would have a lot more credibility if the chick didn't look like a smoothed out Joan Rivers.

GCOTD:Steve King (Iowa-R)

"I can tell you for a fact, he gets elected because of the very large immigrant population in Sioux City. Mostly cities are liberal. You get lots of people together and they usually find common ground. Not Sioux City. Between the Mexicans, Vietnamese, Laotian and others, the white population has gotten crazy Conservative. Seriously batshit crazy Conservative. If the so-called minorities in Sioux City registered to vote and actually did it, no way this assclown King gets elected."

Sex toys disguised as Exercise machines

I think this may be the best infomercial ever.

BallDeep Is About To Be Fired the Fuck Up: Wall Street sequel

I wasn't crazy about the first one, but it did provide this gem. BD2x on the other hand, he reps the movie Wall Street like Rusty T. reps Alex Jones. However, when you move to NYC(ahem or Jersey) and you're fed to the "financial services" industry, it's pretty much required viewing. As for sequels, fuck it, I 'm not going into sequels, but Shia LaBeouf is a clone ass motherfucker. The fact that his last name is any kind of French really counts against him, but the name Shia sounds like a house cat. Hey LaBeouf family, KFTC.

Jackal Movie of the Day: Machete(unreleased)

This movie looks jackal as fuck. What's really hilarious is ultra conservatives think it's going to cause Mexican Americans to mount an offensive of civil unrest in the wake of Arizona's recent legislation. I haven't watched the Alex Jones YouTube video yet, but I plan on doing so on a portable device as I repel down the side of his house with a machete to kill him while he sleeps. This cast is ridiculous, it includes Don Johnson. I didn't even think that guy was still alive, but Rodriguez is taking one from Tarantino's book and resurrecting an 80s legend to modern day glory. DeNiro, Alba(yum), this crazy Mexican guy with a bunch of scars and jackal looking stuff, some other hot chick whose last name is Rodriguez(check for citizenship), watch the trailer, it's fucking hilarious. Alex Jones, get a good meal tonight. You're a dead man.

Friday Hottie: Evelina Papantoniou

Yeah, Greece's economy is in the shitter. So what? Their women are freaking hot. Seriously, use your non-work internet time to find a photo of this woman's bare breast. It's spectacular. I only wish I could post it here. Don't sleep. Happy Friday, Jackal's Den.

George Michael R.I.P

this is some funny shit from back in the day



Ernie Anastos got all of his good shit from George

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Keep fuckin it fake 'Merica!

Boogerdamus: Travis Fisher + Matt Stover = Charmcity Lombardi

That's Travis Fisher + Matt Stover, yes that Matt Stover = Ravens 2nd Lombardi trophy. Do not sleep. I'm like 10% on B'damus predictions anyway so fuck it.

GCOTAfternoon: Web security and oversuse of hyperlinks

Head you and BMR are some hyperlinking mother fuckers and it is fucking my shit up. I can get into the Den once maybe twice a day now if I am very lucky and dodging these firewalls at work. I am like a Jackal ninja cutting through miles of red tape to get awesome in the Den. And each time I go to one of your tantalizing links I get locked the fuck out again. The real clone here is my employer that is blocking my jackalness like LT blocks doorways to hotel rooms, but can you please be a little less hyperlink happy or at least put a "this is a link to a pro-democratic website that only Head and I want to read link so the rest of you can ignore it." or "this is some hilariously funny shit" like that chuck norris movie cover.

Thank you.

Your Jackal now and always (regardless of clone jackal-blocking behavior from my employer),

BallDEEP

The NBA: It's Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic

The NBA is really making me smile today. Good ole JOTD Charles Barkley goes off on San Antonio and makes fun of the people that live there in the video below.

Then the Cleveland Clones go out and drop a big fat deuce on their home floor in game 5. Making matters better GCOTD Antawn Jamison has sucked up the joint the entire series and was absolutely abused by KG in pivotal game 5. Back when the Wizards traded Jamison I told you the Cavs were fucked. It has now come true. Lebron will leave Cleaveland and they will be stuck with Jamisons crappy contract and marshmallow game. Wiz are on the upswing boys. Baleeve it!

Keep Fucking That Chicken: The Human Race

Hey, human race, you're really outdoing yourself this time. We were already on track to obliterate a third of the planet's plants and animals, but let's throw a couple million gallons of oil in the ocean to make it interesting. Which come to think of it, doesn't do that much for us anyway. KFTC.