It is in a jackal's nature to mark its territory with UNF. Many of us, excluding T-Large and a few others are forced to be out of our natural element in a giant concrete structure with rules and courtesies that make us Jackals feel uncomfortable. Sometimes uncomfortable enough to want to take our shirt off and relax. One of the few places, besides the Den, that a Jackal can escape within the confines of this corporate prison is the shitter. That is why it makes me so damn mad when some fool comes and fucks up my "me" time.Here are a few bonehead maneuvers that I am sure many of you experience on the regular:
* Talking of any sort to another man with his junk out, with only the trust that he is not GAF and a metal separator between the urinals.
* Sink conversations involving local sports teams, commutes to work, weather and lunch room offerings.
* THIS IS A BIG ONE - Acting as if this is a continuation of my cubicle and discussing anything that remotely resembles work or work related issues.
* Continuing a conversation with another user after all functions shitting, pissing, washing of hands are completed. Take that shit somewhere else.
* Eye contact...catch a jackal hungover or tired and your face will become a toilet.
Here are some jackal retaliations to help aide you survive this hellish experience
* Fart audibly either while pissing, shitting or washing hands while maintaining zero facial expression. In extreme cases, you may need to make eye contact while performing this to ensure they get the point.
* Talk out loud on your cell phone to your bitch about what is going down in the bedroom tonight whilst shitting in the stall.
* Make moaning noises as if you were giving birth to Babyface while shitting.
* Rap the vocals to GO TO SLEEP out loud while bobbing head to a non-existent beat at the urinal.
* If all else fails, on your last day of work, or when you lose your shit and are ready for a new job...UNF them muthafuckas.
I got another complaint or two.
ReplyDeleteOld ass fucks with no dick control that piss all over the floor at the urinal. If it's during the morning hours maybe someone had a 3 hour session with an Asian hooker the night before and it was an acceptable accident. If it happens after lunch you need to check yo'self before you wreck yo'self. Jackals don't wanna put their Rockports in bitch piss when they're trying to take a leak. I was actually planning to post on this with a picture from the urinal the next time it happened but BDeep beat me to the punch, kudos.
Dudes making work calls from the stall or the urinal. Are you fucking kidding me? I log 4 hours a day in the Jackals Den and I'm more professional than pulling that Bush League Bullshit.
Seriously, how do you guys have time in your day for this shit. Not that I don't love you for it, but that post clearly took some thought. BD, you gotta be thinkin about lil Linus' future. You lose your job, whose gonna be paying to put you in a home laterwhen your an old ass jackal.
ReplyDeleteAnd to SS's point, how do you even miss at a urinal. With a regular toilet in your home, I get it. Sometimes, there's more than one stream. Especially after acts like the ones that lead to jackie and Linus' existence. But muthafuckas basically stand inside the walls of the urinal. I can't even figure out how its possible to miss that and if you do, doesnt that just mean you hit your pants. This bitches are doing UNF magic tricks.
ReplyDeleteyeah i work with old ass rappers too always prostates, shit goes haywire. And this post took all of 5 minutes. I just getting good at it.
ReplyDeleteWish you be gettin better at Englis in the commants tho.
ReplyDelete