McRib this ones for you!

Stealing Evan's thunder here but Burger King is going to start selling ribs at select locations (read in states that think the confederacy won the Civil War, and Dundulk).

http://citythatbreeds.com/2009/06/burger-king-is-be-gettin-ribs/

You know they're going to suck and you know said locations are going to be in the dirty south but man oh man if we ever make a trip to go see Short Sleeves that would be some awesome late night drunk food. I am thinking they would end up on the BK $ menu of shit or whatever the fuck it's called and you could get a giant greasy bag containing the ribs of 3 actual pigs for something south of $20. Your toilet would never be the same.

Awesome.

Unsolicited Investment Advice: BUY Slim Jims

Being in the Dirty South has its advantages. For example, I'm the first Jackal to find out about the explosion and collapse of a Slim Jim factory near here. That sound you hear is meat-eaters all over the country wailing, while vegetarians say...."meh?"

Another perspective: Are we now facing a Slim Jim shortage? This is after all the only plant in the country that makes Slim Jims. Not to go all Jim Cramer (except not gay) on you, but BUY BUY BUY!!!!!* Imagine the drooling hoards of rednecks roaming the streets, half-mad from shriveled semi-fake meat withdrawal.....and you having the stash of Slim Jims to serve them. BUY!!!

*Investment advice may or may not be totally retarded (it also may or may not be better than that spouted on Mad Money). Neither Head nor the Jackals Den are responsible for any losses incurred while adhering to this investment advice. We would, however, appreciate it if you would get us awesome with any profits made from said advice.

Want a new computer screen?

Try to watch this and NOT punch your computer screen....I dare you.

As I stated yesterday, Prius's are for gay clones. If you need proof positive, review the youtube clip below.

GAF

Case closed.

Jackal Plea for Help: How screwed am I?

I have a work golf outing this Friday. In typical Ball Deep fashion I have committed myself for something and procrastinated doing something proactive to prepare myself until the last moment. There will be some heavy hitters from the company in attendance. We are playing 18 at a local club. I have played golf a total of 4 times in my entire life. I don't even own clubs. I suck ass at golf. I don't even like it. I can barely swing a club correctly as many of you know. This has potential of epic disaster written all over it. Any recommendations for me so that I can attempt to salvage some dignity and maybe even my job? Help a jackal out.

Isn't gay cloning nominating a glay clone thing to do?

Kinda lika the guy who says first..."oh SHIT who the fuck farted?"

(by the way it was me)

Instead I'll submit a daily hot chick (let's start with a G rated since rainbow got tagged)

Gay Clone of the Day: Shia La Beouf/John Travolta

Well couldn't decide which of these was worse so I am nominated them both for today's Gay Clone of the Day award. Both have new movies coming out, both are famous for God knows what, and rest assured both are clearly GAF.

Now I like mindless entertainment as much as the next guy and I wanted to like Transformers with its witty humor and its cutting edge CGI and of course Megan Fox, but really how many producers did this guy suck off to get famous. He is clearly a no talent ass clown in its most definite form. Did anyone waste their time seeing Indiana Jones? Anyone?....OK so I did but that is not the point. The point is this guy sucks......a lot.

That brings us to Mr. Travolta. Yes, he has had some recent tragedy and I do feel for his family on that. He also made disco cool for a least a year. That said, Travolta has not made a good movie since Pulp Fiction. And that was not good because of him but rather good even though he was in it. I mean without Samuel L. Jackson he would have just been a fat heroin addict with a cool car anyway. Let's go down the list of why he sucks. Broken Arrow, Broken Arrow, Broken Arrow, Hairspray, Ladder 49, Swordfish, Battlefield Earth (apparently had to look this one up), Phenomenon, Look Who's Talking, Wild Hogs, he flys his own personal fleet of commercial aircrafts, he is friends with Oprah, he believes in aliens or scientology or whatever they call it these days, and he is John Travolta.

So congrats Tinseltown tossers you are tied for today's whole lot of suck award.

Bloodbath

No, I'm not talking about what you get when you cross a jackal. Rather, I'm talking about what you get when your crazy kid trips forehead first into the corner of a door. As Damon or Schubert know from Manor Woods, heads bleed a lot. This is what my shirt looked like afterward - that blood came out of my 25 lb kid in about a minute or two, and that's what made it past the cloth we were holding to the wound and didn't end up on our (freshly cleaned) carpet. Random trips to the ER are the shit! He had a wide gash on his forehead but they fixed it up with Dermabond.

Two takeaways from this:

• Ball Deep, every time you encourage your Baby Jackaline to walk, you're setting yourself up for this.
• ScarShoulders, maybe you shouldn't make a baby after all. The last thing SSette needs is to be rousing her husband with smelling salts while she holds a bloody cloth to her kid's forehead.

By the way, he's alright; five minutes after the fall happened, it was like he'd forgotten all about it and wanted to run all over the house again (even though his head was still bleeding). He's a tough little Jackal...

This is Amazing

I bought one of these today.  I wanted to get a "Dallas Sucks" one too, but I figure this is good enough for now.

http://frostybeerman.com/duke-sucks-beer-koozie.html

Jackals Dream Garage

Many people say vehicles are for transportation and nothing more.  Others say guys that are into cars are compensating for something, or that you are not being a good citizen if you don't get good gas mileage.  To all of these kinds of people I say...fuck you.  Here are some rides that any Jackal would be happy to rock on the regular or in most of these cases super.  Prius's are for gay clones.

Steve McQueen's 250 GT...sold for a cool $2.3m

 Ducati Sport Classic
Morgan Aeromax
 Jesse James '54 Mercury
 Nissan GT-R R34

 Rat Rod...no idea what it is, but who wouldn't want this??

If you don't know what this is cut your dick off right now.
Triumph Street Triple SE
Why yes that is Steve McQueen doing a burnout...OG Badass

Jackal Childhood Memories: Pink Elephants

So I couldn't find the original of this because Disney is now the giant gay clone corporation churning out mindless CGI entertainment for the masses, but there was a when Disney was churning out some seriously Jackal material.  I can remember this scaring the living UNF out of me as a kid.  Baby Jackaline will be watching this as soon as she is old enough, in my case that was three years old.  With assistance from outside substances you can still capture its awesomeness today.  I mean really they got so drunk they saw this?? Where can I sign up?

 
Disney was on some good shit back in the day