Jackal Invention: Phototonic Chip

I couldn't resist the photographic implications on this post. This is some jackal ass shit. You know BMR be hatin' on that electricity, hypocritical as it may be while blogging, but this will apparently put the Den even easier to jackal it up in.

JOTD: Ray Lewis III

I feel bad for the school they dropped this mess on, but that's a hell of a day. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose. For those of you too lazy for hyperlinks,


"He registered 206 yards and two TDs on punt returns, 101 on kickoff returns, 104 rushing, 27 receiving and 66 on passing, where he completed 6 of 6 attempts. The son of Baltimore Ravens LB Ray Lewis also had six tackles and a pass deflection."

Defend This: Toy Store Jerkoff (literally)

Alright, Head. You and your legal savvy going to come to this guy's defense? Just kidding, they're not comparable, but they are both going to lose their job.

Go Fuck Yourself: Derek Fenton

This is far beyond Gay Clone of the Day. This guy is a fuckin' idiot, had a shitty job and now he's really fucked. Hey, Derek, I like my McDonald's 1/4 pounder without pickles alright? Just kidding, I don't eat at McDonald's. That midsection leads me to believe you do. Go Fuck Yourself!

GCOTD: T-Large

***CHAT TRANSCRIPT***

me: go ahead and change that away message (T-Large's Away Message: J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!)

T Large: ugly game

me: whatever

it was beautiful

T Large: i think they will meet in the playoffs though

me: you got some work to do

T Large: i dont see too many teams beating either of them

10:39 AM me: sanchez is a douche

T Large: i also dont see how ravens fans think they were that much better than the jets

they both looked like shit

me: obviously you don't watch much football

T Large: ok

me: it's not ravens fans doing all the talking

T Large: so the ravens looked good?

10:40 AM me: it's sports writers

yeah

T Large: right

me: turnovers 3-1 Jets

and you lost

Ravens are nasty

10:41 AM T Large: didnt you get beat up by one of your own fans?

me: that's hilarious 

T Large: haha

10:42 AM me: go back and watch the game

look at our field position

T Large: i watched the game

me: and look at yours

then tell me why you lost

T Large: i know the jets sucked

me: or how the ravens looked "bad"

T Large: they sucked ass too

im not doing this anymore

me: aren't you from Jersey?

T Large: whatever

me: why don't you move back?

T Large: the ravens were spectacular

they were flawless

grade a

all the way

10:43 AM they need not improve

they are the best ever!

me: what's it like getting fired up for sports when you have no idea what you're watching

?

T Large: ha

me: talking a bunch of crap when you have no idea what you're talking about?

10:44 AM T Large: ok

you are a football mastermind

good for you

10:45 AM me: at least you have the yankees

in baseball you CAN go buy championships

not in the NFL though

T Large: and i am a good winner

i dont talks hit nonstop after my teams beat people

10:46 AM me: no you talk shit when you lose

that's worse

T Large: it was a good game

i said they would meet in the playoffs

because that means they are good

they both need to improve a lot though

10:47 AM they both played pretty poorly on offense

i dont see whay you are taking what i said way out of context

unless you just like fucking with me while im extremelyh hung over

Working Monday Is For Sucks When Your Boys Play On Monday Night Football

Goddamnit. I can't get anything done today. I just want to get awesome and listen to clone-ass ESPN reporters hype tonight's game some more. I really should have called out sick today.

KFTC: Sheyla Hershey

American dreams so rarely get to come true. All Sheyla Hershey ever wanted was some 'M Cup'-sized breasts.

Redskins 13, Cowboys 7

I don't watch much NFL these days, but I watched most of this one and damn if it wasn't crazy as shit - in particular, those two half-ending plays were absolutely ridiculous:

• Dallas runs an offensive play with four seconds left in the first half and everyone assumes it's going to be a Hail Mary. But instead, it winds up being a half-assed lateral and Tashard Choice fumbles as he tries to break a meaningless tackle, which is then returned for Washington's only TD of the game (and, eventually, the game-deciding points) with 00:00 on the clock.
• Dallas has the ball at the Washington 12 with 00:03 left in the game, down 13-7. Romo escapes from the pocket and flips the ball to a wide-open Roy Williams for what appeared to be the game-winning touchdown. But the officials had called a penalty (for a very obvious hold as it turned out) and, rather than losing, the Redskins won as the game ended on the offensive penalty.

Crazy. Congrats BD1 and BD2...

P.S. That call against Calvin Johnson's should-have-been game-winning catch today was atrocious...

Gut-punch

Well, for his first live football game, my kid got to witness college football history: The second time that a ranked team has ever lost to a Division I-AA (FCS) team, after Michigan's stunner to Appalachian State a few years ago. So in other words, he got to watch the worst performance in Virginia Tech football history.

Obviously, this was a terrible, terrible performance. Still, I think Matt Hinton is very, very wrong when he says that VT is "a truly awful team right now." First of all, there were some obvious mitigating factors:

• They had had less than five days since their previous game, by far the shortest turnaround I've ever heard of in college or pro football. The game on Monday ended at midnight or so, so they didn't get back to Blacksburg until probably at least Tuesday afternoon. Today's game was at 1:30. A coach doesn't accept that kind of schedule unless they are damn sure they can beat the second opponent with hardly any preparation. Apparently Beamer wasn't sure enough.
  
• Moreover, they were coming off a devastating loss, a game against a big-time opponent that they had led for probably 75% of the second half, then lost with a minute left. It's hard to imagine a scenario - quick turnaround, disappointing loss, crappy opponent - where a team could be more down for a game.
  
• It was pouring pretty much throughout the game today. It started right at kick-off and only came down harder as the game went on.
• This game was a borderline neutral-site game. Tech students and alums were fairly liberal in giving tickets to JMU fans, presumably because we beat them 90-0 in the last two games combined and it didn't figure to be much of a game. Moreover, because we took an early lead and our defense was dominating (outside of a fluky 77-yard TD, they had something like 17 yards in the first half) and because of the pouring rain, a surprising number of VT fans left early. (I'll admit to being guilty on this count, though only because I was responsible for a soaking wet two-year-old. Being a parent is a bitch sometimes.) It wasn't scary at all in the first half, so I think everyone just assumed that VT would coast to something like a 27-7 victory.
  
• This was pretty clearly a fluky loss. Case in point: VT punted zero times today. But an interception, two fumbles, a turnover on downs, and three field goals meant that JMU didn't have to do much on its possessions to win.

Moreover, five days ago VT stood toe-to-toe with one of the best teams in the country and played them even. (Unless you want to argue that Boise State isn't one of the best teams in the country, but they're returning 20 of 22 starters from last year's 14-0 squad, so I don't really see it.) So to say Tech is an awful team right now is the laziest kind of "what have you done for me lately" analysis.

So, a prediction: Tech has some problems on the defensive line, and maybe on the offensive line, too. We might not make it to 10 wins for the whateverth straight year, but we're going to win 8-9 games, make a bowl, and have a shot at the Coastal Division of the ACC like we always do. And you'll never hear me say "X team played really shitty today. Never mind all other evidence, man do they ever suck."

Anyway, did I mention that VT played embarrassingly shitty today?

Better late than never...

1 year ago your boy started a new thread at the Den "know your Terps". It didn't really get off to a good start as the Terps got lit up and Tate didn't really play that much or very well at all but fast forwards 365 days and what do we have? Kenny Tate named defensive player of the week for college football and added to the watch list for national defensive player of the year. Your boy Scar Shoulderamus might be early to the party on occasion, but he's always there. Baleeve it.