Saturday June the 13th, the year of our Jackal 2009, was much like the month of March. In like a lion and out like a lamb. Your faithful narrator had quite a Friday evening, as was
explained in some detail in an earlier post. After rising with the sun and walking 15 blocks to Union Station I settled into a metro bench and waited 19 minutes for the next red line train, Glenmont bound..
Upon entering the train I settled into a back right chair and attempted to enjoy the pulsating rythems of my iPod Nano while keeping my eye out for any metro shenanigans. I also kept track of the metro stops as they went by to ensure I did not miss my chance to photograph a tag of the word "STRIKE" I had seen on my way into the city the night before. I would get into greater detail here why this tag would be a fine picture to have, but in the spirit of keeping this post short and to the point I will leave that for another time. Once I passed the Brookland station I knew the tag was upcoming and I readyed my camera phone. I saw the tag, I hit the button, and . . . . . . . drats!
I missed!!
This first epic fail of the day would not damper my spirits however, for today, I had all you can eat crabs to conquor.
Upon returning to Silver Spring I picked up my trustee stallion from the garage I left it in the night before and made my way home. After a 2 hour nap and a short conversation with the Mrs. I readied myself for the tassk at hand. I took the dog for a short walk, drank a couple of glasses of water, and even talked to Boogers about the hilarity of the night before. Eventually the time of departure was upon us, and I asked Heather if she wouldn't mind driving. Into the Civic we went.
A short drive back tracking into Silver Spring was in order to pick up Heathers friend Beth. Beth was kind enough to pick me up a Starbucks iced coffee which I sorely needed. "Big" was the size I ordered, it was not enough...
We made our way back over to the Beltway and headed off to Annapolis MD and Cantlers Riverside Inn. The drive was quite scenic and pleasant although I was a bit hungover, and many laughs were had recalling the tomfoolery of the night before. We were running a bit late so I sent Evan a text "running a bit late, save us crabs". Eventually we made our way down the windy road to Cantlers and desended upon the fine dining establishment.
Upon our arrival pleasantries were exchanged and I sat down to the all you can eat crabs. Some of you may be crab "picking" (this means eating) novices so I will now quickly let you know how it is done.
Step One: Select a Crab
Pick a nice heavy crab with large claws. Turn the crab upside down to determine if it is a male or female. Some people prefer the taste of male crabs (also known as “Jimmies”) to female crabs (or “Sooks”). Jimmies and Sooks are easy to tell apart by the shape of the apron in the center of the crab’s underside. Jimmies have a long and narrow apron that looks like an upside down “T”. Sooks have a semi-circular, bell shaped apron that comes to a point at the top. We were eating Jimmies, we aren't assholes.
Step Two: Remove the Crab’s Claws and Legs
Snap off the two large claws at the body of the crab and set them aside for later. Remove the crab’s smaller legs next. If you pull carefully, some meat may be found at the end of each joint to give you just a teaser of what you will find inside. 
Step Three: Open the Crab
With your thumb or knife, pull back the tip of the apron on the underside of the crab. Snap the apron off at the joint where it meets the top shell. This will separate the body of the crab from the shell. With both hands, pull the body and the shell apart. With the body of the crab exposed, remove the face area, scrape off the gills and the yellowish, mustard like substance in the center. The mustard can be eaten, but the gills, also known as Devil Fingers, should not. I personally don't eat the mustard and scrap it away with my knife.
Step Four: Picking the Crabmeat
Break the remaining part of the body in half and then break each half again, exposing the chambers containing solid white crabmeat. Use the knife or your fingers to pick the crabmeat away from the cavities of the crab’s body.
Step Five: Don’t Forget the Claws AND LEGS
Pick up one of the claws set aside back in Step Two. Pull the claw apart at the joint. If you separate the joint carefully, you may be able to pull the crabmeat out of the claw shell. If not, crack the claw shell with a mallet or knife and pull the meat out from the cavity. In these touch economic times and with Blue Crabs being somewhat depleted dont neglect eating the legs as well. Just crack those suckers in half above the top joint and suck the meat out. Waste not want not. 
Step Six: Enjoy, Repeat
Picking crabs may seem like daunting work at first, but when you taste the rewards of your labor you will come to understand the popularity of Maryland Blue Crabs. Plus when you are done it will look like you did somethign awesome. p>Now some of our crew was a bit tired and hungover to go the all you can eat route. The some of our crew I am referring to is 
Beth(left) and Heather
(right).
They both opted for the crab cake sandwich which came with a side of fries and coleslaw. I should add that the all you can eat crabs included fries, 'slaw', and even grilled corn on the cob! Quite a deal for $27.95!!
Oh boy, looks like someone was hungry (or had a hungry hungover husband who ate half her sandwich and most of her fries but doesn't like coleslaw)!!
Many of you would be happy to know the Jackals blog was talked a bout quite a bit. The takeover is in full effect. Apparently many of the attenders of the event have seen the blog, read the blog, like the blog, but may be somewhat afraid to post on the blog. Our reputation proceeds us as ball busters.
Well one thing led to another and I had to excuse myself to head to the lavatory. On my way there I noticed a lovely chalk board with the steps to eating a crab.
I remembered my days at The Crab Shanty, in Ellicott City, and wondered why they didn't have such a helpful board. I recall with some terror two Asian American businessmen who had no idea how to eat MD Blue Crabs that were actually chewing them shells and all to get the meat out. I would have helped them out but was afraid I may insult them and cost my waiter a precious tip. If only they had gone to a more helpful establishment... but I digress.
Upon relieving myself in the lavatory (which was quite clean for a crab pickin bar) I found this most nostalgic picture on the wall of Rick Sutcliffe.
For those of you that don't remember Sutcliffe he broke into the majors in 1979. He won 17 games for the Los Angeles Dodgers and was the first of four consecutive Rookies of the Year for the Dodgers from 1979–1982 (Steve Howe, Fernando Valenzuela, and Steve Sax were the others).
Later in his career Sutcliffe spent three years with the hometown Baltimore Orioles. Signing with the Baltimore Orioles, Sutcliffe went 16–15 and 10–10 in 1992 and 1993, starting the first game at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. I have many fond memories of watching The Red Baron pitch at The Yard...
Upon returning to the table it was about time to settle up the tab and head home. I wished Evan 
a happy birthday and made him promise to give James and Ryan shit for being gay clones and not posting enough at the bar crawl that evening.
At this point in time it was around 1:30 PM and the day was still young my friends. We re-entered the Civic and headed west bound on route 50 and . . . . . . .
JUST IN CASE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS DIDN'T KNOW I'M SCAR SHOULDERS AND I RUN THIS SHIT!! IF I WANNA POST A SOMEWHAT SERIOUS POST TO GET OUR READERSHIP UP ON AWESOME VODKA THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK I'M GOING TO DO! YOU WANT ME TO GET SARCASTRO GANGSTA AND FLOOD THE BLOG WITH 10,000 WORDS OF BORING ASS SHIT? YOU WANNA FUCKIN DARE ME TO GET NUTS? HOW MANY PEOPLE KISSED YOUR SHOES? WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU JUMPED OFF A 50 FOOT CLIFF? HOW MANY BATTLE SCARS DID GOD BLESS YOUR BACK WITH? CRADLE TO THE GRAVE SON. TWO WORDS SON: BALEEVE IT!
Just hours after "cracking the whip" on his jackal minions for skrimpin' efforts, dude is audacious enough to undermind the Den as he created it, in his own image. 
I'm personally scrubbing down the Jackals Den with Monkey Farts. Ha, I can't believe that COULD be a real sentence.
So you know this lady gets all kinds of frisky in the sack. She can't even keep her ham hocks off this toy wooden horse. I'm just saying, when your lady has to do the "mom" and get the mom do, she's still gonna need that lovin'.
This bullshit actually has a title. It's called Tear of the Clouds. You don't have to write 3000 words to be as gay. I want the Jackals Den back. I feel like I fell for his tricks. That horrendous post may have been tha' Shoulda's call to all you skrimps watching this blog go by. Shoulders, please keep the word count down. I'm not reading. That's fine and all, but, the shit sucks.
