Jackal come lately: Five Guys

Ol' Filthy and SS have been reppin' Five Guys for the longest, but that shizzle just started to jump off in Dirty Jersey recently.  I was a 5G virgin until tonight so although I have heard stories, I had yet to see, smell and devour for myself.  

After working a 12 hour shift I knew a Turkey and swiss wasn't going to get the job done, so I popped off at Gary's Wine and Spirits (you have to see this place, any beer you can imagine and aisles and aisles of wine...if you are into that sort of thing.) I picked up my weekly sleeve of silver bullets and a six pack of random micro brew.  Today happened to be Cricket Hill American Lager brewed down the street from me... not bad i might add.  

While doing the standard debate of Pizza or Chinee Foo Spesha derivery that comes with a long work day, I happened across a beacon of red light that called to me like a jackal's howl deep in the foothills of the Broconos.  It read "Five Guys".  What an amazing place.  Think Chipotle meets Jerry's.  I ordered up a "regular" cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onions and pickles.  The cashier called my name and I had to ask her to be sure she gave me the right order.  The grease covered bag weighed at least 2-3 lbs.  Not one but 2 massive patties carefully crafted on a giant grill of grease by a culinary master in a floppy red hat.  Heaping toppings and cheese crammed atop and placed perfectly in a grease filled aluminum sleeve of goodness.  A small styrofoam 80z cup was placed in a paper bag along with 25 tons of fried potato...peanut oil.  baalleeevvee it.

Let me tell you Jackals.  After the first bite, I can tell you this is probably the best burger I have ever eaten.  I then completed the feast by devouring more french fries and washed them down with a few bottles of Cricket Hill.

A feast fit for a jackal, indeed.

Balloon Boy go suck a cock

Hey nerd (and you know who you are) do you really think we live in caves with no TV, online access, WHO THE FUCK doesn't know about fucking ballon boy?

More importantly, POP QUIZ: what happens when below disappears?




FUCK IF I REMEMBER, but I WON BITCH!

We are going for round #2! Mr. Daniels you are the fucking shit!

Balloons and Weed

Going back to something we talked about last week:

Crazy shit that it turned out to be fake. That family is fucked up...

In other news, did anyone notice the Obama administration's announcement that they'll reverse Bush's approach and basically leave states alone when it comes to medical marijuana? From the memo:

As a general matter, pursuit of these priorities should not focus federal resources in your States on individuals whose actions are in clear and unambiguous compliance with existing state laws providing for the medical use of marijuana. For example, prosecution of individuals with cancer or other serious illnesses who use marijuana as part of a recommended treatment regimen consistent with applicable state law, or those caregivers in clear and unambiguous compliance with existing state law who provide such individuals with marijuana, is unlikely to be an efficient use of limited federal resources.

One of those states is Maryland. I think BMR just found a tumor...
In other news, can we get rid of this margin on the left hand side of the Den? I got a gap of 1 5/8" (yes, I measured) between the left edge of my screen and the left edge of the banner and posts. It means smaller pics, missing stats, etc.

For fucks sake...

Look at this.

Did you look at it? You need to look at it.

Now have you looked at it?

Cammo fucking football uniforms?? Jesus Titty Fucking Christ. It's like they are daring us to get extra drunk and obnoxious.

Do you think reminding Tico of war is going to make him less insane? Or needlessly violent? Me either.

Anubis Maximus, this is going to be awesome...

Jackal Self Help Series: Do not Sleep.

If you saw these dudes (especially the guy with the mustache) in the street you would never think twice about calling them GAF or at least hollering expletives at them.  GAF they may be but they could still kick some serious ass.  Next time you are jackalin' it up at the bar and fools get loud.  Drop their ass with a carbonated beverage attack or rapid nut punch.

Even if you don't watch my videos...do yourself a favor watch at least the first 30 seconds.  But if you make it to 1:15  you will not be disappointed.  "Bleeah,  HHHUggghh!"  sooo fucking funny.  

Guilty as Charged

Yup, pretty much:





I'd say more, but well, I got an ass to wipe...

UPDATE: BMR has requested an explanation, which is as follows: The rise in laptops has allowed people to bring their computers with them into the bathroom, which has allowed them to have IM conversations or create blog posts (such as this one) while sitting on the toilet. It's really a pretty sweet development.

As for humor, my intent was to force any viewers of said post to picture me sitting on the toilet while drinking their coffee early on a Monday morning. Which makes me laugh, if not you.

Fuck the NFL

Can someone explain to me why instead of watching Saints-Giants or Ravens-Vikings I'm stuck with these abominations? The combined record of these four teams is 3-16 (0-13 against real teams).

I live no less than two and half hours from Charlotte and four hours from Washington, so why the fuck am I forced to watch shitty games when there are good games on?

Update to last week's post: The Redskins' last 5 opponents are 3-2 against the 'Mericans but 0-22 against everyone else (excluding today's game between the Bucs and Panthers). Daniel Snyder...wow.

Gay Clone vs. Jackal

vs.



Any Questions?

Dont axe me how I found this

I cant 'splain it either except to say that I was born 1/4 white trash/redneck.

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/index.php?s=88d5b351aa686e07392fb5b4da837f1e

This shit is Jerry Springer on the internet and fascinating. Definetly makes you not want to go to a federal pound you in the ass prison (or in SS's case, a Federale's ).

Hilarious B. Dizzle 2nd post of the night out!

"As the late, great, Col. Sanders once said' I'm too drunk to taste this chicken!'"

As I am currently in the aforementioned Kolonel Krispy's state, I decided I would share two of the dirt mcgurt's recipes for chiken. 1st one, I just did tonite.

Red Chicken Chili- (b/c I don't know what the fuck make's it white chicken chili- i forgot okay)

Saute 1/2 of a red onion in a sauce pan. Put 3 cubed boneless skinless chicken breasts in, stir until white. Add a 16 oz. can of pinto beans, a big ass can of diced tomatoes, and two big ass handfulls of jalapenos, chili seasoning mix, handful of cumin, double handful of oregano, handful of coarse/seasalt, double handfull of ground pepper, some more miscellaneous spices and simmer and stir over low heat for an hour and a half or so (or until hungry) then eat.

Jalapeno and Goatcheese stuffed chicken-

Butterfly however many chicken breasts you are cooking. Insert some solid goat cheese (mozzarella) and a big ass handful of jalepenos into the middle. Sprinkle with pepper and oregano. Close up breasts with moistened/soaked wooden toothpicks/money metal spears. Rub outside with any type of McCormick Steak/Chicken/Pork seasoning. (I use steak seasoning b/c there is not much difference between the 3.) Put on an aluminum foil covered broiler pan. Insert into pre-heated broiler. After about 5 minutes (a canned beer/cigarettes worth of time) flip over and repeat after 5 minutes. Then, apply some brown/stone-ground mustard to chicken and let carmelize/glaze over for a few minutes, then repeat on the other side. Next, crack a few beers and enjoy.


P.S. I know this is not a recipe for raw ass red meat, but every ninja jackal knows how to make that, so I thought I would throw out some recipes for some lesser ass meat to make it less pussy.

P.P.S. Mariah Carey is probably the only the only person on earth that I would toss her salad. Holler!