Jackal Prophecy Fulfilled: Jackals See the Light

Jackals don't say "I told you so". That's not what this is about. It's about a free exchange of ideas and high velocity fecal and urine. My Jackals, as you stretch and yawn from your summer hibernation, be sure to keep your heads on their respective swivels. Bitch juice guzzlers are gunnin' your jackal ass day and night. Ouzo is not that bad by the second glass. I'll post tomorrow about how I feel at my 6:30am studio taping. I just wanted to say it was a long time coming, but I think haters/ninjas/doubters/eli's, whatever you want to call them, are starting to recognize the brute force that is, the Jackals Den. DO NOT SLEEP!

Gay Clone of the Day: Burress Giant Loser

Once again Creed's My Own Prison applies to one of my posts. Good Lord is Creed GAF. Almost as fucking gay as Burress shooting himself in a club and now going to Federal pound me in the ass prison for 2 years for it. As the Simpson's bully so poignantly says: HA!HA!

Here is what GAF Eli Manning had to say about it:

"duh....duh....I beat Paayyton eatin' Oreos twice...duh"

Giants be some SSSKKKKKKEEEEERRRRIIIMMPPPPSSS!!

PS GO SKINS!!!

I'M BACK...GO ASLEEP!!!!

Where has a jackal been?  Have you been lost without me?  Apparently so because shooting elephants falls under the weird category and TICO is basically photoshopping porn to get it in the Den.  

Not that I am complaining, I am happy to see that we are finally getting new posts and more Jackals doing their thing.   Although I now understand how all those other fools felt when this shit jumped off in the beginning.  A few days away and there is so much goodness that it is difficult to digest in one sitting.  Jackals are keeping shit live.  That's what this shit is all about. Let your balls hang out and say whatever the hell you want.  Shit, What Would Steven Do?? Blow off some steam of course.  

Here is what a jackal (note:  not ninja) has been up to these past few weeks during my absence from the Den.

You may remember the Windjammer as my post nuptials awesomefest in Stone Harbor, NJ. Note that all of the below all left our baby jackals at home in this picture (yep now that I am almost 30 this is considered getting awesome):

Respect your Jackal elders.  These Silver Foxes are rollin' propa.  Getting drunk with both pairs of in-laws??  Surely you jest??  No, my jackals...word is bond.

Pre-getting awesome at a wedding in Dirty Jerz.  The gift bags were Giants bags.  Ours mysteriously was torn up and thrown in the hallway by some drunkass jackal.
Showing these Northerners how to eat crabs.  Yes that is the mancation tshirt...again.
Me and Jackie catching some rays.
The kid I will be kicking the shit out of in 16 years for trying to hook up with my daughter.  Jackie's get-up courtesy of BMR.

How Many Posts Does It Take to Get to the Center of Rusty T.'s Pitch Black Demented Soul?

Just one.

Jackals FF League

SS expressed interest in this, and mentioned some others might be as well, contrary to my ninja boogers beliefs. I set up a 12 team league on yahoo and some of you got invitations. Anybody that didn't get one, send me an email if you are interested.

Nuggets? Are you around on Friday?

How do you think this baby got where he is? It wasn't easy, jackal brethren. Look at his steely eyes, his George W. Bush-like resolutionness. I wouldn't take shit from this baby unless I was his father and I had to change his diaper so my wife didn't make me a sexual hostage. But utmost importantly, Nugs, I'm going to be on Massachussetts Ave. Friday afternoon. Work should wrap up in the 2-3pm range. What do you say we go drop some servage on the ol' Salvadoron? I say we time it up with ScarShoulders getting off of work, maybe ol' Filthy, who knows? We could probably score a preseason football game. But we'll want to get the fuck out of Alexandria ASAP. If you got other top secret missions to choose to accept, it's cool, but notify this ninja. Jackals Day in Court: September 11, 2009(not a cruel joke, really the court date)

-BMR out

Boog Caught the Shaft

So any Jackal that KNOWS BMR knows how seriously this ninja approaches his dealings with the sandwich, the hoagie, the grinder and all bread-based food forms that inspire, clog arteries and generally jackal up the tables upon which we sup.

Now BMR has a rockin' cool office and there's a monthly "Throwdown", no joke it's called a throwdown. So I posed a challenge, a sandwich challenge. My opponent and I exchanged proper proportions of shit talk, but the day arrived. Boogers brought his A game, my ninjas. It was a massive Italian loaf, the spread was dubbed, "Maryland Blue Crab Backfin Roulade", romaine, red onion, banana pepper, jalapeno jack cheese, bacon and roasted turkey breast. Having never sampled the sandwich, I submitted it to a panel of judges. I handly captured the flavor portion of the judging, but somehow lost to an open-faced hors dourve or however the fuck you spell it on some kind of toast, prosciutto and oranges. Not sure why there was more than a flavor category, but it feels, to me, like I wasted $70.00.  No cash prize or anything, but madd heads complimented my sandwich. You tell me, turkey, bacon, pepper jack, banana peppers vs. prosciutto and oranges.

Wedskins Fans Awe Scawed

Saturday night I attended an epic birthday celebration for one Voicemail Nuggets.

During said celebration I was fortunate enough to sit with Pontius and CCQQ99 problems. 99 was laughing at the awesomeness that was being gotten and exclaimed "I can't wait for football season!!" Apparently he is only allowed to get awesome for birthdays and football, but I digress...

Then unprompted he shouted "shut the fuck up Lee, fuck you!" At this time Pontius punched me in the arm and was all "Dont say anything"

SS "I didn't"

Pontius "I know just don't it's Voicemails birthday. Lets just agree to 'Go Terps'"

This we toasted too, before Pontius babble and pleaded more for me to not talk shit about his team.

Jesus the fear is pathetic, almost as pathetic as getting rolled up 23-0 by the Ravens while the drop 500 yards on your ass on national TV after all your dumb ass fans proclaimed you were headed to the Super Bowl and had a great defense.

You loser's watching Monday Night Football right now? You see how a REAL TEAM handles their fucking business? Panthers get the ball, 3 and out.

Giants get the ball and are driving to score and a BS penalty call takes it away from them.

1 first down and punt for Panthers.

Giants march down the field for a TD.

That's how you handle your business and put in work.

and Zorn is a gay clone if I ever have seen one.

BALEEVE IT!

ps any jackal that wants to put a bottle of black label on the skins/giants game week one, bring it on

Intercontinental Road Trip

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/terrapins-insider/2009/08/neal_to_play_overseas.html

Lets go watch the Bear of College Park play basketball this winter in Northern Ireland.

"Long Pork" Cutz

Alright, you are trapped in an elevator with 2 other scrimps. You have been trapped for 5 hours. It is getting toward lunchtime, and you are hungry. You meet eyes with the only other man in the elevator, and make a motion towards the plump chick crying in the corner.

What part do you eat first? Personally, I think the biceps/triceps area would taste delicious, maybe like wings, if you could cook them, but chewy and satisfying if you had to eat it raw. List your choice cuts.

Also, the video above balances my hatred of Chris Matthews anti-american bashing by bashing the GOP, I guess. I just like to see people shoot elephants.