Obama rewrites Clancy on 60 Minutes Next!

Bet you believed him when he said he would end the wars too. Whoops! Maybe next term right? Even though the president promised his Afghan occupation would conclude in July 2011, military officials have admitted that sometime in 2014 is more likely. Elsewhere, American forces are dropping more bombs on more countries today than at any point during the Bush administration, with continued occupation forces in two massive countries even as they stage aerial bombardments of Pakistan, Libya and Yemen.

If you HOPE and BELIEVE you have faith and then if you want to get a job done the answer is YES YOU CAN!!!

Boogerdamus: Caps Advance to Round 3

I know it to be so, because this mullet-clad ass clown predicted the Caps in the Stanely Cup Finals last year and we got bounced in the first round. He can go shove his mullet up Stamkos' ass. Go fuck yourself, B-Mel!

Go To Sleep: Osama bin Laden

By mid-February, intelligence from multiple sources was clear enough that Obama wanted to "pursue an aggressive course of action.(aka "keep it jackal")"

Testify, Jackal!: Steve Hallett and John Wright

Imagine there's no oil. It's easy if you try.

Friday Hottie: Jennifer England

Apocalypse How: USA/Iran

"This year will be a difficult year. Fasten your seatbelt and put on your iron-clad boots. Soon commotions will be heard."

Paul for 2013

It's fucking on.

Psst...Mama Earth is Fucking Pissed, Yo

Yo, word to your moms, she be pissed, yo.

Go To Sleep: Pittsburgh Penguins

Is somebody preparing for a new career without shots to the head? What a little bitch. Suck one, Crysby!

Jackal Coping Mechanisms: Fake Bedtime Stories

I can't really relate to the hardships of parenting, otherwise I'd probably make Adam Mansbach Jackal of the Day. Actually, fuck it, nobody else comes to mind.

"But as any good fiction teacher will tell you, you’ve gotta write what you know. And last summer, Mansbach knew that it was taking for-freaking-ever to get his 2-year-old daughter, Vivien, to go the f@#ck to sleep. He posted an exasperated lament on Facebook, and his friends told him to write a book. So he did."