Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Hottie: Famke Janssen






So a little jackal research led me to discover this fine peesh of aish was born in the Netherlands. So BMR could wed her and then she could move the two of us back to the 'Dam and we could eat Scooby snacks until her glorious money ran out. I didn't realize it, but this sexy thang first revved on the scene (that one was for you, BD2) in GoldenEye with Pierce Brosnan where she seduced men and then crushed their midsection with her thighs (not exactly work computer material). She'll probably always be Jean Grey/Phoenix from here on out, but I, for one, am really glad her parents bumped the old uglies.

GCOTD: Matt Drudge



Hey, want to find out how every waking moment is the eve of the apocalypse? Want to hear over-exaggerated renditions of events and happenings the world over? Or do you just want some content to spark hilariousness in the Den? This fucking douchebag provides all of the above. Unfortunately, some redneck in the Arkansas hills might read this and think Obama has turned the White House into a Bill Clinton-esque melee' with anal beads and cigar dildos, because ol' Drudgey gave it this tagline - "Comic brags about snorting coke feet away from Obama..." So now stand-up comedy routines are breaking news. What a douche. Please, someone besides NPR, base your reporting/headlines on facts.

By the way, can any jackal put eyes on the missing jackal pictured below?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Jackals Don't Wear No Necklace


Why do baseball players wear friendship bracelet necklaces?

I don't want to get in the habit of quiting websites, but I'm calling bullshit.

OUR EXCLUSIVE TECHNOLOGY

Phiten Technology is based around the different applications of our high-intensity Phild Process. Titanium has been found by our scientists to be particularly responsive to the Phild Process; meaning, it is consistently effective in emitting, or "passing on" the stabilizing effect of the Phild Process.


Do baseball players really need to channel that "next level"? That "6th gear". Bammas be fakin'.

Some more...

This Phild effect is the basis for the Energy Transport System. The Phild Processed material regulates the body's energy flow by stablizing ions. Injury, fatigue, and low oxygen levels hurt the efficiency of your cells, disrupting the normal flow of energy in your system. This increases the tension and fatigue in your body as it tries to compensate for the lost energy. Phiten products stabilize the energy, permitting a greater flow of energy with less waste. Fatigue sets in later and recovery time is shortened.

I guess that explains why Joba Chamberann's fat ass needs to wear a friendship necklace.

The ONLY good thing about UNC


My buddy is at the UNC game and he just sent me this from his phone.  I should have cropped out the douche next to her, but I was too lazy.  Is that a tighty whitey being used as a shirt?  

PS  -  The Yankees just took the lead....kill me now.

Seriously....fuck the Yankees

Man I hope the Angels get out of this game.  The thought of having to hear about the Yankees for one more day on top of hearing about the fucking Giants every freaking ten minutes makes a jackal want to break fools dome pieces.  Go fuck yourself NY.  I know Voicemail was touching on this the other night but what are these guys in a douchebag contest or something.  AJ Burnett = Guy that blows dudes


Oh great as I am writing this the Yankees just tied it up...

PRODUCT NO JACKAL NEEDS


FLAIR HAIR



From the website:

Flair Hair is the original spiky hair hat phenomenon that will bring smiles to the whole room and give you a fresh new style.
Folks aren't sure what to call our visors - we've heard hairy visors, crazy hair, wig visors, funky hair hats, fuzzy hats, or hat with hair. Whatever you call the Flair Hair visors, you won't be disappointed in the fun they create!


If you don't think this shit isn't gay you have another thing coming.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jackal come lately: Five Guys

Ol' Filthy and SS have been reppin' Five Guys for the longest, but that shizzle just started to jump off in Dirty Jersey recently.  I was a 5G virgin until tonight so although I have heard stories, I had yet to see, smell and devour for myself.  
After working a 12 hour shift I knew a Turkey and swiss wasn't going to get the job done, so I popped off at Gary's Wine and Spirits (you have to see this place, any beer you can imagine and aisles and aisles of wine...if you are into that sort of thing.) I picked up my weekly sleeve of silver bullets and a six pack of random micro brew.  Today happened to be Cricket Hill American Lager brewed down the street from me... not bad i might add.  
While doing the standard debate of Pizza or Chinee Foo Spesha derivery that comes with a long work day, I happened across a beacon of red light that called to me like a jackal's howl deep in the foothills of the Broconos.  It read "Five Guys".  What an amazing place.  Think Chipotle meets Jerry's.  I ordered up a "regular" cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onions and pickles.  The cashier called my name and I had to ask her to be sure she gave me the right order.  The grease covered bag weighed at least 2-3 lbs.  Not one but 2 massive patties carefully crafted on a giant grill of grease by a culinary master in a floppy red hat.  Heaping toppings and cheese crammed atop and placed perfectly in a grease filled aluminum sleeve of goodness.  A small styrofoam 80z cup was placed in a paper bag along with 25 tons of fried potato...peanut oil.  baalleeevvee it.
Let me tell you Jackals.  After the first bite, I can tell you this is probably the best burger I have ever eaten.  I then completed the feast by devouring more french fries and washed them down with a few bottles of Cricket Hill.

A feast fit for a jackal, indeed.

Balloon Boy go suck a cock

Hey nerd (and you know who you are) do you really think we live in caves with no TV, online access, WHO THE FUCK doesn't know about fucking ballon boy?

More importantly, POP QUIZ: what happens when below disappears?




FUCK IF I REMEMBER, but I WON BITCH!

We are going for round #2! Mr. Daniels you are the fucking shit!


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Balloons and Weed

Going back to something we talked about last week:

Crazy shit that it turned out to be fake. That family is fucked up...

In other news, did anyone notice the Obama administration's announcement that they'll reverse Bush's approach and basically leave states alone when it comes to medical marijuana? From the memo:
As a general matter, pursuit of these priorities should not focus federal resources in your States on individuals whose actions are in clear and unambiguous compliance with existing state laws providing for the medical use of marijuana. For example, prosecution of individuals with cancer or other serious illnesses who use marijuana as part of a recommended treatment regimen consistent with applicable state law, or those caregivers in clear and unambiguous compliance with existing state law who provide such individuals with marijuana, is unlikely to be an efficient use of limited federal resources.
One of those states is Maryland. I think BMR just found a tumor...
In other news, can we get rid of this margin on the left hand side of the Den? I got a gap of 1 5/8" (yes, I measured) between the left edge of my screen and the left edge of the banner and posts. It means smaller pics, missing stats, etc.

For fucks sake...


Look at this.


Did you look at it? You need to look at it.


Now have you looked at it?


Cammo fucking football uniforms?? Jesus Titty Fucking Christ. It's like they are daring us to get extra drunk and obnoxious.


Do you think reminding Tico of war is going to make him less insane? Or needlessly violent? Me either.


Anubis Maximus, this is going to be awesome...