Happy Festivus

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JOTD: Crazy Pat and Mikey

These ninjas are retarded. They invite me out to watch football on Sunday and next thing you know we have a $500 bar tab and 2 of the 5 people that came with us are cut off by the bartender. Mikey did the Dougie and not once was music playing in the bar. Never ever have I ever been around two Jackals so capable of dumb shenanigans that weren't Boogers McRib and myself. I didn't even mention that fact they introduced me to this awesome website/service. JTFC. Howl.

Jackal to Jackal Callout: Year End Edition

BD2, where you at? I know you're busy trying to go completely insane(married a Jersey girl, living in Jersey, soon to be father of two Jersey girls of your own) and what not, but you ain't been up in the Den in quite some time. You're suspect. Fortunately, you don't post on 'Straight Outta Plompton' anymore, so I know that's not the case, and how grateful we are for all of that.

Epstein, I hate yo' sorry ass. For real.

Head, I got you and billhicksmostfunny going pretty good, huh? You know your son is named Linus, right?

SS, you government pawn, get your ass on the Droid and drop some jackalisms.

Tico, it's really great that the Friday Hotties always bring you back. It really is. It's just, your grammar is so horrible and your comments so appallingly hilarious, I was wondering if you could find a way to get in the Den a little more frequently.

Steven, take your shirt off. Relax.

BabyFace, you're still in college! You probably(might be giving you too much credit here) experience events worty of posting on the Den daily. Weekly? More so than a bunch of married dudes taking Rogaine, chasing their kids around. What's your excuse? Oh right, the Moinkoffs...

billhicksmostfunny, I can't imagine how badly I would want to kill a bus load of children after wheeling them around all day. How do you not need to vent? I know you're stuck in perpetual darkness for the time being, but what the fuck? Get in the Den!

Go To Sleep: Brett Favre

 Go to fucking asleep, Brett Favre.

JOTD: Cory Redding

Last week, this former Seahawk, and Terp, holler at your boy, SS(BMR might start to give a shit about college football) sealed a Raven's victory. Today it was this former Seahawk(watch Josh Wilson celebrate with him immediately), and former Detroit Lion(JTFC, right?), who keep in mind has never played on a playoff team before. Seattle must be pissed, Ozzie gave up very little on the trades and then they also signed Houshmandzadeh for the league minimum. Seattle, what the fuck is your front office doing? This is a team of destiny. I feel like I'm already watching the NFL Films hour long special.

Friday Hottie: Mariana Davalos

 Here's Mariana with her twin sister, Camilla. You can believe their dad totally hates himself.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: Big Tobacco

Quitting is the right thing to do, isn't it? I want to quit. Millions of smokers do. When you go to buy the patch though, you're shocked to find out how much it costs. Long term, it's the right thing to do, but in the short term, is a smoker more likely to spend 7/8$ or 60$?

I'm convinced NicoDerm and R.J. Reynolds are in fuckin' cahoots. This is the type of bullshit, along with everything else on the Den I vent about constantly, that makes BMR smoke in the first place. Keep fucking that chicken.

Apocalypse How: Middle East

Oh fuck.



* Let this play to the end or fast forward, there are about 10 George W. Bushisms that are fuckin' priceless.

GCOTD: Sal Alosi

Are you fucking kidding me? You fucking stick your knee out and jack up a rookie, a former Terp who missed all of his senior year with a broken leg. Fuck you very much Sal Alosi. Buy and sell steroids and HGH, spot dudes while they're lifting, massage their groins, do whatever the fuck it is you do but don't go touching real football players on the field. Know your fucking role clone.

WTF: College Coaching Hires

So Miami hires Al Golden, most recently of Temple? And Vanderbilt gets* Gus Malzahn?!

If he skips out on calling the Championship Game in favor of his newfound responsibilities with the Commodores, you have my sympathies, Mr. Shote Sleeves.

Oh, congratulations, though.

* Okay, perhaps not. But probably.