Get Ready Bitches!

Can you smell it in the air? The winds of change are coming. You see the ads for Madden 10 already. You can sense the temperature about to drop. Training camps get coverage on the local news. Fantasy drafts are being planned.

Yes, football season is nigh, once again. Finally, the barren spring and summer of GAFsports.com is over. As we gear up for todays HOF game I thought 2 things. 1- I can't wait to have my Sundays back, when I can get drunk and spend my day alone, in my den, ignoring family and friends and watching this great game.

2- Bruce Smith is/was a weak ass going wide every time d-end, I can see why you thanked the Redskins last night, just like every other end of their career, used to be good, but now you just be paid, mofo we sign, we gave you a chance to grind it out purely for you own stats and personal wealth. Good team player, asshole. I hope T.O. jumps into the stands and paralyzes the both of you somehow tonite.

Also, as a side note to BMR, - ninja ninja ninja ninja ninja jackal ninja ninja ninja jackal ninja ninja ninja Steelers ninja ninja ninja clones ninja ninja ravens ninja shitsburg ninja

Questionable Lineage: Head and The Wiz

Just got back from Greece. Many posts will be made. This one could not wait however.

Head and The Wiz are the descendants of some serious O G Cs, Original Gay Clones.

This shit was all over the place in Greece. Every museum I went to had a sculpture or mosaic or painting or carving of a dude fucking a dude. Every crappy gift shop had a magnet of three dudes having a threesome (couldn't find it on the web unfortunately).

Ancient Greeks were apparently the most GAF people in the history of the world. I find it shocking they found the time to screw any women and even create Head and The Wiz with all the gay sex they were having and then the time they were spending documenting it and then preserving and archiving said documentation.

Apples normally don't fall far from trees, I'm just saying . . .

Jackal Observation: Eye Contact Fishing

Now it's not always exhibited by a crazy old guy that doesn't shave, but eye contact fishing plagues many facets of our great society. Jackal Example: Jackals, by nature, avoid eye contact. During job interviews, during intercourse, the usual, but eye contact fishing occurs when someone doesn't compute the origin of your ocular absence. They either don't realize a jackal could give two fucks about their weekend escapades or they think what ever dumb shit they have to say is worth pulling a jackal away from his UNF-ing. I believe you know the type I'm referring to; often loud-talking individuals, convinced of their own righteousness or a stranger on the street not up to speed on stranger etiquette. You may be asking, "BMR, I know the eye contact fishermen and women of which you speak, how do I avoid them?" The jury is still out on this one, my jackals, conventional wisdom suggests looking at the ground, although these social pariahs are quite often more patient than you or I. In the interest of learning them a thing or two, I say relish the eye contact. Match their contact and then triple it. With glaring wide eyes, nod as if you know precisely why they stopped you to bore the shit out of you. Move your mouth as if you were about to say the same thing. Then without any break in the conversation, tell them this, "My third grade teacher once told me the same thing before I skinned her cat and wore its flesh as a fanny pack." My guess is you will be able to break the eye contact at that point.

Pontius: Pontius's Dad sighted with hot blond country singer

I'm just sayin'... that is clearly Uncle Pontius...i'm just sayin'.

On a completely separate topic Pearl Jam is performing at the Wachovia Center in Philly on Oct 28 and 30th. I really, really want to go. If any jackals have in's on some tickets, I will sell my left nut for one. Please balleevvee me!

Jackal Lullaby: Shittsburgh, Go the Fuck Asleep

That's all there is to it. 16 games, two must-wins. The NFL loves their golden boys. I'm surprised no one has coined our quarterback Joe Fluke-o. Look at Ed Reed's eyes here. He's still thinking pick-6. Can someone track down a Mr. Fusion a.k.a. "flux capacitor" or generate me 1.21 jigawatts?

NFL Preview

We're getting there, 2 weeks until the preseason. The Redskins are in need of some major offensive fire power loyal fans such as myself are left cautiously optimistic. Certainties for the NFC East include Donovan McNabb being a fat fuck, Tony Romo blowing it, and the New York Giants in need of a serious set of balls, see definition 3. We know Boogers is psyched about this, what excites you about the upcoming season? PS, the super bowl is being played at fucking Landshark Stadium, Josh Goldsmith can eat a tank of shark dicks.

Jackals Gone Whack

To folks that enjoy good old rock n' roll today was a sad day, massive jackals of yesterday Kings of Leon performed on the blasted Today Show. This tilts the cheese factor, and not in their favor. To the kings of yesteryear I pour out some Hennesey.

Matt Lauer's a tool.

Jackal Advice: Bud Selig/Peter Angelos

Earl Weaver would appreciate it if you would go the fuck asleep.

Hey, you Greek fuck! Whenever you're ready, I'd like to enjoy baseball again. Selig, the MLB is rotten and stinks to high fuckin' hell. I'm ready to take a wrecking ball to the whole organization. Close the book on steroids. Come up with a fucking salary cap. As a personal request, P-Ange, would you bury this Orioles logo beneath your dead grandmother?  

Bring back some of these guys:

Honestly, look at that jackal ass Oriole. He's not even smiling like most mascots, but rather grinning devilishly as he puts ninjas to sleep with a piece of lumber. 

Jackal Precaution: Ninjas on the Loose

 

Not like I'm telling you anything you don't know, but ninjas are gunnin' for your ass. Just this past Saturday I was getting awesome with T Large, we were keepin' it magnificent and what not, but my one buddy rolled in, two ninjas(presumably jackal by association) slipped into our midst, undetected. It was beyond my comprehension at the time(sometime later I inquired "I saw so and so, where did he end up?" turns out dude aided and abedded ninjas, unbeknownst) So they were slurping from the teet of the keg and partaking in some wicked fun Kubb action, I'm not sure if they grabbed some wife ass or just disrespected one of the birthday boys, but jackals made quick work, just hope your savvy enough to do the same when the occasion calls.

JOTD: Jackal mutha' fuckin' salute! Jackals on deck

T Large is turning some amount of years today, it's not important. What is important is who is hullaballooing their ass off for his cumpleanos. We're gonna make this bastard piss on his shoes. Can you say Jameson? I can. I have. Against better judgment I did last night and ended up leaving early from the bar to come home and sleep on my couch. Now I'm going to throw Kubb blocks with an old school fuckin' ninja. I am jamming to Tom Waits and he's talking about bourbon. It's got the makings of a jackal afternoon, evening, it's going to be chainless, relinquished of the heezy, never kiss a Gun Street girl again.