GCOTD: Jim Joyce

Nice mustache, fag! Major league baseball is fuckin' gay anyway, but this guy really fucked up.

JOTD: Paul McCartney

That's what I'm fucking talking 'bout. Tell it like it is, my main jackal. I'm tired of the bullshit. Why don't you hand Emeril Lagasse a dead mouse and a pile of shit and ask him to bake you a cake?  


Of course I picked the picture of a hipped out Paul McCartney! What the fuck did you expect?

Apocalypse How: WWIII

In the words of Peter Lemesurier, author of The Armageddon Script:

"Their script is now written, subject only to last-minute editing and stage-directions. The stage itself, albeit in darkness, is almost ready. Down in the pit, the subterranean orchestra is already tuning up. The last-minute, walk-on parts are even now being filled. Most of the main actors, one suspects, have already taken up their roles. Soon it will be time for them to come on stage, ready for the curtain to rise. The time for action will have come."

This doesn't look good.

An attack on Iraq, Iran and/or Syria as being the trigger to set the entire Middle East into fiery conflagration. Once America is firmly entrenched into the Middle East with the majority of her first-line units, North Korea is to attack South Korea. Then, with America's forces stretched well beyond the limit, China is to invade Taiwan. This will usher in the start of World War Three.

WTF?: Massive Sinkholes

WTF?

Jackal Mathematics: Meatheads + Psychadelics = Bad Things

Holy fuck. This story is disturbing. Read it if you want, but I will cut and paste a sample of why "mixed martial artists" should probably avoid psychotropics:

"The victim and the suspect, according to the testimony, became preoccupied with the idea that a tidal wave was coming, that the end of the world was upon them and that a struggle between God and the devil was taking place."


"Lee was able to cuff Wyatt without incident, and then he proceeded to look at the body on the couch. The body had had the majority of its face removed, and an 18-inch incision in its chest cavity."


"...when he discovered someone straddling another person in the living room talking about cutting off a tattoo."


"She then heard what she believed to be Wyatt and Powell wrestling on the kitchen floor, then talking about surfing. Bailey then said that she saw Powell standing over who she believed to be Wyatt, and that Powell was spitting on him. Bailey testified that she heard sounds she thought were sexual in nature, though she said it could have been something else."


"At one point, she said that the lights in the house were out and she'd covered her head with the hood of her shirt. Bailey said she felt “pressure” on her legs, and Powell's voice saying that he could see her face. She sensed that someone was pointing a sharp object at her."

JOTD: The Jackals

All y'all are my ninjas for real. Much love and respect. Howl if ya hear me.

ps this Nas and Damien Marley album that came out last week is ridiculously good.

Keep Fucking That Chicken: The Republican Party

When told that Puerto Rico was not a country, he said, “I don’t care what you call it.”

I really want to hear that this guy is giving old girl the business. Vaughn, let's her it, gag reflex or no gag reflex?

GCOTD: My Roommate

ACTUAL CONVERSATION:(obviously not)

BMR: Yo, what up, bitch?

Roomie: Ain't shit, ninja. Chillin'.

BMR: Aight, aight. Check it. BMR's office is closing at 1 and a jackal is trying to get awesome. I told my people it would be cool if they came over.

Roomie: Well, shit, BMR, I don't know. I was going to clean the house and go to work on Saturday on a holiday weekend and not, you know, interact with anyone in a social context. Would it be cool if you just went to bed at ten like I do and we could both be miserable and not have fun? Ever?

BMR: Pfft. How about this? I'll clean the bathrooms and pretend right now like we won't come back and be loud after the bars close.

Roomie: Deal.

Guess Who's Back?

Jackal OTA Wednesday June 9

Sonar

Talib Kweli and High Tek are Reflection Eternal

featuring some dudes babyface knows Soul Cannon

Memorial Day Weekend Hottie: Veronique De Kock

So laugh it up, Jackals. Her last name means 'of penis'. Big deal. I'm sure she has an excellent sense of humor and a good grasp of mathematics. Personally, I think a pelt bikini is about as fucking jackal as womens' attire can get. Your boy BMR is gonna be having a cold one by the time you saps are getting back from lunch(office closing early to recognize Memorial Day). This hottie is going out to the men and women in uniform. May they liberate some hot bitches who are forced to wear burkas. I saw one the other day at the zoo. No joke, the zoo. She couldn't even show her eyes. And her douchebag husband was just chillin'. Shirt untucked. Hadn't shaved in a while. Just looking like a fucking douchebag who won't let his wife out of her black outfit. Fuck that guy. America. Fuck yeah.